we live inside of relationships

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot about how we… as people do not realize that we live inside of relationships. it’s sounds great but just what does that mean… we live inside of relationships. i’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure that out. if we are constantly being told to love ourselves first, because the most important thing to know is that we spend more time with ourselves than we do with others, that means we live alone. alone is the opposite of relationships. If we are also told that we live inside of relationships than that means we are not alone and then perhaps we should love ourselves second. but that makes no sense at all. can we love ourselves first and still exist inside of relationships?

I think the answer stems from our understanding of love. love is the energy we live in. we are created from love, born to love, designed to spread and share love and we start first by loving ourselves. once we are able to love ourselves we can love others and that works because other than when we are alone, we are not.

We live in a universe filled with people. everything we do and everything we enjoy involves someone beyond ourselves.  the car we drive was created by someone. when we bought it we dealt with someone. the food we eat was raised by someone, farmed by someone, manufactured by someone, sold to us by someone. the bed we sleep on was made by someone, stored by someone, delivered to us by someone.and so we live inside of relationships, many different kinds of relationships, but still.. relationships. therefore, if we do not acknowledge this, we are missing a major part of life.

If we do not open up to and acknowledge that relationships shape our lives. we will miss out on many things, on many experiences. if we embrace the concept and become aware of the many relationships we experience daily, we realize we are not ever truly alone. once we realize we are not truly alone, we can begin to see how it is that we live inside of relationships. once we get that, we also get that the driving force behind this world is love. and once you open yourself to love, everything changes.

Once you really begin to love yourself, you love to overflowing. once your love overflows, loving yourself will not be enough. you will begin to share that love with others and that love will overflow. you will then want to share your love with the world. once you start to share your love with the world and your love still overflows, you will begin to change the world. once you become a source of overflowing love… your life will change. and we want that to happen because that is our purpose… to love. once we begin to be the source of love, life as we know it will change. The light of love will fill this world and all will be well.

And so, i get it. we live inside of relationships and with those relationships we can change the world. but it all starts with us… and with love.

It's all about joy!

It's all about Joy

seek the things in life that bring you pleasure -

seek the work, people, and places,

the experiences that bring you pleasure

for pleasure is medicine

seek the things that fill you with love

the work, places, and experiences that fill you with love

the people that fill you with love to overflowing,

for love has the power to heal

know this… pleasure

when accompanied by love

creates a rapturous feeling

a euphoria, a deep-down, divine,

light-shining , light-feeling joy

that is natural and healing

we need it

we crave it.

we seek it.

when it is missing from our lives

we will seek it

continuously and endlessly

when we have it...

when we have that feeling in our lives...

that deep down divine joy...

we are happier and healthier,

our light glows stronger

our love feels warmer

and spreads farther

and the world shines that much brighter

when i choose to love

When I Choose to Love

We are made from love… by love… to love. With love, we have everything. Without love we are without… just… without.

When I choose to love, I allow myself the opportunity to be open, to share my vulnerability, to trust myself and others, and to get connected

When I choose to love, I honor the light, love, beauty, and joy within you because it is also within me.

When I share my light, love, beauty, and joy, I honor all that I was created to be… I honor all that I am as I honor you.

When I choose to love, when I choose to share, and when I allow myself these opportunities, I begin to look at you and the world differently. I actually begin to see you.

In seeing you, I recognize there is no difference between us. We are one… and we are the same - in all our perfection and imperfections

When we become one, our light shines brighter, or love flows stronger, our beauty blossoms wildly, and our joy becomes vibrant.

When I choose love, I also choosing to act from a place of love.

When I choose to act from a place of love, I am choosing kindness - to do a kindness, to be kindness. Kindness is an active expression of love.

When I choose to be kind to myself, I am choosing to love myself. When I choose to be kind to others, I am choosing to love them.

When I choose to be kind, I am choosing love.

And so…  I choose to love. And when I love, my heart recognizes your heart and when I do a kindness, my soul honors your soul.

When we live in a world of love, when love is our first choice, when we see each other, and when we honor each other… our souls begin to recognize and touch each other. And in the end, isn’t that what we want? Your heart to recognize my heart… your soul to recognize my soul.

LoVe SPReaDeRS

I am a light bearer, a love spreader, a joy sharer, a dreamer.  There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we truly content. We seek not so much to explore life, as to explore people. We seek to understand people - why they say the things they say, do the things they do, think as they think, feel as they feel. We start by exploring ourselves, hoping to understand why we do, say, think, and feel the things we do. By understanding who we are, we hope to begin to understand others.

