How to handle a bad day

WE all have bad days. Days when the issues in our life overwhelm us. Days when we want to run screaming from life while pulling our hair out. We know, however, that is not the answer. What should we do instead? When I am having a bad day I try to find time to go out, take a walk, clear my head, release my frustrations. I try to spend some time in meditation and some time in nature, be grateful for my blessings. Then, when i am done, I usually feel better. Meditation calms me, waling in nature clears my head and gratitude fills me with joy. Some days it works like a charm, some days it is not so good. But, for the most part, when I am done I feel better.

 However I feel, when I am done I check to see if my sISTA gIRL is available to go have drinks, or eat, or just spend time with me. She usually knows what I am dealing with. She listens to my troubles, doesn't always say a lot ... just lets me vent. She is a great friend. She is my kindred spirit, my sister, my Anam Cara.

Today, if you are having a bad day ... go commune with nature. it will calm you and remind you of the beauty in the world and your many blessings. Take some time to be in silence, it will allow you to hear your inner voice of calm and remind you that peace is within you whenever you need it. Take a walk or run, or spend some time with a pet or child; it will perk up your spirits to help you feel better. Spend some time in gratitude. Being grateful for the things you already have, the people presently in your life, and the things that ARE going right, help to balance the tables and bring you some joy. Then go hang out with a sISTA gIRL; spending time with her will definitely put a smile on your face.

If, you are in a great mood and having a good day, do the opposite. Find a friend who needs you and just be there for them. Be a shoulder or an ear. Sometimes just your presence is enough to get them back on their feet and feeling better about themselves or the situation.

Whoever you are today, whichever you do, the one thing I know for sure is ...

I learned this Swedish proverb when I was in high school and have never forgotten it. I guess its because over the years, I have learned that friendships are based in love and love is the greatest healing therapy there is and

.......Wait ......

That was my sISTA gIRL calling to make sure I am okay and asking if I want to hang out tonight. You know I said yes. And now, I am out. I love autumn days like this... sunny and not too cold. I 'm gonna go to the park, walk a bit, sit in silence, watch the birds and squirrels, count my blessings and then hang out with my Anam Cara.

Here's wishing you a good life, better days and even better friends. Ciao!!!!!!!!!

the effect of distance on friendship

A few years ago, i worked in the service industry helping out a friend. While there, I met this really cool lady. We clicked almost immediately. As we got to know each other, I discovered she belonged to the Race of Joseph and as we continued to spend time, our relationship became an Anam Cara friendship. Then the inevitable happened. She moved back home. Her home is hours away. I was sorry to see her go, happy for her to be back with her family. I was also concerned about our friendship. I am not a big caller. It is my weakness. I warned her but agreed to make the effort to keep in touch. We agreed to talk once a week and we did at first. But life got in the way and what happened, we stopped calling each other. Probably more me than her ... but either way, we stopped calling.

But distance does not really affect true friendships. When I eventually call my friend or she calls me, we pick up our conversation right where we left off. It is as if time has stood still for us while we were living our separate lives. There are no awkward moments, no hesitations. We share our lives and our goals and dreams as if we were sitting across from each other at our favorite bakery having dessert and tea. I think it is because we share a mutual admiration and affection for one another. I think it is because we know each other cares and that the feeling is genuine. I think it is because we love and respect each other and each others lives. I think it is because we are true Anam Cara friends. Those type of friendships are special and while they should not be taken for granted or taken lightly, they do "take a lickin and keep on tickin".

So this post is dedicated to my long distance Anam Cara friend from The Race of Joseph. She is my friend, my sISTA gIRL and she will always have my heart. And...speaking of her, I am going to call her this weekend and catch up. By the way... I know you guys have long distance friendships as well... call one and catch up this weekend or better yet...call today. 

But while you are here.... comment or/and share. 

what else is friendship

A friend is defined as a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. So friendship is when two people know each other well, and like and trust each other. For me, friendship is a relationship between two people that demands time and effort and requires empathy, honesty and putting aside your pride. It provides support and comfort in good times and bad and it keeps you happy.

            Friendship is more than just being happy together or sharing in good times. Sometimes one of you may say or do something hurtful to the other. In a good friendship; you face the problem together, work out a solution together and forgive and let go. In a good friendship, you protect, love, and accept each other, you don’t judge each other. You may argue with each other from time to time, but you come together again. In a good friendship all this works because a good friendship is also about surviving bad times together.

