finding your safe haven

Another post from my prior blog. this one is about finding your safe haven through meditating or journeying within.

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.

-- Maya Angelou --

“Finding a sanctuary, a place apart from time, is not so different from finding a faith.” 

-- Pico Iyer --

I was hanging out with a friend this week talking, as we usually do, about her multiple illnesses. I have told her in the past and reminded her again on this day: some of her illnesses are due to her stressful lifestyle. But, hey, don’t we all have stressful lives. Anyway, she asked me to suggest a few ways to help relieve her stress; things that are quick, easy to do, easy to remember, and don’t take up space.

I suggested she try meditation. But, she said she has tried it many times but can’t. Could I instead suggest something I’ve done, that has worked? I suggested she try my inward journey and that we try it right then. She agreed. Here is how it works:

Find a comfortable place to sit (if not possible, sit where you can). Make sure your hands, arms, feet and legs are relaxed and not crossed. Close your eyes and take several deep breaths. When you breathe in, start from the bottom of your stomach and fill your entire body. When you breathe out, let it all flow out. As you get comfortable with the deep breaths, as you breathe out, imagine your stress leaving your body…out from your toes and your fingertips. And as you breathe in, imagine a white light filling you from the top of your head. When you are filled with white light and free of your stress, then breathe easy. It is time to take your journey.

Create in your mind the one place you would love to go if you could just disappear to your “safe haven” any time you felt. Imagine the sights and smells and sounds. Stay as long as you like. When you are finished, get up and stretch and go about the rest of your day, hopefully better than you were.

I know of someone who created a castle as her haven. She would sit on her throne, listen to beautiful music, and be catered to by gorgeous men and women. Another person created a cottage, in a meadow. Inside the cottage were a great big armchair, a library, lots of blankets and pillows for sitting, and a talking. My “safe haven” is a garden with a hammock, a lake, and a gazebo. The grass smells of herbs as you walk on it and beautiful music plays in the background.

When I tried this with my girlfriend, she said it definitely helped her feel better. The breathing exercises helped her release her stress. She also said when she saw her “safe haven “ she was an adult playing in her favorite spot as a child with her friends from years ago. She said it all felt good. She said she would definitely remember to do this whenever she was stressed. Please take this week and try this journey. I hope it helps you as much as it helped my girlfriend.

 “The whole of meditation practice can be "essentialized" into these 3 crucial points: Bring your mind home. Release. And relax!” 
-- Sogyal Rinpoche --

flowers and friendship

continuing to share posts from my prior blog. this one is about my love of flowers. sometimes i think it is where and why my appreciation of friendship grew. Friendship is like a flower. the more it receives love (water, sun, nourishment) the more it grows and the more beautiful it becomes. so it is with friendship. it's like they say...
...Just living is not enough... one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.
--Hans Christian Andersen --

You know, the last time we talked, I was in a funk. I have to tell you writing about it helped tremendously. So, I was going to write about writing, but, I felt soooo good, instead of taking myself to dinner, I bought myself a huge bouquet of lilacs. Why was that so special? I love flowers. I love their colors, their textures. I love their shapes and their sizes. I love the ones with a scent and the ones without. I just love flowers. So, this is about flowers and filling your life with beauty.

I often wonder why I have such an affinity, attraction for flowers. I think it is because surrounding myself with flowers (and plants) is like cultivating my own, personal garden. It is my own slice of sunshine, my own patch of happiness. And every time I look at them or water them, I am enhancing my happiness, my sunshine, my paradise. And every time I water them or spray them or feed them, I am nourishing my environment and they nourish me back. In a sense, I am loving that which loves me back.

So, I firmly believe surrounding yourself with things you find beautiful brings sunshine to your soul. My home, as you can imagine, is filled with photography and sculpture, and candles and paintings, music and books, comforters and plants and flowers, lots of flowers (hell, lots of most of these things). All of these things are, to me, beautiful. All of these things warm my heart when I look at or touch or smell them. They all truly bring sunshine to my soul.

Flowers are not only beautiful, they are fragile. But for all their fragility, they are sturdy. They start as seeds. They endure harsh weather conditions. They push through hard dirt seeking sun. They suffer through rains, storms, heavy winds and drought to face the world and then live a short life. Yet that life is one non-stop adventure. They turn their faces to the heavens and endure. They bring beauty and sweet fragrance into our lives. Yes, flowers are fragile things of beauty but they are also things of integrity. As Alexandra Stoddard said in her book, Choosing Happiness, “There is such tenderness in flowers …. (they) remind me how beautiful and fragile life is. Consider the supreme dignity of a single flower.”

So, surround yourself with the beauty of creation …. Surround yourself with the beauty of the creativity of “man" ... surround yourself with the things that bring beauty into your life and appreciate just how beautiful and fragile life is. Remember….bringing beauty into your life brings sunshine to your soul.