We are earth lovers. We like to walk in the rain, feel the wind tangle in our hair, and the breezes tingle across our skin. We appreciate the beauty of a first snow, the smell of babies, the unconditional loyalty of pets, the sound of birds, the fragrance of flowers, and the serenity of trees. We fill our homes with art, music, flowers, books, and things that bring us joy. We are drawn by Mother Nature - taken by her power, her mystery, her majesty, and her unspeakable beauty. We are intrigued by forests and awe-struck by mountains. We are fascinated by the mystery of deserts, hidden caves, and obscure rivers. We are especially at home in large, lonely cities. We can be as mercurial as the weather in London, our emotions running deeper than the oceans of the world. Indeed, our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter; and finding someone we love to share our sadness with, and not feel shame, is perhaps one of the greatest joys we can know.

We are idealists who often feel alone in the world. We want so much to love and give and are often broken hearted by the response we receive when we open our hearts. Some of us have taken to hiding our light in fear of rejection. Some of us have stopped trusting our natural instinct to love - it is so often misunderstood.  But, we look out for those who are like us, long for those who are willing to understand and accept us, and rejoice when we find those who are willing to love us.

We are as simple as we are complicated. We are both hard to understand and easy to read.  Simply put - we seek joy and light, kindness and compassion, serenity and enlightenment. In ourselves, others, and  the world… just as we look everywhere for magical moments, the grace of blessings, and everything beautiful. Most of all, we seek love - love to give and love to receive. We want to live fully, feel deeply, and enjoy relationships that will encourage our light to brighten, and our love to flow..

For dreamers, light-bearers, joy seekers, and love spreaders…  for men and women who dare to ask of life everything good, loving, light-filled, and beautiful; I say - let us stand together and love. Let us trust and love. Let us bring joy and love. For when we do, our light shines bright, and our love can fill and change the world.

-- asd --

Loving Yourself around Valentine's Day

I wrote this piece two weeks ago. But it has just sat in my save file. For some reason I have been unable to finish it. Well today, is the day. This piece is finished and I am Posting it. I hope you enjoy it as much I enjoyed writing it and I hope it remains with you as it has remained in my save file.  It is about Valentine's Day and loving yourself...

Valentine's day came and went. I spent it as I have spent most Valentine's Days - with family and friends. At some point, we got into the usual V-day discussion of whether or not it should be celebrated or ignored because the only people who really benefit are card, chocolate, and flower shops, restaurants and jewelers. Most said they don't celebrate because they show love year round and don't need V-day to show or prove their love.

I gave an answer I still stick with but V-day brought up some other issues for me- like trust. I have come to a few conclusions I have been working on. I would like to share them with you.

First, V-day is like any special occasion day - like birthdays or thanksgiving, or Christmas. It is a day to celebrate love. While there will be those who will financially profit from the day, there is nothing wrong with a special day to say "I love you" to someone. Don't spend money if you are against the commercialism; but don't pass up an opportunity to say "I love you", to show your love. Or if you want to do something nice, without spending a penny; create a book of coupons. You know... "this coupon entitles you to one back massage", "this coupon entitles you to one car wash". Family members or friends... anyone would love this.

But, I think, the thing we are missing is that V-Day is not just about couples. It is about love - love of family, love of friends, love of self. We could have each spent the day loving on ourselves. How often do you take a day to just love yourself? How great would that have been? To have bought yourself you favorite flowers and chocolate? To have taken yourself to the movies or to an art show, or to a massage? What if you had run yourself a nice, hot bubble bath and then enjoedy it with a glass of wine?

It is true you can do these things any day of the week, But how many of us actually remember to take care of ourselves? How many of us treat ourselves as we want others to treat us? How many of us love on ourselves? Perhaps that is how we should have celebrated the day. 

Anyway, thinking about all this made me also think about what loving myself and others actually means. Love is about trust. If you love yourself, you trust yourself. Trusting yourself allows you to trust others and trusting another allows you to love them. Love without trust is not a healthy love - is not really love and does not last.

When you trust yourself - your dreams, your thoughts, your actions, you are more willing to take risks, you are more willing to be open to love. It does not mean you think you are perfect, but it does mean you give yourself credit for your authenticity, and you have faith in yourself and what you stand for. It also means you trust your opinions, feelings, intuition. 