            What else is friendship? It is having a person in your life you can trust completely. It is realizing that someone else wants the best for you. It is being together without needing to pretend. It is having someone you can call at any time knowing they will be happy to hear from you. It is sharing your grief and your happiness with another. It is helping solve each other’s problems. It is sharing your dreams, hopes, and secrets together. It is helping out and expecting nothing in return. It is having fun through everyday life together. It is finding time for each other. It is being so in tune with each other, you know each other feelings and understand the why of them; and you can finish each other’s sentences and thoughts.

A true friendship, a good friendship; is an enjoyable relationship that makes all involved in it happy and ... without one in your life; it is a lot harder to maintain. A true friendship fills your heart, your spirit and your soul. It is a gift you choose to give yourself knowing it will keep on giving as you keep on giving. And that is good.

kindred spirits revisited

thought i would update an older post and share it with all of you.

I often refer to true friendship as Anam Cara.  When i do that, I do not mean a “like-minded” friendship, i am referring a rarer friendship. I think of like-minded friends as “kindred spirits”. The dictionary defines a kindred spirit as “an individual with the same beliefs, attitudes, or feelings as oneself”. While the word “like-minded” is a combination of two Greek words, “isos” which means “equal” and “psuche” which means “soul”. The complete meaning of “like-minded” therefore is “equal soul”. When you have  a kindred spirit friendship you are friends with an equal soul or someone just like yourself.

I do enjoy having friends who are like-minded. Indeed, a kindred spirit is fun to have; but how do you learn and grow if you share the same feelings, beliefs and attitudes. In order to grow as a person, we must be challenged. That is what a soul mate friend does. My favorite explanation of soul mates comes from “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. She writes, “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.”

She goes on to say, “ A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…”

I have a friend like that. She makes me crazy because she tells me the truth about myself whether I like it or not. I listen because I know she loves me and has my best interest at heart. That is a true friend. One who loves you in spite of who you are and is willing to tell you when you need to get it together. Better than that, after she tells, she not only reminds you that she loves you, she shows you. And best, she allows you the privilege of doing the same with her. This is how you grow. Friendship is best when it allows you to grow into the best you that you can be; when it allows you to grow into a loving being ... open to loving for and from others. That is the kind of friendship I have with her. 

In the end, we need both types of  friends  we need like-minded friends or kindred spirits and we need soul mate friends. Friends who see things from our perspective and friends who see where our perspectives can take us. They both love us for who we are and allow us to freely be who that is. Those are the friendships I wish for all of you.

Welcome .... and... a tradition of loving kindness

To all newcomers to this blog ... Welcome. We'd like to share a wonderful tradition with you and all of you who read out posts and keep up with sISTA giRLS cAFE...

An African tribe does the most beautiful thing. When someone does something hurtful and wrong, they take the person to the center of town, and the entire tribe comes and surrounds him. For two days they'll tell the man every good thing he has ever done. The tribe believes that every human being comes into the world as Good, each of us desiring safety, love, peace, happiness. But sometimes in the pursuit of those things, people make mistakes. The community sees misdeeds as a cry for help. They band together for the sake of their fellow man to hold him up, to reconnect him with his true Nature, to remind him who he really is, until he fully remembers the truth from which he'd temporarily been disconnected: “I AM GOOD.” 

to The Journey To The Revelation Of My Soul, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share this post here.

what a lovely course of action... a circle of loving kindness. it clearly stems from a place of  love and compassion. wouldn't it be great if we could all live this way...if all issues in life could be resolved this easily. alas, it is not possible. at least not on a grand scale. but we can incorporate the essence of this tradition in our everyday lives. 

when people we love do something hurtful or wrong or if we do something hurtful or wrong, instead of being accusatory and unforgiving, perhaps we should tell them/ourselves how much we love them/us. perhaps we should remind them/ourselves of the good that they/we have done for themselves/ourselves and others. perhaps if we reach out to them/ourselves in loving kindness rather than condemnation,we can help them/ourselves ... and thus help ourselves/others remember that essentially WE ARE GOOD and thus ALWAYS DESERVING OF LOVE.

that is being a friend to others, to ourselves, that is doing what we are here to do ... love.

please share and comment and continue to visit us. Thank you.

another favorite friendship story

this is one of my favorite friendship stories. it touches on love, support, help, sadness, recovery, compassion and kindness. i hope you enjoy it and that it touches your heart as it did mine...

