I ran into an old acquaintance today and it made me think of when we met.it was several years ago, at a friend's place of business. I thought she was very nice and we seemed to have a lot in common. She even lived right across the street from a family member. which meant easy access. I thought it was a good fit. She was new to the neighborhood and asked if we could get together. I said absolutely. I thought it would be fun and I thought we could be friends. But as always happens with me, things got in the way and we never actually hooked up. So when we ran into each other today, we laughed and were very friendly but that spark of potential … of shared intimacy was gone.
I must admit, as we parted, I felt a twinge of disappointment for what could have been or what might have been. We could have been friends. We could have been “come on over and let’s sit together and have tea “pals; Or better yet … “I’m barbequing, why don’t you stop by” friends.Or even, "Hey, let's do lunch" friends. But we never did. She did invite me over once when she ran into me and I did invite her out once because I ran into her. But that was a long time ago, neither ever happened, and that’s not the same as me dropping by to invite her out or her calling to invite me over just because. And that’s what friends do.
I can’t really blame her and I can’t really blame myself. Life gets in the way. New friendships require more effort than older friendships or at least a different type of effort. The calling and visiting of an older friend is as natural as breathing. Newer friendships or the attempting to become friends takes patience, persistence and remembrance. It is not yet a natural experience. If it doesn't happen when opportunity is knocking, sometimes it just never happens.
I must admit, sometimes when I see her, I am tempted to say “let’s meet and do lunch or dinner”. But it is years later. She may say no and not suggest we try another time. She may ask me “why” and I will feel uncomfortable. She might say yes and we discover we are not compatible. In the end, I am a coward when it comes to making friends....especially at this late stage in the game. But, I know that fear is a choice and I can choose to ignore the emotion and opt for a better way. I can extend the hand of friendship. Who knows where the gesture might lead.
The next time I see her, I am going to push past the fear and invite her out. She may say no but she might say yes. Whatever she says, I will be proud of myself for taking the time and making the effort. I will release the past – not making the effort. I will not anticipate the future – that maybe she will say no or that it will be terrible. I will make the conscious choice to take a leap of loving faith by staying focused on the present –that I am content with this choice.
How many of you out there know someone you think you might want to be friends with? Next time you see him or her, extend the hand of friendship. Suggest coffee, or lunch, or drinks. She may belong to The Race That Knows Joseph. She may eventually become an Anam Cara friend. If so, you will have made a good choice. If not, at least you gave it your best effort and you have overcome a fear; which is something you should be proud of.
I am willing to give it a go. Let’s do it together. Okay sISTA gIRLS. It might be great!
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