When you trust yourself, your love for yourself grows. When you stand up for yourself, your love grows. Trusting yourself is the beginning of trusting others, just as loving yourself is the beginning of loving others. Sometimes life beats up on us and rather than acknowledging that life can do that, we sometimes blame ourselves. If we do that over a course of time, we stop trusting ourselves, we stop believing in ourselves and then we stop loving ourselves. Then one day, we wake up suspicious of everyone and we wonder what happened.

Days like V-Day can change that. Days that we set aside to love ourselves can restore our faith in ourselves. When we take the time to care for ourselves we remind ourselves that we matter, that we are worth it. This helps us to restore our trust in who we are, how we think, what we feel. This helps us to love ourselves more.

When we begin to trust ourselves, when we begin to love ourselves; we will discover the magic of trusting and loving others... and being trusted and loved. There is nothing like sharing who you are in open vulnerability and having that sharing reciprocated. There is nothing like LeaNiNG In, knowing the other person has you - nothing like having someone LeaN IntO you, trusting that you have them. There is nothing like sharing all of who you are, knowing the other person will accept you... and vice-verse. These are magical moments. I want these for myself. How about you?

I have decided, I am going to have a Valentine's Day year. I am going to take care of me, love on me, trust me. That way I will begin to love others, trust others and have magical moments. Why don't we all have a Valentine's year. I'm worth it. You're worth it. We're all worth it? So, let's do it!!!

"If you don't love yourself,

you'll always be chasing people who

don't love you either."

-- Mandy Hale --

-- asd --

Are you ready to step out... be a risk-taker?

just finished reading an old posting of mine from about five years ago. It was me reviewing a conversation I’d had with a friend, and as a result, acknowledging that I had not been upfront and honest about my feelings about dating again, and that I had not been putting myself out there in my relationships. I had not even realized that I had not been doing this. It is ironic because I had a similar conversation with my sister just last month. She said my actions show that I am not open and willing to put myself out there in relationships. And yet, I am much further along than I was five years ago. Once again, although I was sure I was being open and putting myself out there, I was not.  So to hear that what I thought I was thinking and feeling was not consistent with my actions was surprising..

While I could argue and refute these assessments, what would be the point. Better to honestly examine my actions, or lack thereof and see if they are right - do they match where I am emotionally. I did so and I have to admit it. I have unconsciously wrapped my arms so tight around myself, to avoid pain, that I have not allowed myself room to actually step out, trust and take chances. Or, I have stepped out so far and expected so much, I have pushed people away. So whether I’m not in it or I’m pushing too hard, I am clearly self-sabotaging.

In my prior blog, my friend dared me to write about it in my blog. She said a true blog is about the successes and failures of the writer. She said it would not only help me, it might help others. I believed then that she was right (she usually is), and I believe the same today. Back then I took her challenge, and I am again taking her challenge and sharing our conversation. I am acknowledging that although I have repeatedly said I am ready; I have, unbeknown to myself, done everything but take a sincere leap of faith.

Today, in this post, I acknowledge my inability, in the past, to step out in faith, while acknowledging my desire to enter into happy, healthy, loving relationships (of all kinds). I am indeed ready to be open and trusting, and through that, trust the process and take action when opportunities present themselves (and even create possibilities). I am going to be gentle with myself and allow myself to go with the flow of things while being honest with myself about where I want things to end up. I am going forward with open eyes, open arms and an open, trusting heart.

What about the rest of you? Are you ready to step out in faith? Are you ready to trust the process? Are you ready to be open to possibilities? Are you willing to tell someone how you feel (boss, family, friend, lover). Let’s give it a try. You may be glad you did.

Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.

Author Unknown

Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?

Frank Scully

do you have people who support you? are you supportive?

My days lately have been full - very full. I have time for my writing, my businesses, and the course I'm taking in personal development. I make/find time for my responsibilities, my family, my friends, and my animals. With the time that is left, I do me and the things I enjoy. With what is left, I sleep. It is the most busy I have been in years. A couple of days ago, some of my family, my sISTA gIRL and I sat with a glass of wine and a bite of food and discussed life, personal development and our dreams fro the future. It was wonderful. We were all fully connected to each other and fully supportive of our future dreams. It is not the first time we have had this conversation and not the first time we have supported each other.

I was reading through some of my old posts and I came across a blog that had comments I'd like to share with you...