Flowers are the beauty of creation. Harken to what they have to teach. Share in the joy of their love.

Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature.

-- Gerard De Nerval --

On Gratitude

I am still sharing from my prior blog. This post is on The Secret and Gratitude. I hope you like it. Please comment and share if you feel so inclined. and again Thank you for being a part of sISTA gIRL cAFE...May We Stay Friends For Life

I watched The Secret, on DVD, about a year ago and one of the things that stood out as I read the book (and one or two others that followed) was the constant reference to taking time to say thank you. There have been periods in my life when things have seemed rather hopeless. In the past, before I lamented and complained, I would first say thanks for the things that were going right. Often, I would find so much to be thankful for, I would forget what I wanted to complain about.

The Secret recommends that you take time out each day to say thank you for all the things you are grateful for. When I started watching the DVD, I was at a low in my life. I figured I would give it a try, it could only help. So I gave it ago. Today I still try to find time each day to say thank you. I think it has helped me to realize all the things I do have, even on days when things truly seem bleak. I still sometimes complain after my thanks but more often now, I am filled with joy and happiness when I think of all my blessings.

So on this day, as we continue on our journey to a better us, let us take time each day to say thank you for all the blessings in our live. In this vein, I am thankful for my family and my friends. I am thankful for all the children, older people, men and women in my life. I am thankful for my dogs and my cat, my car and my home. I am thankful for heat, hot water, food and drink in my refrigerator, clothes and shoes in my closet, and the things of beauty in my home. I am thankful for all of my senses and my ability to walk and run, laugh and sing. And, while I am at it, I am thankful for fireworks, trees, flowers, sunny and rainy days, doctors, teachers, motivators .... I could go on endlessly. The point is, we all have so much to be grateful for, if we would just take a minute to say thank you, we might actually experience a glimpse of heaven in our lives.

"Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more."
--  Brother David Steindl-Rast (1926 - present) --

finishing discernment and relationships

Hope you are enjoying my posts from a prior blog that i was a part of. this is the last in the series on discernment. please feel free to comment and share. Thank you.

Now, last week we were discussing bringing peace into our lives? How does it happen? The books I have read suggest meditation. It is supposed to ground your spirit, put you more in tune with your body and your inner you and give you peace. I am working on that. I try to meditate as often as I can. I find it does keep me more grounded and in tune with the needs of my body and spirit. I find that I am more at peace when I practice meditation. It does work. The hardest part is just finding or rather carving out time to meditate.

There are people in my life who exude peace and serenity but their lives are in turmoil. When I ask them how this could be, they say they don’t let the turmoil around them touch them. They tell me to let go of the things that make me crazy, to let go of past issues that bring me down. I tell them it is not so easy. They say that is what makes it worth it. I am trying to do those things as well. It does work. It is also not easy...

I also know people who seem wired yet there lives are, for the most part, in order. They can’t explain why they always seem in turmoil, but I often sense that they don’t appreciate the balance in their lives. Frequently these people are never satisfied or are always complaining. I find that they let even the little things get to them. Trust, I don’t want what they have. It doesn't seem to work. I would rather be at peace in the midst of turmoil than be in turmoil in the midst of peace.

Finally, I also know of one person who says his life is in flux, who says he is seeking peace. It is sometimes hard to believe because there are times when he seems so serene it is almost palpable. But upon careful evaluation. I find he is not necessarily serene he is just tired. Now, tiredness can bring on peace. But that is not how we want to get peace in our lives. We want it to happen in a positive way and sometimes tired means depression, a state we don’t want to be in.

I think we have to realize that we are given opportunities to experience the things we most desire. We just don’t know how to go about capitalizing on those opportunities. I would suggest we look at our lives. Perhaps the things that are happening to us, that are frustrating us, are the very things that, if we let them, will help us to find what we seek. Perhaps my friend’s life, like most of our lives, is revolving in a manner that is really an opportunity for him (and us) to receive the peace he (we) seeks. I believe he (we) must pay attention to the moments and be discerning. Peace will come. That is the one thing you may not find by giving it to others.

So this week, do not let life get to you. Let go of the things that normally frustrate you. Refuse to be ruffled by things that normally make you crazy. Pay attention to the moments and opportunities for you to be at peace. Practice does make for perfect and eventually peace may be an automatic part of your life. If that is what you seek.


“Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy. You deserve delight.” Hannah Arendt (German-born American Philosopher and Political Scientist. 1906-1975)

more on discernment and relationships

More from my prior blog and more n discernment. I hope you are enjoying it.

don't curse the darkness...look for a light or a candle. can't find one...wait for your eyes to adjust. 

