second part of what you ache for

This is the follow-up to yesterday's post from my prior blog. more about what you ache for. i hope some of it resonates with you. please like, share or comment. your response and continued interest is truly appreciated.

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and, if you dream of meeting your heart's longing" (The Invitation)

As I continue to talk about "what I ache for" from The Invitation, let me reiterate that I ache to experience clarity of emotion so that I can: (1) be happy with who I am and what I do with my life, (2) experience deep, abiding, true love with my family, my friends and a man I can share my life with; and (3) share true, inner happiness and peace with those I love.

Though I do not have a lot of friends, I treasure the ones I have. We have been through good, bad and some very hard times and have managed to stick it out, together. When my husband was killed, my assigned counselor once told me he had never seen a group of friends as caring and kind to each other as my group of friends. I knew it to be true then and I know it to be true now. Times may change and our lives may change but not our love and caring for each other. I firmly believe, it is not the number of friends you have that makes the difference, it is the quality of friendships you keep. That is clarity of emotion.

As for a man in my life. Well, I had a great run with a wonderful man. When he was killed, I believed I would never love like that again. I no longer believe that. I know I have a lot of love to give. I am ready to share all of that with another. That is the longing of my heart. I am looking for a life partner, a soul mate. I want a man who -when he says my name leaves me breathless, when he looks at me I get weak in the knees, and when he kisses me, I tremble with desire. Some say I want it all. That may be, but when I find him, I will give my all to him. Trust, we will share a deep, abiding love that will make others want what we have. And, it will be good. That is clarity of emotion.

Finally, I ache to share true inner peace and happiness with those I love. Now, I know that no one lives in a constant state of peace or happiness. But I also know that I would rather be happy than unhappy. I would rather be at peace with myself and my life than not. I would rather be inwardly happy than in constant pain. I have been there. I believe we can live a life of true, inner happiness and peace. True, inner happiness acknowledges pain when it comes and learns from it; true inner peace then allows you to let the pain go. I want that type of happiness and peace inside of me. In my heart. In my soul. In my every day experiences. For those I love. That is clarity of emotion.

What is true, inner happiness? What is inner peace? I think it is inner satisfaction with the choices we make and how we live our life. It is the ability to look in the mirror without shame or embarrassment. It is having friends and family that matter to you; it is knowing that you matter to someone. It is having hope and faith in something real. It is having purpose in your life. It is having something that you are passionate about. One can be poor but be happy. One can be sick and yet be happy. One can even be alone and be happy. But one cannot be without friends, family, purpose, or someone to love or the love of someone and be happy. Trust, if one is alone and happy, that person knows that the alone-time is, for the most part, by choice.

Inner happiness exists when we are surrounded by things that make us happy and do things that make us smile. Inner happiness is not really a journey that we take, it is the road we take on the journey to where we are going; it is the road we took on our journey to where we are now. You can choose to be unhappy but why would you . Why would anyone willingly choose to be unhappy. I choose, every morning, when I wake up, and every night before I go to bed, to enjoy inner happiness.

Inner peace is the ability to sit in silence with yourself and find contentment. It is actually hearing the still, calm voice inside of you that says everything's going to be okay. It is knowing yourself and your life and accepting yourself and your life. We are none of us perfect but we are, most of us, doing the best we can. When we learn to love and accept ourselves as we are knowing we are actually giving life our best, that is inner peace. Accepting yourself, loving yourself ... it turns down the volume on the you that is constantly criticizing yourself and that allows more inner peace into your life. i choose every morning, when i wake up, to love myself more, to stop putting myself down and to find my inner peace.

Once again, take a moment and search your inner heart, that still small place within you that most of us avoid. Take a close look and ask yourself - what do I ache for? What do I long for? And once you know the answer, take the next step and ask yourself if you are taking the steps necessary for you to achieve what you long for, ache for, I did. I hope you will. Until next week and more of The Invitation, take care of you.

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. 

Henry David Thoreau

what do you ache for, part one

once again I am sharing a post from a prior blog. this post is on a section of the poem The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. I hope you like, share and comment. Thank you all and remember to take care of you.

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dream of meeting your heart's longing."
-- Oriah Mountain Dreamer --

This is so simple for me. I ache to experience clarity of emotion so that I can: (1) be happy with who I am and what I do with my life, (2) experience deep, abiding, true love with my family, my friends and a man I can share my life with; and (3) share true, inner happiness with those I love. I dream of meeting my heart's longing every day of my life, every chance I can- just for the fun of it.

As I have said in the past. I was a shadow of myself for many years. Then one day, without warning, I threw off my shell and ventured back into the real world. In doing so, I realized that, at least in a sense, I was beginning a whole, new phase of my life. With that realization, I chose to examine who I was and what I wanted. I knew I wanted to be my highest self, the best me I could be and so I began traveling this road of self-improvement. I began to really examine my life and my emotions. It was with a little anxiety and a modicum of trepidation that I searched my heart. I knew it would mean change and that is hard for me. I knew it would mean being honest with myself about myself and my emotions. Nevertheless, I dared to enter grounds that were previously uncharted. There, I discovered my heart's true longings and the thing that makes me ache - clarity of emotion.