"I live the life I live and do the things I do because of the choices I have made. I accept the consequences of my choices because they are my choices. I try not to complain or gripe, even when I am overwhelmed. I sometimes feel I am in my life alone and that no one understands where I am or how I feel. But then my friend comes along and says something like that  ("I wish I had more money and you more time, I would send you on a trip so you could rest, relax and regroup.") and I realize I am not alone ... that someone cares... that someone understands. That someone is my friend, my girl, mysISTA gIRL  and i am grateful for her.

"We all go through things that take a toll on our lives, our souls, our emotions. We can ignore its effects on us and dig our heels in and keep on or we can remember there are people out there who love us and are willing to help or lend an ear or a shoulder if we would just reach out. Sometimes all they can give is support and encouragement ... but funny ... for me .... that was more than enough. We sat and laughed about good times and what we would do and where we would go if we could. that brief respire made my day and has lingered in the back of my mind for days."

At the end of that post, I thanked my sISTA gIRL for her love and support. She is still my sISTA gIRL, my anam cara, my kindred spirit today and I still thank her for her love and support. But today, I also want to thank my family members who have been there for me, supporting and encouraging me. I also want to thank them and my sISTA gIRL for allowing me the opportunity to give them feedback in an atmosphere of love and vulnerability. They know that I speak from a place of love and support, as they do when they speak to me.

I wish everyone a friend like my sISTA gIRL. I wish everyone family members like mine. I wish everyone to have happy, healthy, loving, harmonious, open, connected relationships. 

May each and everyone of you have friends, family members, and partners who recognize when you are drowning and rescue you with a word, a smile, or a hug; who support you when your stuff is tight and things are going right; and who stand by you just because and ride the wave with you. 

What if we could look into each other’s heart

I was just thinking about this quote today in relation to a new woman I have met who seems to push the buttons of moist of the people who don't really know her. The people who seem to have taken the time to know her, seem to love her. It was slightly confusing... until I remembered this quote. Then I understood. Her friends had taken the time to look into her heart and now understood her and in understanding her had grown to love her. It does make me wish, when we looked at people, we could see their hearts and souls and not just the outer packaging. I guess it is something I have to work n, inside me - to see past the outer trimmings to the goodness within. Anyway, as a result, I just had to re-post this

If we could look into each other’s heart and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance and care.

--Soul vision healing --

such a beautiful quote.

i have an acquaintance, she is a caring individual with a very abrupt, brusque manner. i have a relative, also very caring with a victim mentality. both of these individuals walk on the wild side when it comes to opinions and don't back down. even when they are the only one, and even in the midst of a crowd. they are also needy and don't know how to express their need.

people often tease them about their opinions and talk about them behind their backs. i wish i could say i never participate but that would be a lie. but i do always interject with a reminder that they are caring people who deserve love even if they are different. i try to understand the things that have brought them to where they are, and try to at least view them from a place of tolerance.

when i read this quote, it touched me. i thought of them immediately and knew i had to share it with you... my sISTA gIRLS.

i am sure in all of our lives, there are people who push our buttons, who make us a little crazy, who irk our nerves just a bit, who push us to our limits, take us to places we don't want us to go, and bring out in us the things we would rather never see. in the end, we should be grateful for these people, for their presence in our lives. they force us to see who we really are and to...at the same time...be better people.

so, the next time you are with one of these people...friend, relative, acquaintance, step back and try to look at them with eyes and heart wide open. try to see where they are coming from and why they are that way. perhaps you will be able to view them differently and then begin to treat them with caring and tolerance.

hey... think about it...you would want that if it were you i was talking about. as a matter of fact... that person i am talking about... just might be YOU.

Have You Touched the Center of Your Sorrow - how to deal with sorrow

More on The Invitation… how to deal with sorrow

A while back, I shared with all of you some posts from a prior blog. They were on The Invitation. I missed one and thought I would share it with you today. It is on dealing with sorrow.

"It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it."

