LIFE IS A WATER PARTY

i thought about it a lot today and it occurs to me that life... that we are like a day at the pool. imagine… our friend is throwing a mid-summer party. everyone knows she has a huge pool and everyone says they’re going. That’s life and everyone is invited to join in the adventure of living to the fullest. You and I… we are going to the party. We will be looking, watching, being present… being aware. We know this party is a reflection of life and how we face it.

You and I… we arrive first. We are excited to swim, and several follow right behind us - they are also eager to join the party and swim. Those who show up early to the party also show up early in life - urgent, eager, responsible, and more than ready to participate. Those who show up on time are also responsible in life - prepared for whatever comes. Those who show up late are casual about life. They probably show up late in other areas of their life as well. The people that don’t show up at all… well… they probably don’t show up in their lives either and they are also not in integrity with their lives as they did not honor their commitment to attend.

You and I… we sit and watch. As we look around, we notice some people are wearing just their bathing suits, some are wearing the suits beneath their clothes, and some are carrying their suits with them. Those wearing their bathing suits are the adventurers in life and happy to be that way. They came to swim and are ready to do just that. All-in is their middle name. Those with their bathing suit on beneath their clothes are explorers. They are ready to swim as well, but they are aware that there are other possibilities out there are prepared for that. Not just single focused nor filled with urgency, they are ready for life, and all its possibilities. Those with just their clothes on (their bathing suits are in a bag with them) are the evaluators, the analyzers, and watchers. They have probably come prepared to swim, but are not committed. They are prepared to swim, may even want to swim, but they are casual about it. They also like to be in control and are not impulsive. They will plan if they are going swimming, when they are swimming, and are confident that their looks and clothes will not be disturbed by the impulse to swim. They may go for adventure, but only in controlled environments.

Okay, we are the first in the pool. We jump in the middle. We don't worry about the temperature or how deep the water is. We go for it. Guaranteed we… and those like us are risk-takers in life. We trust our instincts and our guts. We are up for the challenge and if we mess up; we get up, dust ourselves off, and try again. We are a good way to be. We never miss opportunities, take chances and are ready when possibility calls. But we can be reckless.

While in the water we look around. A few others are slowly easing into the water. They want in but don’t want the temperature shock. They get in but it takes a minute. these are the people who give new things a try, but only after checking it out thoroughly, and then only at their pace. Not impulsive at all, these people are cautious but determined. They are admirable because they don’t give up. They get where they are going even if it takes a while. They don’t miss out either - they are willing to give things and they are less likely to be reckless.

We also notice the ones who sit on the sidelines without even testing the water. These are the people who never get in. These individuals are the ones who give up and walk away from life, they don't even take the time to find out if the water is right. They give up before they have even gotten started. They have been beaten down by life. They know what is out there and they want it, but life has sucked their hope from them. They are afraid, unwilling, or just no longer able. We just look at them and you shake your head. You feel sorry for them and the opportunities they miss - and you should.

Now let’s examine the people on the sidelines testing the water. the ones who just test and test. These individuals are just playing at life. They want to get in but they can’t - their fears have them stuck.  They have let their worries and fears overtake them and so they never achieve their dreams. The best thing about these people - some of them actually find the courage to give the water a try and are usually so happy for having done so.

My favorites however, are those who get in the water just enough to get their legs wet. They walk about and stroll throughout but never get themselves completely wet. I often find them to be spiritually enlightened. They are not adverse to getting in. they are not afraid nor worried. They have simply chosen not to get all the way in, instead they have chosen to enjoy the beauty, coolness, and delight of the water in a gentler fashion… acknowledging the possibility of getting soaked, prepared to be if it happens, yet trusting that it won’t. They see life as an adventure to be appreciated at a gentler level. They are in the midst and happy watching others enjoying the water at all levels and that can be just as delightful as jumping in the middle.