Emotions are strange things. They can lie to us about the world and our place in it. They can deceive us and play tricks on our mind. If we do not take the time to get in touch with them, we can lose perspective, sometimes trusting them exclusively and often to our detriment. Emotions can also be based on false reality - things that are not necessarily true (although they may be true for us). Alternatively, if we close them up or ignore them, when we open them up again, they become one big mass of contradictions and confusion.

We question them, even when they are real, because we have forgotten how to trust them and when to trust them. So clarity of emotion is a good thing. It means our emotions have been examined, considered and put into proper perspective. For me, it means I am becoming more open with them; that I consider them, that I am beginning to know how and when to trust them. Clarity of emotion allows us to seek to experience the emotions that we need in our life and then to appreciate their reality when we finally experience them. For me, that is love of family, friends and a man I choose to share my life with.

Love of family, friends and a man has become more important to me as I have matured. Every day, when I pray, I say thank you for my family, I pray them joy, happiness, peace and the manifestation of their dream lives. I also thank God for their presence in my life and pray that we continue to grow together, that our familial bonds may be strengthened by love and kindness, gentleness and forgiveness. We have not always been close though we have always loved each other. I think it has taken time and maturity for us to appreciate all that each of us has been through and to accept each other, flawed and imperfect. I think we have all come to realize that love is the greatest gift we can give each other. I know I have! That is what comes of clarity of emotion.

That's it for this week. I will continue my thoughts on this part of The Invitation next week. In the meantime, examine your heart. What do you ache for? Are you taking steps to reach your heart's longing? Remember, this is the only life you have and this is the time to go for it! Take a chance and reach for your heart's longings. The worst is to wake up and realize you have wasted days on everything but what is important to You. So... GO FOR IT!

If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
-- Kurt Cobain --

rainy day musings

it has rained all weekend. as you know from prior posts...i love rain... and sooo...
I thought i would share with you an edited rain post from my prior blog. i hope you enjoy. pleases feel free to comment and share. in the meantime, enjoy your day ... rain or shine...

I was originally going to write about being virtuous. But that has flown from my mind. Instead, as I lay here alone in my king-size bed and listen to the rhythmic throbbing of rain against my window pane; as I open the window and feel the cool caress of the night's wind across my body...I remember just how much I love the rain. I remember all the things I love to do in the rain. I reminisce and it is good.

I think about the last time I, to use an old-fashioned term, frolicked in the rain. It was a hot, rainy day in August of last year. It was during a summer downpour. My daughter and I ran out of the house, into the rain in our lightweight, summer dresses, much to the chagrin of my mother. But we did not care. We jumped in puddles, splashed each other, got drenched and giggled in girlish delight. We had a great time.

Isn't it amazing, all the different things we can do in the rain. We can walk and talk in the rain, snuggle and hold hands in the rain. We can lay under mounds of blankets and watch old movies in the rain. We can sing and dance in the rain, eat fondue and stew in the rain. And we can have crazy sex or make gentle love in the rain. And how many of us actually take the time to think about the beauty of rain? It can be cold and chilling, cool and refreshing, or slick and warm. It can cause you to put on more clothes or totally disrobe. Rain is a great creation. It can destroy as easily as it can create. It helps young things to grow, just as living life to the fullest can help one to grow in many different and exciting ways. And just as too much or too little rain can inhibit progress, so can overindulgence or living life on the sidelines. One can cause illness, addictions or death. The other can cause dust to grow under your feet. When, finally, you get back out into the game of life, you may find that life has left you behind. However, I have also found that sometimes sitting on the sidelines and paying attention can reveal unbelievable insights. And that works because I can catch up. But, I digress...

Rainy days bring out my contemplative nature. My mind does not seem to be able to settle down, which makes it impossible to fall asleep. Usually I write. So, here I am sharing my thoughts with you. What is flowing through my mind now...poetry

A short verse on rainy day fairies

Rainy day fairies
Who carry the hope of tomorrow
Drop the future on me
and pray
that I am ready

A verse from a piece on rain

It is life sustaining
But not the essence of life
It can be cool and healing
Warm and soothing

And though it can be
continuous and damaging
It is a thing of beauty
A gift from above

Ah, rain and raindrops. But it is very, very late now and I have an early day tomorrow. So I must bid you adieu. But before I go, for the next week, take a moment each day, stop what you are doing, go outside and take in all the beauty that surrounds you: the weather, the people, the buildings and nature. All of that has been created by a Higher Power, from whom the foundation of all creation stems. That Higher Power created and continues to create just for you and me. And, as you are appreciating the beauty of creation, if it is raining and you are too embarrassed to splash in a puddle, catch a raindrop on your tongue. Then smile and know that, though life is not always easy, it is good. Oh, then go find someone special and kiss in the rain. Just because.

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby. 

Langston Hughes (writer 1902-1967)

how to have great relationships

Another post from my prior blog. this one is on having  great relationships. please feel free to comment and share...thank you.

Most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them.