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books, and I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran right up to him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.

Then he looked up, and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get a life.”

He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!”

He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class and I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.

On Graduation Day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one), and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

“Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach… but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met . He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker, so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later, and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

“Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.” I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

I Can See Your Scars… or …When Friendship Becomes Real

I met a friend the other day for lunch. We had been friends for years but because of our lives, didn’t get to see each other often.  We had planned this a while ago though and I was excited to see her.  She was different from most of my friends and that was one reason why my seeing her was a special treat. When she spent time with you, she gave you her undivided attention.  When you were with her, the rest of the world seemed to fade away.  When she looked at you, it felt as if she saw your soul, when she listened it was with her whole self, when she spoke she took her time and though she spoke hesitantly and softly, when she spoke she said much with few words. She was thoughtful, kind, insightful and full of love.

My only complaint was she wanted you to share with her but she was not so quick to share herself. When asked questions about herself or her life, she would ponder long before answering and she didn't say much.  I often got the feeling she felt that she could not share because there was so much more to her than I realized and that I could not handle her answers.

On the day we met for lunch, we had a breakthrough in our friendship. We had finished eating, I had, as usual, told her all about me and my life. But for a change, it was not a long, drawn out conversation. I was in a good place in my life and was grateful for my blessings. I was also learning to listen in the spaces in between conversations and see in the midst of shadows.  I had asked her about her and her life and though she shared, I, for a change, knew there was more. But I also knew she would tell me when she was ready. I sensed that she was feeling out whether she could talk to me. I did not push.

We finished our meal and were lingering over coffee when it happened. It was peaceful as we sipped our drinks and I enjoyed the silence that enveloped us. I looked up at her to comment on the beauty of the afternoon spent with her when I noticed it. Although her head was down, I could see inside her. She appeared as a porcelain doll with scars on her hands and face and arms. I was taken aback at first. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I opened my eyes and looked again. The image had begun to blur but I could still see the vestiges of the scars on her body.

I stared at her in amazement. Maybe that is why she could not talk, could not share, she had been emotionally scarred and was seeking someone who did not need her to help them but who could listen to and help her. I looked at her intently and as I watched, her soul blossomed for me. I looked intently and again I saw her scars.

 When she finally looked up at me I saw traces of the scars on her face. I could not help myself. Slowly I asked, “are those scars I see on your soul?”

“Yes they are,” she sighed.

“From where did you get them?” I queried, saddened that she had been unable to share this with me before.

“From a battle I waged.” She answered this in a louder voice, a voice tinged with satisfaction and a tiny hint of pleasure.

Fascinated I asked, “With whom did you battle?” Imagine my surprise and understanding when she slowly said…

“…with myself.”

thank you to the FB page that posted a bit of this. it resonated with me and i turned it into my own. again ... thank you

the good and bad of friendship

"Love allows understanding to dawn, and understanding is precious. Where you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release yourself into the trust and shelter of the other person’s soul."

--John O'Donohue

Friendship is an amazing thing. it can take you to heights amazing and places you thought you'd never see or leave you alone at the shores of life. it can crash against the waves of a storm or sail smoothly on into the horizon. it affects each and every person on this planet whether we choose it to or not. even the meaning of friendship and its importance touches every aspect of our lives. check out some of the words of an old school jam by Whodini a rap group from the 1980's...

Friends

How many of us have them?

Friends

Ones we can depend on

Friends

How many of us have them?

Friends

Before we go any further, lets be

Friends*

Is a word we use everyday

Most the time we use it in the wrong way

Now you can look the word up, again and again

But the dictionary doesn't know the meaning of friends

And if you ask me, you know, I couldn't be much help

Because a friend is somebody you judge for yourself

Some are OK, and they treat you real cool

But some mistake kindness for bein' a fool

We like to be with some, because they're funny

Others come around when they need some money

Some you grew up with, around the way

And you're still real close too this very day

Homeboys through the Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall

And then there's some we wish we never knew at all

And this list goes on, again and again

But these are the people that we call friends

Appreciate the good friends you have and hold the memories sacred. those friendships that did not work are stepping stones in your life. blow away all the debris surrounding them and then place them at your feet and use the lessons you learned from them to help you in your other friendships to help them become better than ever.

you loved me anyway

“And I felt closer to you. Because you knew me so much better than I'd realized - and still loved me.” 