— from The Invitation, Oriah Mountain dreamer —

I have done all of those things and then some. I have experienced deep sorrow and ultimate betrayal by life. I have closed myself off from fear of further pain. I have just sat with my pain. Years ago, my uncle, a New York City hospital officer was gunned down by a major Columbian drug lord. Years later, my husband, a New York City police officer, was gunned down in the line of duty and my father, who was suffering through two kinds of cancer, died the very next day. At the time, my daughter was a little girl, and my husband and I were trying to have another child…

Those two events were so devastating that at times, all I could do was acknowledge the pain; all I could do was endure. The pain was so overwhelming, I shut down. I don’t even remember most of the events of the year following the deaths of my husband and father. And, when my life began to take on some form of normalcy again, I consciously chose to close myself off from further pain. I let no newcomers into my circle of friends and refused to have any dealings with men. I said I would never date again, never fall in love again.If that wasn’t enough, some of the people in my circle and my husband’s circle could not handle what happened and stopped dealing with my daughter and me. They said that being around us was a constant reminder of what happened and they could not handle that. So they chose to stop being in our lives. They were people who were important to me, but more than that; people who were important to my daughter. We learned to live without the two most important men in our lives and the absence of long-held friendships.

So, I have sat with pain, and just endured. I have closed myself off to avoid further pain. I have done all that. But, in the end, I learned to let go. First, I made new friends. Then, I freed myself of the bonds that the fear of the pain of loss cause and am now I am in a place of hope. I am now open to love; I am open to giving and receiving love. Hell, I’m even open to the knowledge that taking a chance on love also means the possibility of experiencing sorrow all over again… though I hope that doesn’t happen. Was letting go easy? Hell, no it wasn’t. Some of the people who were very close to my family dealt with the deaths by drinking to excess - a sure fire way to avoid facing pain. Some refused to cry, prided themselves on never shedding a tear. Even I even went through a period when I refused to cry. After all, many of us have been taught that tears are a sign of weakness. And, for a while, I was actually unable to cry. But one day, I was caught off guard and I cried. No, I sobbed…great, big, gut-wrenching tears. You know, painful, nose running, hiccup-causing, can’t see or breathe tears…tears so intense you feel like they will never stop. Yes, I cried those tears, and from then on, it was easier to cry. And I must admit, I still sometimes cry and it still hurts. But I believe that moment was the beginning of my cleansing and healing.

In the end, I think the most healing moments came when I just sat with my pain. It was like my skin for such a long time, it was hard not to acknowledge it. But, I mean I really sat with my pain; I examined it; I spoke to it; I let it speak to me. Those moments gave me insight into many aspects of my life, my marriage, my husband and my father. Those moments also gave me insight into where I was with my pain, Those moments are where I eventually found hope. Those moments are where I began to let go.

Today, examine your life. Are there areas of pain you have chosen not to deal with? Pull those painful memories out and begin to tackle them head on. Face your pain, acknowledge it, sit with it, speak to it. Cry if you can. Then determine to conquer your pain and let it go. First acknowledge there is a thing called hope that you can rely on. If you can do this, you can begin to move on.

Good morning heartache / Here we go again / Good morning heartache / You’re the one who knew me when / Might as well get use to you / hanging around / Good morning heartache / Sit down

— written by Irene Higgenbotham, Ervin Drake, and Dan Fisher originally recorded by jazz singer Billie Holiday in 1946) —

— written by angela skeetedavis (asd) —

photographs of the dance “Revelations” created by Alvin Ailey

friendship is love

Friendship is the last vestige of love

Where souls meet and greet in comfort

Where acceptance reigns supreme

Where barriers crumble down

And acceptance flows

Like fall’s high tide

On a cool

Windy

Day

I read a book last year on love. The author included a list of questions to ask yourself on love and your relationship to love. The last question was: do you think love is growing or disappearing in the world. I asked a lot of people this question because I believed most saw the world as I did - full of loving people, daily growing in love. Imagine my surprise when most said there is less love in this world and that what there is of it is slipping steadily away.

I wonder how that can be possible when we as a people are made from love, when the world is filled daily with examples of love, when that which gives us life and lets us live and move and be is the highest love and we are all from that source of love. Nevertheless, that ... it seems ... is where many people reside; they anticipate there is no love and then wait to be proven right.

But those of us with friendships can change that.  Friendship is the last vestige of love. When we enter into a friendship, we create a source of love. When we do things together, spend time together; that source of love expands. And as our friendships grow, the source of love grows. 

Those of us with true, lasting, Anam Cara friendships give the world an energy boost of high love. That energy boost serves as a way to fill the world with love faster and wider. Why? It takes love to find love. Friendship is a willingness to open one's heart and soul to another. By opening our hearts and souls to our friends we prepare ourselves to open our hearts and souls to the world.