To follow up where I left off last week, I also had a conversation with a friend who said he ached to have peace in his life. When he started to talk, it became clear how important it was to him. It also became clear he was spending so much time wanting it, that wanting it had, in a sense, become for him a way of thinking, being, living.

Our conversation really bothered me and I got to thinking about all of us, the things we crave and the things we want. How do we get the things that we say we want in our lives?

I watched a movie recently that I thought I would dislike, but actually enjoyed and i learned something from it. Following is the movie's message. Basically, it said when we ask God/The Universe/the Ultimate Energy for something, it is not just magically given to us…instantly. Although, if we are honest, that is what we usually want and expect. Instead, we are given opportunities to receive the thing or things for which we have asked. Therefore, if we want love or joy or peace in our lives, we can’t just sit back and wait for it to miraculously happen. We must first believe we will receive the things we ask for; and then, we have to see the opportunities we are being given to receive the thing or things we desire. Last we have to act on those opportunities.

I want happiness, so I wake up each morning anticipating happiness. I make it a point to both enjoy my day and look for opportunities for happiness. Then, at the end of the day, I look back and say thank you for the moments of happiness I received and enjoyed. I truly believe most of us are given the opportunities to have the things we most desire but we just don’t see those opportunities.

It’s like looking for love and not realizing the person you should be with is right in front of you, because he or she has not come gift wrapped the way you expected. I think the answer to receiving the things we ask for is discernment. I think the answer is to appreciate each moment. By doing so we give ourselves the chance to see the opportunities God/The Universe/The Ultimate Energy is giving us to receive the things we most desire.

If you try this approach and do not begin to receive what you seek, try examining yourself. Are you holding yourself back from the things you most want out of fear? Are you your own worst enemy? When you have honestly answered those questions, take a step back and make a plan of action. There is no time like now to actively seek what you want. Oh ……. And trust …… if you don’t have what you seek, plant a seed. If you don’t have love, start by giving love to others; if you don’t have joy, start by bringing joy to others; if you don’t have happiness, start by making others happy. This works.

But how does this get you peace? That is a hard question. I am still working on this and will finish next week. In the meantime, spend this week bringing joy, happiness and love to the lives of others. Trust …. It will be returned tenfold and you will be glad you did.

“Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance - it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.”

 --Sarah Ban Breathnach...author, columnist, lecturer --

discernment and relationships

More of a week of sharing older blogs of mine

I have so much in my head and heart to share I am just not sure where to begin. So bear with me if I seem to ramble. That is not my intent. Also, this will be a “two-parter“, I hope it works for you. First, a friend implied that when you are friends with a writer/blogger, you take the chance of being part of their writings. I know that to be true and this is proof.

I am reading this book and am at the part where the author seems to be saying that we, as individual and collective egos, seem to need and thrive on competition and conflict. I am not sure I agree since I long for peace in my life. But I am double-minded. You see, I also agree because it seems that the closer I get to living the life I long for, the more strife seems to come with the package. It is almost as if the “devil” is aware and doing all he can to prevent me from getting to my small haven of peace and joy and happiness. However, I do not worry any longer - I have vowed to never give up...

My point, I find that there are people in life who are also where I am, either consciously or unconsciously. Where am I? I am here; I am taking what few steps I can to change that perception of the ego, or at least I am doing my part to be the real me, the me beneath my ego, my own little bit of awareness. What am I talking about? Today I had a conversation with someone (let’s call this person B) who, for years, I hated talking to because our conversations always left me angry. B always said something to irk, annoy or irritate me. But lately I have found our conversations to be a blessing. I would like to say B has really changed and that is why our conversations are so good. But I know that is only half the story. I have also changed. Together we have changed and so now, that change, has allowed us to be able to talk and share and love together. I am so grateful and blessed.

My point...B said something I thought was monumental. Not because it was so profound but because of its simplicity. It occurs to me that we sometimes miss things in life because we are expecting things to be monumental. Instead, it is something so simple we miss it. To simplify a long conversation, B said that she and her spouse were reading a transformation book together and sharing its lessons together. I thought, WOW! That is what I want. Someone I can share a book with that is supposed to be transforming. That way we may transform and grow together. I think relationships often fail because the two do not grow together, the two make no attempts to share all aspects of their lives, where possible, together. I will never forget what B said to me. And when I finally find the person I want to share my life with, I will do the best I can to ensure that it is someone I can share growing and transforming with so that neither of us leaves the other behind.

I think this is a moment of clarity of emotion. I think this is profound for me because it is the clarity of emotion I crave. Clearly God/the universe/the ultimate energy is giving me the opportunity to receive the thing I ask for and am working towards. I am just glad that I was actually being mindful, enjoying the moment, actually in the moment. I am just glad that this time I had the discernment to realize it.

