Extending The Hand of Friendship

I ran into an old acquaintance today and it made me think of when we met.it was several years ago, at a friend's place of business. I thought she was very nice and we seemed to have a lot in common. She even lived right across the street from a family member. which meant easy access. I thought it was a good fit. She was new to the neighborhood and asked if we could get together. I said absolutely. I thought it would be fun and I thought we could be friends. But as always happens with me, things got in the way and we never actually hooked up. So when we ran into each other today, we laughed and were very friendly but that spark of potential … of shared intimacy was gone.

 I must admit, as we parted, I felt a twinge of disappointment for what could have been or what might have been. We could have been friends. We could have been “come on over and let’s sit together and have tea “pals; Or better yet … “I’m barbequing, why don’t you stop by” friends.Or even, "Hey, let's do lunch" friends. But we never did. She did invite me over once when she ran into me and I did invite her out once because I ran into her. But that was a long time ago, neither ever happened, and that’s not the same as me dropping by to invite her out or her calling to invite me over just because. And that’s what friends do.

I can’t really blame her and I can’t really blame myself. Life gets in the way. New friendships require more effort than older friendships or at least a different type of effort. The calling and visiting of an older friend is as natural as breathing. Newer friendships or the attempting to become friends takes patience, persistence and remembrance. It is not yet a natural experience. If it doesn't happen when opportunity is knocking, sometimes it just never happens.

I must admit, sometimes when I see her, I am tempted to say “let’s meet and do lunch or dinner”. But it is years later. She may say no and not suggest we try another time. She may ask me “why” and I will feel uncomfortable. She might say yes and we discover we are not compatible. In the end, I am a coward when it comes to making friends....especially at this late stage in the game. But, I know that fear is a choice and I can choose to ignore the emotion and opt for a better way. I can extend the hand of friendship.  Who knows where the gesture might lead.

The next time I see her, I am going to push past the fear and invite her out. She may say no but she might say yes. Whatever she says, I will be proud of myself for taking the time and making the effort. I will release the past – not making the effort. I will not anticipate the future – that maybe she will say no or that it will be terrible. I will make the conscious choice to take a leap of loving faith by staying focused on the present –that I am content with this choice.

How many of you out there know someone you think you might want to be friends with? Next time you see him or her, extend the hand of friendship. Suggest coffee, or lunch, or drinks. She may belong to The Race That Knows Joseph. She may eventually become an Anam Cara friend. If so, you will have made a good choice. If not, at least you gave it your best effort and you have overcome a fear; which is something you should be proud of.

I am willing to give it a go. Let’s do it together. Okay sISTA gIRLS. It might be great!

true friendships and trust

There are many different kinds of friendships, but the best are mutual relationships… mutual friendships. A mutual relationship … or friendship is a true friendship. A true friendship requires some work to maintain but is truly worth having. In a true friendship you have a friend you can trust and rely on and who can trust and rely on you.

A true friendship is a relationship of sympathy, empathy, kindness, compassion, laughter, honesty, respect and caring. True friends allow each other to share their thoughts and feelings, honestly and openly, without judgment or shame. Once this happens and all of these qualities have been opened and released into your relationship, a bond is formed and with continued work that bond can deepen into trust and then love.

Trust is a key element to a healthy, true friendship. Without trust, a friendship is only superficial and while superficial may work for the beginnings of a friendship … when you both are testing the waters, it cannot work if you want the relationship to last. I have a relative who does not believe in friendship. She thinks that family is everything. While I agree that family is important, I also know that there is a place in our lives for friendship. That is even more important for those who do not have a family or who do not have a good relationship with their family. Friends make a difference in your life and should not be discounted. But it depends on trust. If you cannot allow yourself the opportunity to trust someone, you cannot have or be a lasting and true friend.

Friends are the people you can turn to; they help you to grow as a person, they help you to realize the best that you are and can be, they pick you up when you are down and make your joys bigger and brighter. Friends share your secrets and your hopes and dreams. But this can only happen with trust. Trust is the backbone of friendship ... of having a friend. And once you have a friend, you have the world in your hand.

"What, you too" friends

this is the last throw-back. if you enjoy it and have the time...please check out some of our very first posts...and share us with others. And thank you for taking this friendship journey with us.

Friendship is one big conversation. We talk on the phone, in each other's home, over dinner, over drinks, in school, at work. In the beginning of a friendship we try to find areas where we agree. But as we go along and begin to trust each other we learn that disagreeing is okay and will not dissolve a friendship that is true.

C.S. Lewis describes this the best ... “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." 

... It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision - it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I am never sure which is better, spending time with acquaintances and discovering a friendship or spending time in the beauty of a friendship that has lasted a lifetime.Just as there is something to be said for the new dress you put on in anticipation of the day and the reactions you will get, there is the comfort that slides over you as you put on your favorite robe and curl up with a good book. Each has its unique delight. 

Still, most times when we talk about friendships, we talk about the lasting ones. So, today, instead ... we will honor new friendships. Specifically the "you too" moment when you realize you can indeed be friends.

She, being friendless and feeling alone.

Choose this day to explore.

Casting care to the wind,

She set out walking.

She eventually found herself in a park

Birds were singing, couples were strolling

The sun was shining

 But shadows were lengthening

A mime was performing

All in white, even his face

A performer, dressed all in blue,

 Was singing a sad song … beautifully

She stopped to watch and listen.

Then, caught up in the beauty of the moment,

And much to her surprise,

She began to cry.

Embarrassed, she looked around

The woman standing next to her,

Was offering her a tissue.

“Would you like a hankie?”

‘Thank you for your kindness”

She smiled as she reached for the tissue.

Surprised by the kindness,

She looked up at the gifter.

What she saw took her aback

For the woman was also crying

“You too …” she said, a smile breaking thru

And in that moment a friendship was born