that is a great quote from Rosamund Lupton. we all find ourselves, at some point, surprised to discover how well our friends know us. we think we do such a good job at hiding our truest selves from everyone. but true friends pay attention. they begin to recognize tell signs. signs that show them when we are sad or hurt or in pain. happiness is easily recognizable. that is a face we do not mind showing the world. but betrayal,  embarrassment. failures, sadness. loss, pain; those are often hard to spot. we tend keep to those events, feelings and emotions to ourselves. we seem to fear the repercussions of showing the world anything other than success, confidence and happiness. but life is a balance. without the sad, how can we appreciate happiness; without betrayal, how can we appreciate loyalty; without failure how can we appreciate success. 

so it is with friendship. it is special when we show a friend who we truly are or we discover they know who we truly are. that is when our friendship is truly tested. now that they know the truth about us, what will they do? some people may walk away from us. they may not like who we are or they may not feel we are no longer compatible or they may feel threatened. there are many reasons why people walk away from friendships. when that happens we must search ourselves. if we were the fault, we must work on ourselves. if it was the result of circumstances beyond our power, accept that and then let it go. sometimes friendships end because their season is over. rejoice for what was and cherish the memories.

but the best that can happen is a friend discover who you truly are and then love you because of ... in spite of ... anyway. that is a friendship that will stand the test of time. that is an anam cara friendship. whether you have one anam cara friend or ten. those friendships are rare. those friendships we appreciate. those friendships are a sheltering tree. they are protection from the harsh elements of the world and they give you a place to rest. 

so when the world has dealt you a blow or you have been less than you are or you have suffered at the hands of life, seek out the friends who love you. they will be your sheltering tree. rest in the shade of their love and comfort. lean on them for support knowing you are safe and cared for. When you are are ready to return to the world, you will be able to venture out easily for you will know you have a sheltering tree you can return to  ... you have a friend.

thank you my friend

The days lately have been full of running around and stress. I have time for my chores and my responsibilities but not much time for me, my friends and the things I enjoy. A couple of days ago, a girlfriend came by to help out and relieve me of the some of the pressure of my days. I was ever so grateful. When there was a lull in the day. my girlfriend and I sat with a glass of wine and a bite of food and discussed life. She said the nicest thing ... "I wish I had more money and you more time, I would send you on a trip so you could rest, relax and regroup."

I live the life I live and do the things I do because of the choices I have made. I accept the consequences of my choices because they are my choices. I try not to complain or gripe, even when I am overwhelmed. I sometimes feel I am in my life alone and that no one understands where I am or how I feel. But then my friend comes along and says something like that and I realize I am not alone ... that someone cares... that someone understands. That someone is my friend, my girl, mysISTA gIRL  and i am grateful for her.

We all go through things that take a toll on our lives, our souls, our emotions. We can ignore its effects on us and dig our heels in and keep on or we can remember there are people out there who love us and are willing to help or lend an ear or a shoulder if we would just reach out. Sometimes all they can give is support and encouragement ... but funny ... for me .... that was more than enough. We sat and laughed about good times and what we would do and where we would go if we could. that brief respire made my day and has lingered in the back of my mind for days.

I said thank you then but I am saying thank you again and dedicating this page to her. I wish a friend like her for each and every one of you ... my sISTA gIRLS. May each and everyone of you have friends who recognize when you are drowning in your own decisions and rescue you with a word, or a smile or a hug. AND MAY YOU HAVE A BIG, BEAUTIFUL, BRIGHT, SUNNY, DAY FULL OF LOVE!!!

long distance friends

A few years ago, i worked in the service industry helping out a friend. While there, I met this really cool lady. We clicked almost immediately. As we got to know each other, I discovered she belonged to the Race of Joseph and as we continued to spend time, our relationship became an Anam Cara friendship. Then the inevitable happened. She moved back home. Her home is hours away. I was sorry to see her go, happy for her to be back with her family. I was also concerned about our friendship. I am not a big caller. It is my weakness. I warned her but agreed to make the effort to keep in touch. We agreed to talk once a week and we did at first. But life got in the way and what happened, we stopped calling each other. Probably more me than her ... but either way, we stopped calling.

I though about us today as I worked on pictures for the blog and our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/FriendsForLifeSisterGirls.  I think of my SISTA gIRL often and the times we spent together with much fondness. Distance has affected how often we speak but has not affected my heart. I still love my friend. We are both on Facebook and so we keep in touch that way ... as do so many of us. I love that Facebook allows people to keep in touch that way. But it does sort of remove some of the pressure to call or write a  letter. I wonder if that means the caliber of friendships will change over they years. In that same vein, I wonder if modern technology will change friendships.