This week, seek discernment in your life. This week check your relationships. Are you letting people you care about slip away because you are allowing yourself to grow apart from them. If that is not what you want, find ways to include them in your growth. Find ways to get them on the same page as you so that the two of you will be able to share the journey of self-growth (true, inner self-growth) together. And while you are doing so, be MINDFUL. ENJOY THE MOMENT!!! And until next time…Take care of you.

The supreme end of education is expert discernment in all things--the power to tell the good from the bad, the genuine from the counterfeit, and to prefer the good and the genuine to the bad and the counterfeit.”

Author unknown

why deny ourselves love?

Many years ago, I wrote for a blog. It was a short but fun stint in which i shared with others the spiritual journey I was on. I thought I would share some of the posts with you. Please feel free to share, like and COMMENT on anything that moves you. Feedback is always nice. Thanks.

This is about love. As I have said in the past, I was not going to write about love. It is not that I have anything against love. But, I wanted to write about my spiritual journey and I thought the two were separate. Quite the contrary. It seems to me that love is pretty much all we talk about. Even when we are not talking about love, we are talking about love….or sex (but that is another conversation left for another day).

Anyway, isn't love what most of our conversations are about, at least underneath. When we complain about how others treat us, we are really complaining that they don’t treat us with love. When we look at all the “isms” and prejudices that we experience aren't they all about someone denying us love. And when we are happy or joyful isn't it really because something positive has happened to us that opens up our hearts to love

Maybe I am over-simplifying things. My point really is, we are made from love, for love, to love. When we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience love, in all its forms, we deny ourselves our very essence. In point of fact, we deny our spirits, our souls, ourselves the ultimate nourishment. You know, scientists have discovered that babies will die or become emotionally dysfunctional if not given love and affection the first year of their lives. So too, we die or become emotionally scarred if we are not given love, if we do not experience love. The profundity of it is almost mind-blowing.

So my question - why would we want to deny ourselves love? ...

And so many of us do, either because of bad break ups or because of broken hearts. But love is a majestic feeling. And while it can cause us to descend to the lowest of lows, it can also lift our hearts and spirits. It can bring a glow to our faces, brighten a day and ease pain. The expression “friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief” is true because friendship is based on mutual love.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that love is perfect. It is not. Nor am I saying that all love lasts. We all know that love can end and sometimes it can end cruelly or bitterly. I recognize that sometimes the end of love can be soooo painful, can beat us up soooo badly, we never want to take a chance on love again. I just do not believe that is the answer.

That is really what I want to talk about. The immobilization that a bad end to loving can bring about. I have read many books and heard many say that we can control our emotions and that the emotions that others cause us to feel are their story and that, as such, we should be able to let go and move on with our own story. Deep inside, I know it is true - the people who break our hearts are not thinking about us or how we are feeling. Half the time, they don’t even realize that we are still lamenting that thing they said or did. So, if they can move on, we should move on. But to know it and then to believe it and act as if it true is each very different and very hard to do.

More importantly, you would think we would all want to let go of the negative effects of painful endings to love. You would think we would all want to just put them out of our minds - leaving space for the next good relationship. But we don’t. Letting go and moving on is like cleaning out the clothes in one’s closet. First, we have to make time to clean out the closet and there are always so many other things we would rather do. Then, we have to figure out what we are going to do with the things we decide to get ride of, which can be a hassle. Now, if we get past this stage and actually start to go through our closet, that is when the hard part begins. We keep things we no longer wear because we hate parting with things we have invested part of our selves in. We tell ourselves that either we are actually going to wear that one day because the style is going to come back or we are going to lose those extra pounds. In reality, it is just easier to keep what we have than deal with throwing things out. We forget getting rid of old means making space for new.

Similarly, we hold on to past relationships. They take up residence in our hearts and minds. Sometimes we believe they will come back. But, more often, we are just scared to venture back out into the world of dating and the possibility of loving again. That fear of falling in love and it failing rears its ugly head and prevents us from experiencing the wonder, beauty and happiness of love. We become cautious in spite of ourselves, because of ourselves.

I know, I know …. tell that to someone who is going through a break-up or a divorce. The pain and devastation left behind is like the work of a wrecking ball - all chaos and confusion and destruction with no hope of recovery. Yet, most of us do, eventually, learn to go on. We do eventually go on again. Granted we take with us the baggage that the ended relationship has left us with, but we move on.

What I want is for us (myself included) is to learn to let go of the baggage. At least some of it. This is one of my favorite things to do to let go and move on. Take some time and think about your relationship. Remember the good memories and take them and place them in your heart album. Then, take all the lessons you have learned and store them away in your brain to be pulled out as needed. Take what is left, grind it into grains of sand and blow it all away. It is not an easy task but with practice, it can work. What it does is allow you to let go of the negatives and keep only the positives.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

Mother Theresa of Calcutta (August 26, 1910 to September 5, 1997