The point - life is a water party and the smartest people are out there getting wet. They get in the water; they don't just sit on the sidelines. They don’t worry if it’s cold, they know their body will adjust. Besides, the exhilaration is good… energizing. My suggestion - take advantage and go for it. after all.. today is really all you have. You might as well make the best of it.

My wish for today

Hey everyone... it's been a minute... 
and it might be the mood I've been in lately, but today I wanted to say hi and I wanted to share.

Today I wish I could step into a picture and experience the scene. But maybe not a picture of my past. Those memories linger in my mind already and I don’t want to go back because memories are often tainted by subsequent experiences. Also going back in time might be painful - like visiting a moment with a loved one who is now deceased. I might not want to leave or leaving might make me sad and today I think I want to feel elation. Or euphoria. Or something like that.

You see, what I really want is to able to jump into a photograph of a location - like Glacier National Park in Montana and experience the scene. I want to step into the picture and experience the moment. Like a moment at Carnival or a moment standing under the waterfall at God’s Bath in Sonora, California. Or how about feeling the exhilaration of a late spring rain from atop a roof or a summer mist in the middle of a rain-forest? Or what about sipping wine from a little cafe in a winery in France.?Or imagine actually smelling the sweet fragrance of fresh roses in a huge rose garden or tasting an orange just picked from nature.

And there are many advantages. For example, you wouldn’t get lost. The picture would take you right to the spot you want so you wouldn't wind up in the middle of a volcano or the depths of the ocean - unless that is what you want (though why would you). Also it’s a moment in time. so you wouldn't get stuck there for years or hours, days or decades. You would get a few minutes and then you would return to the present. You couldn't get stuck in a time continuum and you wouldn't misstep and land in the middle of a wall or something. You would return from whence you came.

Ah, respite my way... or your way. What a way to spend a lunch break, right?  So today I imagining myself stepping into a picture and experiencing that picture for five minutes. Just enough to whet my appetite for some elation. And what about you? Do you wanna join me? You could experience some elation as well. Or satisfy a curiosity about a place or a thing. Anyway, that's my wish for today. What's yours?

Everyone has the potential to be a SuPeRHeRo. You Can Be Your Own SuPeRHeRo

 As I continue to reflect on what it means to be my own Superhero, I share my reflections with you. As I share I begin to put my thoughts into practice. As I begin to practice being my own SuperHero, I step into my SuperPowers. Hopefully, you begin to practice as well and as you step into your SuperPowers, you become your own SuperHero as well.

what do Superheroes have in common? The fight for truth and justice. You can fight for truth and justice. They are dedicated to their own moral code which often includes a willingness to risk their safety in the service of good without expectation of reward.  You can create your own moral code and be dedicated to it. You can also be in the service of good and committed to protecting the public (without having to risk your safety) without expectation of payment or reward. Superheroes combat threats against humanity. You also can take a stand against threats against humanity.

SuperHeroes have a lot in common, but each has a different life story. Some come from money, some do not. Some have money, some do not, Some were born that way, some were created, and some were the result of accidents or experiments that worked (or ones that didn’t), They are each (sometimes reluctantly) learning to fill their own SuperHero shoes while living normal lives.

Superman, out of his costume, is a mild-mannered, working man living a life of contemplation. Captain America is an honorable man who always tries to do the right thing. The Hulk is working on controlling his temper in even the most volatile situations. Thor is learning to be humble and to think of others besides himself and Batman is a generous supporter of charities and mentors several young people who have had similar life experiences.

As you can see, even Superheros are trying to be the best they can be. They are learning about themselves, acknowledging the things they need to work on and perfecting their skills and talents.

We can each work on being humble and generous. We can each spend time in contemplation. We can learn to control our tempers, and think of others. We can each be in contribution or be of service - as in feeding the hungry, mentoring the young, reading to the elderly, creating life-sustaining gardens, or beautifying your neighborhoods.