Last summer a bunch of friends and I met for dinner at this Cheesecake Factory spin off (the name escapes me just now). While we were there, four young ladies came in and got a table. Three were in their late teens and one was much younger (probably a little sister). The three older girls each had a cell phone; the younger girl did not. Throughout their time at the restaurant, the three older girls were almost constantly on their cells and the younger girl was pretty much ignored. I wasn't as surprised by the younger girl being ignored as I was by their lack of communication with each other. They sat in their booths texting with their cell phones and laughing. One of my friends suggested that they were talking to each other on their cells instead of out loud. I though to myself, "well isn't that crazy".  Why would they prefer to text each other when they were sitting together? My friends and I got into a lively conversation about technology, friendship and dating today and the youth of today. We resolved no issues but had fun nonetheless.

In the end, what I know is ... technology causes me to wonder how we will talk to, spend time with and deal with each other in the future ... like tomorrow. What else do I know, it is good to see my friend on Facebook. Even if we don't call often. it is better than nothing. But, as I say, it takes the pressure off making the effort to call. I am on Facebook daily so I "see" her daily. It is not as good as a call or a visit but for busy people with busy lives it is enough.

WOW, I was not supposed to be discussing technology and friendship. That is a separate post. I really wanted to talk about the effect of distance on friendships. I just wanted to emphasize distance does not really affect true friendships. When I eventually call my friend or she calls me, we pick up our conversation right where we left off. It is as if time has stood still for us while we were living our separate lives. There are no awkward moments, no hesitations. We share our lives and our goals and dreams as if we were sitting across from each other at our favorite bakery having dessert and tea. I think it is because we share a mutual admiration and affection for one another. I think it is because we know each other cares and that the feeling is genuine. I think it is because we love and respect each other and each others lives. I think it is because we are true Anam Cara friends. Those type of friendships are special and while they should not be taken for granted or taken lightly, they do "take a lickin and keep on tickin".

So this post is dedicated to my long distance Anam Cara friend from The Race of Joseph. She is my fiend, my sISTA gIRL and she will always have my heart. I will call her today. I know you guys have long distance friendships ... call one today. but, while you are here, share. 

I knew you would come

Last night I had a chance to get together with a few of my “known you forever” sista girls. We ate and drank and reminisced. We have come to realize, now that we have gotten older, that several of our favorite past memories are really about the quality of our friendship. I would like to share one with all of you.

Many years ago, I threw a house get-together and invited old friends and a few acquaintances. Almost everyone that was invited brought a date. As the evening progressed, one of my girlfriends got into it with her boyfriend. He took the argument to a deeper level than she realized and said he was ready to leave the party. She said fine and they left.

Once in the car, they continued the argument and argued the whole way to her house. They argued as he pulled up to her house, argued as she searched for and found her keys, they argued in her home. Eventually, they ran out of words. When there was nothing left to say, he said “I am done” and stormed out her house for good. She broke down and cried. As she cried she had a coughing fit, choked and slipped and fell. As she fell, she hit head on the bed post. Overwhelmed with sadness and pain, she called us at the party.

We, the two of us who were her sISTA gIRLS, dropped everything and flew from the party to her side. Our men knew how we rolled and understood. My friends knew how I dealt with situations and understood. One new acquaintance wanted to be friends with us (she liked our swag) and asked if she could come “maybe I can help”. She came

We got to our friend’s home, found the front door unlocked and searched the house for her. When we found her, she was slightly intoxicated, her face was streaked with make-up and there was a huge knot on her head. When she saw us her face lit up.  What she said, I think, defines our friendship and all true friendships. “He left me and I fell and hurt myself but I knew you would come.”

She knew we would come. And through the years, we have all gone through things and we have always “come” to the rescue. Whether we came with a shoulder, an ear, a bit of advice, a little laughter, a bed or whatever we had or could do to help, we came. We have seen each other through major and minor situations by dealing with them together. That is what friendship is all about; knowing that if and when you call to me for help, I as your friend will come!!!