Imagine a world filled with people who have open hearts and souls. That is a world filled with love. It can happen. Love can increase in this world by increasing in us. So, let's all be grateful for our friends, for friendships. They are a source of this world's love, and an avenue to a world filled with loving people.

And like the water's of the ocean, may our friendships always ebb and flow in union with the highest source of love; bringing love to the shores of the hearts of all. Let's all go make friends.

Don't. Let. Go.

We all want money, power, wealth, and success to some degree or another. We get it and we find that we are still not satisfied. That is because what we want is not necessarily what we need. When what we want matches what we need: we will truly be happy.

What is it we want and need: to be loved. But not JUST to be loved. We want…need to be loved by someone to our VERY CORE. We need a companion. But not just a companion, we need a companion for life, a true companion. We need a friend and a soul mate. We need someone special in our life, someone, with whom we can share everything. We need someone with whom we can share our heart and our soul. We need someone we can be intimate with; someone who loves us with complete conviction and honesty. We need someone we can trust for the rest of our lives.

The reality is we don’t always get what we want and worse we don’t always get what we need.  So, many of us give up and resign ourselves to spending a lonely life or at least a life alone. But that is not the answer. You must choose to embrace love with open arms whenever it comes to you and touches your heart and soul…in whatever form it appears. That is the only way to get more. And, if someone chooses to love you with all that they have… DON'T. LET. GO. 

friends who need our tolerance and care

If we could look into each other’s heart and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance and care.

--Soul vision healing --

such a beautiful quote.

i have an acquaintance, she is a caring individual with a very abrupt, brusque manner. i have a relative, also very caring with a victim mentality. both of these individuals walk on the wild side when it comes to opinions and don't back down. even when they are the only one, even in the midst of a crowd. they are also needy and don't know how to express their need.

people often tease them about their opinions and talk about them behind their backs. i wish i could say i never participate but that would be a lie. but i do always interject with a reminder that they are caring people who deserve love even if they are different. i try to understand the things that have brought them to where they are, and try to at least view them from a place of tolerance.

when i read this quote, it touched me. i thought of them immediately and knew i had to share it with you... my sISTA gIRLS.

 i am sure in all of our lives, there are people who push our buttons, who make us a little crazy, who irk our nerves just a bit, who push us to our limits - take us to places we don't want us to go, and bring out in us the things we would rather never see. in the end, we should be grateful for these people, for their presence in our lives. they force us to see who we really are and to...at the same time...be better people.

the next time you are with one of these people...friend, relative, acquaintance; step back and try to look at them with eyes and heart wide open. try to see where they are coming from and why they are that way. perhaps you will be able to view them differently and then begin to treat them with caring and tolerance.

hey... think about it...you would want that if it were you i was talking about. as a matter of fact... that person i am talking about... just might be YOU.

tell me...where is the love

is it me? as a rule, i do not listen to the news. i do not read the news. i spend most of my day looking at beautiful things and listening to beautiful music. i surround myself, in my home, with beautiful things.it is not just that i enjoy beautiful things - i am trying to keep evil at bay.

now, i do know what is going on because we (my family, friends and i) talk about the events in the world all the time..."hey, did you hear?" but i try not to....often....share bad news or depressing stories. but i am far from perfect. as i write this it occurs that when i talk about my frustrations with situations i am involved in or people i am dealing with...it is the same thing. now, if i release and let go of my frustrations with those things, i guess how i perceive those situations and people would change. but that does not work with the stories in the news.

it does work with me but as with everything on my journey, it is a hard thing to do. it is hard to let go of my attitudes, perceptions, experiences. they color my perceptions. i think i have told you before - my friends say i wear rose-colored glasses. i don't think that is true. but i do believe if we each try to seek the goodness in others first and try to be kind, we would all be part of a love movement that would bring the people of this world closer to the world it was created to be... a world of love. but as with letting go, that is hard.

the last few days, i have heard a lot of tragic stories;stories of molestation of children, illness, death and suicide. i wish i could say that i also heard stories of birth and recovery, of marriage and new love, of wellness and accomplishment. but i cannot. my friends say love is waning, that evil is rising. they say that evil is pervasive and we must fight even harder to stay loving. i say love is growing, that spirituality is spreading, that self-introspection is becoming popular and that more people are trying to live lives of kindness, love and peace. but a week like i have had makes it hard for me to keep the glow of possibility in my heart.