We’ve learned we can each do the things SuperHeroes do while in costume. And now it is clear - we can each, in our own ways, and as we so choose, do the same things that SuperHeros do out of costume. The point is Superheros are simply people who have chosen to use their special, supernatural, superhuman, or science-created powers for good.  You have a gift or talent that makes you unique. You too can perfect it and then use it for the good of yourself, others, and humanity as well. And you can do it all while working on being the best you possible.

Now it may be true that none of us will ever leap tall buildings, scale walls, call forth storms, or wield Thor’s  hammer, but that does not mean we will not have the chance to make a difference in the world. We can brighten someone’s day with a smile, be a shoulder for someone who’s sad, share a meal with someone who’s hungry, build a home for someone who’s homeless, or teach someone to read. We can return a lost wallet, help someone with their groceries, be honest when it matters, walk away from a hostile situation, or do a kindness. Everyone has the potential to be a Hero. You can be your own SuPerHeRo.

Loving Yourself around Valentine's Day

I wrote this piece two weeks ago. But it has just sat in my save file. For some reason I have been unable to finish it. Well today, is the day. This piece is finished and I am Posting it. I hope you enjoy it as much I enjoyed writing it and I hope it remains with you as it has remained in my save file.  It is about Valentine's Day and loving yourself...

Valentine's day came and went. I spent it as I have spent most Valentine's Days - with family and friends. At some point, we got into the usual V-day discussion of whether or not it should be celebrated or ignored because the only people who really benefit are card, chocolate, and flower shops, restaurants and jewelers. Most said they don't celebrate because they show love year round and don't need V-day to show or prove their love.

I gave an answer I still stick with but V-day brought up some other issues for me- like trust. I have come to a few conclusions I have been working on. I would like to share them with you.

First, V-day is like any special occasion day - like birthdays or thanksgiving, or Christmas. It is a day to celebrate love. While there will be those who will financially profit from the day, there is nothing wrong with a special day to say "I love you" to someone. Don't spend money if you are against the commercialism; but don't pass up an opportunity to say "I love you", to show your love. Or if you want to do something nice, without spending a penny; create a book of coupons. You know... "this coupon entitles you to one back massage", "this coupon entitles you to one car wash". Family members or friends... anyone would love this.

But, I think, the thing we are missing is that V-Day is not just about couples. It is about love - love of family, love of friends, love of self. We could have each spent the day loving on ourselves. How often do you take a day to just love yourself? How great would that have been? To have bought yourself you favorite flowers and chocolate? To have taken yourself to the movies or to an art show, or to a massage? What if you had run yourself a nice, hot bubble bath and then enjoedy it with a glass of wine?

It is true you can do these things any day of the week, But how many of us actually remember to take care of ourselves? How many of us treat ourselves as we want others to treat us? How many of us love on ourselves? Perhaps that is how we should have celebrated the day. 

Anyway, thinking about all this made me also think about what loving myself and others actually means. Love is about trust. If you love yourself, you trust yourself. Trusting yourself allows you to trust others and trusting another allows you to love them. Love without trust is not a healthy love - is not really love and does not last.

When you trust yourself - your dreams, your thoughts, your actions, you are more willing to take risks, you are more willing to be open to love. It does not mean you think you are perfect, but it does mean you give yourself credit for your authenticity, and you have faith in yourself and what you stand for. It also means you trust your opinions, feelings, intuition. 

When you trust yourself, your love for yourself grows. When you stand up for yourself, your love grows. Trusting yourself is the beginning of trusting others, just as loving yourself is the beginning of loving others. Sometimes life beats up on us and rather than acknowledging that life can do that, we sometimes blame ourselves. If we do that over a course of time, we stop trusting ourselves, we stop believing in ourselves and then we stop loving ourselves. Then one day, we wake up suspicious of everyone and we wonder what happened.