Today, reach out to a friend, extend a hand to an acquaintance. You may make a difference. 

the last vestige of love

Friendship is the last vestige of love

Where souls meet and greet in comfort

Where acceptance reigns supreme

Where barriers crumble down 

And acceptance flows

Like fall’s high tide

On a cool

Windy

Day

I read a book last year on love. The author included a list of questions to ask yourself on love and your relationship to love. The last question was: do you think love is growing or disappearing in the world. I asked a lot of people this question because I believed most saw the world as I did - full of loving people, daily growing in love. Imagine my surprise when most said there is less love in this world and that what there is of it is slipping steadily away.

I wonder how that can be possible when we as a people are made from love, when the world is filled daily with examples of love, when that which gives us life and lets us live and move and be is the highest love and we are all from that source of love. Nevertheless, that ... it seems ... is where many people reside; they anticipate there is no love and then wait to be proven right.

But those of us with friendships can change that.  Friendship is the last vestige of love. When we enter into a friendship, we create a source of love. When we do things together, spend time together; that source of love expands. And as our friendships grow, the source of love grows. 

Those of us with true, lasting, Anam Cara friendships give the world an energy boost of high love. That energy boost serves as a way to fill the world with love faster and wider. Why? It takes love to find love. Friendship is a willingness to open one's heart and soul to another. By opening our hearts and souls to our friends we prepare ourselves to open our hearts and souls to the world.

Imagine a world filled with people who have open hearts and souls. That is a world filled with love. It can happen. Love can increase in this world by increasing in us. So, let's all be grateful for our friends, for friendships. They are a source of this world's love, and an avenue to a world filled with loving people.

And like the water's of the ocean, may our friendships always ebb and flow in union with the highest source of love; bringing love to the shores of the hearts of all. Let's all go make friends.

friendship meditations

In light of the prior blog, here is a prayer from John O'Donohue. It is for friends and friendship. 

May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you.
May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them;
May they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth, and light that you need for your journey.
May you never be isolated.
May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your anam cara.

and here is our  prayer for friends and friendship

May we be blessed with friends
May the golden rays of the sun warm our hearts into openness
May we be blessed with friendships
And may the loyalty of the moon fills our hearts with trust
May we be blessed with laughter
Together may it double our joy
May we be blessed with hard times
To share, to learn from and to grow with together
May our friendships be of the soul
That we might never forget their value and importance
May we be surrounded by the light of friendship
Preventing us from stumbling in the dark
May we know the beauty of friendship
That we might see the beauty in the world around us
May we be blessed with happiness
That we might heal each others pain
May we treat each other with loving kindness
Seeking first the goodness in each other
May we blessed with friends
And be grateful for them in our lives

anam cara

Anam Cara

According to Celtic spiritual tradition, the soul shines all around the body like a luminous cloud. I understand this. It is one of the ways we attract friends. As our souls shine, we send out a light that is recognized by others with a similar light. That light attracts other souls like us. We converse and recognize each other and a friendship is sparked. Those kinds of friends, soul friends, cut across convention; those kinds of friends cut across age, race or religion. Those kinds of friends are often true, lasting friends … or “Anam Cara”, the Celtic term for “soul friends” An Anam Cara friend is a friend with whom you have a deeply felt bond.

According to John O’Donohue, the author of Anam Cara: A Book Of Celtic Wisdom,

“The Anam Cara was a person to whom you could reveal the hidden intimacies of your life. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. When you had an Anam Cara, your friendship cut across all convention and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the friend of your soul,”

What is so special about the Anam Cara relationship is that in this relationship, you can be who you truly are and you each accept each other as you truly are, cradling each other in beauty, knowing each other as light. With your Anam Cara, you can share your innermost self; you can share your mind and your heart. And, as your relationship grows, your friendship assists you in awakening your awareness of your truest and highest self and helps you experience a greater joy in being with others.

This friendship is akin to the friendship of soul mates. In such a friendship, you willingly open yourself and your life to another. With trust and courage you allow this person permission to walk, with love and care, into the deepest temples of your spirit, your special, serenity spaces within. You allow them to share the sacred ground of you. In essence, you allow your presence and life to become their ground and they allow their presence and ground to become yours.

 John O’Donohue tells us that in everyone’s life, there is a great need for an Anam Cara. For in this love you are understood, without mask or pretension. And this understanding is precious. It allows you to have a sense of belonging you’ve never known before, a deep sense of special companionship and all your needs for barriers, walls and shields tumble down and your protective distances disappear. Once a bond of this nature is created between friends, it is indestructible.

Question sISTA gIRLS ....Who is YOUR Anam Cara?  Share