so today, i am lifting up those who are going through hard, sad, tumultuous times. i am holding my heart in my hand and letting the glow of my soul once again fill my heart with radiant love. and then i am going to step outdoors and hold my heart up to the heavens. mayhaps the radiant glow of my heart's loving kindness will reach out to the hearts and souls of others. mayhaps it will touch others and they will wish to spread this loving kindness to others, as well.

if enough of us share loving kindness, perhaps next week i will hear stories of overcoming and health, of peace and joy, of compassion and goodness. perhaps i will hear stories of love and kindness and i will know once again that loving kindness does abound in this world of ours.

if you read this and are moved to comment... please tell me and my friends .... where is the love?

you loved me anyway

“And I felt closer to you. Because you knew me so much better than I'd realized - and still loved me.” 


that is a great quote from Rosamund Lupton. we all find ourselves, at some point, surprised to discover how well our friends know us. we think we do such a good job at hiding our truest selves from everyone. but true friends pay attention. they begin to recognize tell signs. signs that show them when we are sad or hurt or in pain. happiness is easily recognizable. that is a face we do not mind showing the world. but betrayal,  embarrassment. failures, sadness. loss, pain; those are often hard to spot. we tend keep to those events, feelings and emotions to ourselves. we seem to fear the repercussions of showing the world anything other than success, confidence and happiness. but life is a balance. without the sad, how can we appreciate happiness; without betrayal, how can we appreciate loyalty; without failure how can we appreciate success. 

so it is with friendship. it is special when we show a friend who we truly are or we discover they know who we truly are. that is when our friendship is truly tested. now that they know the truth about us, what will they do? some people may walk away from us. they may not like who we are or they may not feel we are no longer compatible or they may feel threatened. there are many reasons why people walk away from friendships. when that happens we must search ourselves. if we were the fault, we must work on ourselves. if it was the result of circumstances beyond our power, accept that and then let it go. sometimes friendships end because their season is over. rejoice for what was and cherish the memories.

but the best that can happen is a friend discover who you truly are and then love you because of ... in spite of ... anyway. that is a friendship that will stand the test of time. that is an anam cara friendship. whether you have one anam cara friend or ten. those friendships are rare. those friendships we appreciate. those friendships are a sheltering tree. they are protection from the harsh elements of the world and they give you a place to rest. 

so when the world has dealt you a blow or you have been less than you are or you have suffered at the hands of life, seek out the friends who love you. they will be your sheltering tree. rest in the shade of their love and comfort. lean on them for support knowing you are safe and cared for. When you are are ready to return to the world, you will be able to venture out easily for you will know you have a sheltering tree you can return to  ... you have a friend.

good morning sISTA gIRLS

Good Morning sISTA gIRLS

It is a big, beautiful morning out there this day. I have awakened early for a change and can actually appreciate the early morning brisk air ... full of promise and possibility.

I know there are those of you out there in the world who are lonely or troubled. May we here at sISTA gIRLS Cafe be there for you. May we be your rock and your shoulder ... if not in person at least in spirit. 

But en I know that is not enough. You must find a way to be there for yourself. For those of you who are lonely, find a church or an organization that interests you and join. Be kind and friendly. Extend the hand of friendship to a fellow member. I am certain it will be received warmly and honestly. Or volunteer to help out somewhere, giving is always rewarded ... as is kindness. Moreover, you will have a good time. Nothing is more rewarding than helping another. It also helps to take your mind off your own problems.

For those of you who are troubled, remember ... we all go through things and even the happiest of people have down days. But, today is a perfect day to begin to heal yourself. Take a walk in the sunshine,let the wind caress your cheeks and play with your hair. Stretch your muscles and fill your lungs with the energy of the world around you. Walking is good for the body and spending time out in the sun is good for you spirit. It can be a real spirit lifter. 

As you walk, enjoy the scenery and say a quick thank you for all the sights you wish to experience ... couples in love, couples with children, those well dressed, those in great shape ... whatever it is. By appreciating others with what you have, you let the universe know what is in your heart so that it can bring your heart's desire to you. What we are grateful for we get more of.

Enjoy today having faith in the possibility of tomorrow. And know that we at the Cafe love you and have your back. We were here yesterday, are here today and we will be here tomorrow.  AND ... In The Meantime ...