Days like V-Day can change that. Days that we set aside to love ourselves can restore our faith in ourselves. When we take the time to care for ourselves we remind ourselves that we matter, that we are worth it. This helps us to restore our trust in who we are, how we think, what we feel. This helps us to love ourselves more.

When we begin to trust ourselves, when we begin to love ourselves; we will discover the magic of trusting and loving others... and being trusted and loved. There is nothing like sharing who you are in open vulnerability and having that sharing reciprocated. There is nothing like LeaNiNG In, knowing the other person has you - nothing like having someone LeaN IntO you, trusting that you have them. There is nothing like sharing all of who you are, knowing the other person will accept you... and vice-verse. These are magical moments. I want these for myself. How about you?

I have decided, I am going to have a Valentine's Day year. I am going to take care of me, love on me, trust me. That way I will begin to love others, trust others and have magical moments. Why don't we all have a Valentine's year. I'm worth it. You're worth it. We're all worth it? So, let's do it!!!

"If you don't love yourself,

you'll always be chasing people who

don't love you either."

-- Mandy Hale --

-- asd --

can you let go of your perceptions? Can you forgive yourself?

so i had the most interesting conversation today with someone. ironic the conversation took place in autumn, the day after a night of rain. it was all about how our perceptions of ourselves and our lives effect every other aspect of our life. I got it, my friend did not. That is not to say I always get it, but it is to say this was one of those conversations where I got it and was trying to help them get it.

autumn  - i love this season, it reminds me how beautiful letting go can be when done in a healthy environment, in a a healthy way, for the right reasons. We let go of what no longer fits, what no longer suits, what no longer works. we let go to have new, to have better; we let go to heal, to grow; we let go to be better, because it is time.

and rain - i love the rain, the feel of wetness and the rhythm of the drops, it enriches my soul. the morning after a night of rain is always a cleaner, purer, fresher day. as though the rain released and then washed away all the toxins. the aftermath is usually a day of sun, and sweet smells and lighter essences. so, when we release the toxins that hold us hostage and allow them to be washed away, we too emerge cleaner, sweeter and lighter in essence. 

sometimes in order to let go we have to acknowledge that the way we see things is not fact ... not truth - even though it may be a truth for us. In reality it is just a perception and a perception is a personal belief. further - a truth is not a fact. a truth is a perception you have based on what you know and truths change as your knowledge grows.

anyway, i was trying to get my friend to understand that their truths were really based on their perceptions, and that if they would forgive themselves, it would actually change their perceptions, and open them and their lives up to new possibilities. if my friend would begin by forgiving their self, they would be able to forgive others and that forgiveness would allow joy, love and healing into their life in whole new and unexpected ways.

i know how hard it is to do this work. to examine your perceptions, acknowledge that some are no longer relevant and then discard them. it is hard to forgive yourself and others, and leave yourself open to new possibilities. it is hard to let go of what has been our constant companion for so long, but that is how we get better, that is how we make room for new and improved in our lives. that is how we heal and grow.

i don't know if my friend really got it. i left them to think about what i said. but this i know for sure. forgiveness must start with forgiving yourself just as loving others begins with first loving ourselves. and we can't let go of things outside of our control if we don't first let go of the things within our control. it is hard work. sometimes it is sad work, at times it is angry work, but once done, a weight comes off and you feel lighter and airy. better... whole new possibilities begin to to open up and paths towards you are cleared.

my suggestion - go for it. take a chance on yourself. you are smarter than you realize. stronger than you know and more resilient than you believe. it is worth it and you will be glad you did. SO... today... forgive yourself, let go, release those toxins and then breathe in the cleaner, sweeter, lighter essence that is you. when you are done, be prepared for all the wonderfulness that has been waiting to come rushing to you...  be prepared... it will happen and it will be good. 

Rainy Day Memories

It's been raining since last night and is supposed to continue until tomorrow afternoon. we are supposedly in the midst of two separate tropical storms that are going to collide later this afternoon. i like storms ... so long as I am not out in them driving. I have lots of 

memories of wonderful things i have done in storms. i think of them on days like this.