May you be in a happy and loving friendship

That your heart might remain open

May your friendship fill you with the confidence to be you

That the light of your true nature might shine forth because of their acceptance of you

May acceptance remove all traces of shame from you, replacing that shame with the joy of self acceptance

That their acceptance might help you to allow others to reveal their true nature to you without shame

May your friendship be healing

That you might become a source of healing for others

May your friendship fill you with trust

That trust might allow you to express yourself openly and honestly to yourself and others

May you be filled with a light and loving heart

That your love might fill the air with beauty and kindness 

May you be happy

That your happiness might radiate from you to fill the world with sunshine

Me on Rumi on Love

I love my friends neither with my heart nor with my mind.
Just in case…
Heart might stop. Mind can forget.
I love them with my soul.
Soul never stops or forgets.

--Rumi--

Love this. So clear so specific but I have to admit I disagree with Rumi, as hard as it is to do so. It is not that I do not love my friends with my soul because I do. Rather it is that I love my friends also with my heart and mind despite their imperfections. I disagree with Rumi because his love is insufficient. The soul’s love, as expansive and amazing as it is, is just not enough.

I love my friends with my heart because my heart was made to love. That is simple and easy. I cannot help loving my friends with my heart … it is how I was made.

I also love my friends with my mind. As I think of my friends, as I perceive friendship; I feel the emotion of love. As a result of my thoughts and perceptions, I act towards my friends with love. The memories I have shared and created with my friends fill me with the emotion of love. The knowledge I have of friendship as applied to my friends fills my imagination with love.  My mind fills with thoughts of love and as a result, I reason that I love my friends.

But, as Rumi says, “Heart might stop. Mind can forget.” So, in addition to the love I feel for my friends with my mind and my heart, I love my friends with my soul. The soul is the essential part of me, the spirit of me, and the part of me that survives after death. In loving my friends with my soul, my love will continue long after my heart stops or my mind forgets. When I am old and dotty and can’t remember my name, when my heart is weak and needs help to function, I will still remember my friends in my spirit and I will love them. When my body gives out and my heart and mind stop, my love for my friends will still exist in them and in the energy that is love … and that love will transcend time. That is the essence of friendship … to love another with one’s heart and mind … and soul.

making friends -- jumping in

I ran into an old acquaintance today. I remember when we met. I thought she was very nice and we seemed to have a lot in common. She even lived right across the street from a family member. I thought it was a good fit. She was new to the neighborhood and asked if we could get together. I said absolutely. I thought it would be fun and I thought we could be friends. But as always happens with me, things got in the way and we never actually hooked up. So when we ran into each other today, we laughed and were very friendly but that spark of potential … of shared intimacy was gone.

 I felt a twinge of disappointment as we parted for what could have been or what might have been. We could have been friends. We could have been “come on over and let’s sit together and have tea “pals; Or better yet … “I’m barbequing, why don’t you stop by” friends. But we didn’t. She did invite me over once when she ran into me and I invited her out once because I ran into her. But that was a long time ago and that’s not the same as me dropping by to invite her out or her calling to invite me over just because. And that’s what friends do.

I can’t really blame her and I can’t really blame me. Life gets in the way. New friendships require more effort than older friendships or at least a different type of effort. The calling and visiting of an older friend is as natural as breathing. Newer friendships or the attempting to become friends takes patience, persistence and remembrance. It is not yet a natural experience. If it doesn’t happen when opportunity is knocking, sometimes it just never happens.

I must admit, sometimes when I see her, I am tempted to say “let’s meet and do lunch or dinner”. But it is years later. She may say no and not suggest we try another time. She may ask me “why” and I will feel uncomfortable. I am a coward. But, I know that fear is a choice and I can choose to ignore the emotion and opt for a better way. I can extend the hand of friendship.  Who know where the gesture can lead.

The next time I see her, I am going to push past the fear and invite her out. She may say no but she might say yes. Whatever she says, I will be proud of myself for taking the time and making the effort. I will release the past – not making the effort. I will not anticipate the future – that maybe she will say no. I will make the conscious choice to take a leap of loving faith by staying focused on the present –that I am content with this choice.

How many of you out there know someone you think you might want to be friends with? Next time you see him or her, extend the hand of friendship. Suggest coffee, or lunch, or drinks. She may belong to The Race That Knows Joseph. She may eventually become an Anam Cara friend. If so, you will have made a good choice. If not, at least you gave it your best effort and you have overcome a fear; which is something you should be proud of.

I am willing to give it a go. Let’s do it together. Okay sISTA gIRLS. It might be great!  U.O.E.N.O.!!!!  LOL!!!