I remember this one birthday my girlfriend had. She was turning twenty-something … an early twenty number I can’t remember. A bunch of us, all friends, decided to take her to the city (Manhattan) for a birthday lunch. I can’t remember where we ate; but I remember how much fun we had. This was back in the early eighties when going to the city was a big deal. It meant getting dressed in a nice outfit and being on your best behavior. It was such a special occasion; we ordered drinks with our meal. I think we each had two and came away from the restaurant a little tipsy.

 When we left it was still early; the sun was just beginning to set. It was a cool spring day and we were all in a great mood; trying to decide where we would go next. As we walked and talked, it started to rain. We all started talking at once about the movie Singing in the Rain and the scene in which Gene Kelly actually dances in the rain with an umbrella. One of my girlfriends spots a lamppost and dares me to dance as Gene did. Why me? Well, I had taken dance lessons and tap lessons for years so if any one of us was going to do it, it would have to be me. “Okay.” I agreed, but only if they joined me.

Then there, in the middle of a block in Manhattan, I, followed by my friends, opened my umbrella and began singing and dancing in the rain. What a blast that was! I can still picture us laughing and dancing and jumping around, and laughing some more! Now some of you may say … “only in New York” but I say … “only with friends”. The best part of this memory … the women I danced with that day are still my friends today. We have been through a lot but we still know how to dance and sing in the rain.

Do you have a favorite rain memory. Share it with us.

making friends -- jumping in

I ran into an old acquaintance today. I remember when we met. I thought she was very nice and we seemed to have a lot in common. She even lived right across the street from a family member. I thought it was a good fit. She was new to the neighborhood and asked if we could get together. I said absolutely. I thought it would be fun and I thought we could be friends. But as always happens with me, things got in the way and we never actually hooked up. So when we ran into each other today, we laughed and were very friendly but that spark of potential … of shared intimacy was gone.

 I felt a twinge of disappointment as we parted for what could have been or what might have been. We could have been friends. We could have been “come on over and let’s sit together and have tea “pals; Or better yet … “I’m barbequing, why don’t you stop by” friends. But we didn’t. She did invite me over once when she ran into me and I invited her out once because I ran into her. But that was a long time ago and that’s not the same as me dropping by to invite her out or her calling to invite me over just because. And that’s what friends do.

I can’t really blame her and I can’t really blame me. Life gets in the way. New friendships require more effort than older friendships or at least a different type of effort. The calling and visiting of an older friend is as natural as breathing. Newer friendships or the attempting to become friends takes patience, persistence and remembrance. It is not yet a natural experience. If it doesn’t happen when opportunity is knocking, sometimes it just never happens.

I must admit, sometimes when I see her, I am tempted to say “let’s meet and do lunch or dinner”. But it is years later. She may say no and not suggest we try another time. She may ask me “why” and I will feel uncomfortable. I am a coward. But, I know that fear is a choice and I can choose to ignore the emotion and opt for a better way. I can extend the hand of friendship.  Who know where the gesture can lead.

The next time I see her, I am going to push past the fear and invite her out. She may say no but she might say yes. Whatever she says, I will be proud of myself for taking the time and making the effort. I will release the past – not making the effort. I will not anticipate the future – that maybe she will say no. I will make the conscious choice to take a leap of loving faith by staying focused on the present –that I am content with this choice.

How many of you out there know someone you think you might want to be friends with? Next time you see him or her, extend the hand of friendship. Suggest coffee, or lunch, or drinks. She may belong to The Race That Knows Joseph. She may eventually become an Anam Cara friend. If so, you will have made a good choice. If not, at least you gave it your best effort and you have overcome a fear; which is something you should be proud of.

I am willing to give it a go. Let’s do it together. Okay sISTA gIRLS. It might be great!  U.O.E.N.O.!!!!  LOL!!!