The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you'd like to see "show up," not what part of another you can capture and hold.

-- Neale Donald Walsch --

I had the most interesting conversation the other day about a couple I know. They have been married twenty-one years. They have three children and seem as happy and in love today as they did over thirty years ago, when they first got together. My friend asked me if I knew how they managed to stay together so long and still appear happy. She said they really seemed to belong together. She asked if I knew how they did it. I couldn’t really answer her question. But it got me to thinking about this book I read a while back about relationships. It is by Neale Donald Walsh. He says “When our reason for relationships is aligned with our souls reason for being, not only are our relationships understood to be sacred, they are rendered joyful as well.

According to him, a great relationship is one of truth-telling. He says there are five levels 1) you tell the truth about yourself; 2) you tell the truth to yourself about another; 3) you tell the truth about another to yourself; and 4) when you tell the truth about another to that other; 5) you tell the truth to everyone about everything. He also says relationships fail because people enter into them for the wrong reasons. That the only way a relationship can work is for both parties "to agree, consciously, that the purpose of their relationship is to create an opportunity for growth, for full self-expression, for lifting each others lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea each has ever had about themselves, and for ultimate reunion with GOD through the communion of their two souls"

I found this last point to be so interesting, I asked a few people I knew what they thought of this passage Did they agree with Neale Donald Walsh as to how relationships can work. I must admit it was fifty-fifty, half agreed with him and half did not. But talking with my friend made me think of this passage again and so I thought I would put it out there.

What do you think? Take a minute. Do you agree that the only way a relationship can work is for both parties "to agree, consciously, that the purpose of their relationship is to create an opportunity for growth, for full self-expression, for lifting each others lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea each has ever had about themselves, and for ultimate reunion with GOD through the communion of their two souls"

What do you think?

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness."-- Neale Donald Walsch -- 

finding your safe haven

Another post from my prior blog. this one is about finding your safe haven through meditating or journeying within.

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.

-- Maya Angelou --

“Finding a sanctuary, a place apart from time, is not so different from finding a faith.” 

-- Pico Iyer --

I was hanging out with a friend this week talking, as we usually do, about her multiple illnesses. I have told her in the past and reminded her again on this day: some of her illnesses are due to her stressful lifestyle. But, hey, don’t we all have stressful lives. Anyway, she asked me to suggest a few ways to help relieve her stress; things that are quick, easy to do, easy to remember, and don’t take up space.

I suggested she try meditation. But, she said she has tried it many times but can’t. Could I instead suggest something I’ve done, that has worked? I suggested she try my inward journey and that we try it right then. She agreed. Here is how it works:

Find a comfortable place to sit (if not possible, sit where you can). Make sure your hands, arms, feet and legs are relaxed and not crossed. Close your eyes and take several deep breaths. When you breathe in, start from the bottom of your stomach and fill your entire body. When you breathe out, let it all flow out. As you get comfortable with the deep breaths, as you breathe out, imagine your stress leaving your body…out from your toes and your fingertips. And as you breathe in, imagine a white light filling you from the top of your head. When you are filled with white light and free of your stress, then breathe easy. It is time to take your journey.

Create in your mind the one place you would love to go if you could just disappear to your “safe haven” any time you felt. Imagine the sights and smells and sounds. Stay as long as you like. When you are finished, get up and stretch and go about the rest of your day, hopefully better than you were.

I know of someone who created a castle as her haven. She would sit on her throne, listen to beautiful music, and be catered to by gorgeous men and women. Another person created a cottage, in a meadow. Inside the cottage were a great big armchair, a library, lots of blankets and pillows for sitting, and a talking. My “safe haven” is a garden with a hammock, a lake, and a gazebo. The grass smells of herbs as you walk on it and beautiful music plays in the background.

When I tried this with my girlfriend, she said it definitely helped her feel better. The breathing exercises helped her release her stress. She also said when she saw her “safe haven “ she was an adult playing in her favorite spot as a child with her friends from years ago. She said it all felt good. She said she would definitely remember to do this whenever she was stressed. Please take this week and try this journey. I hope it helps you as much as it helped my girlfriend.

 “The whole of meditation practice can be "essentialized" into these 3 crucial points: Bring your mind home. Release. And relax!” 
-- Sogyal Rinpoche --

flowers and friendship

continuing to share posts from my prior blog. this one is about my love of flowers. sometimes i think it is where and why my appreciation of friendship grew. Friendship is like a flower. the more it receives love (water, sun, nourishment) the more it grows and the more beautiful it becomes. so it is with friendship. it's like they say...
...Just living is not enough... one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.
--Hans Christian Andersen --

You know, the last time we talked, I was in a funk. I have to tell you writing about it helped tremendously. So, I was going to write about writing, but, I felt soooo good, instead of taking myself to dinner, I bought myself a huge bouquet of lilacs. Why was that so special? I love flowers. I love their colors, their textures. I love their shapes and their sizes. I love the ones with a scent and the ones without. I just love flowers. So, this is about flowers and filling your life with beauty.

I often wonder why I have such an affinity, attraction for flowers. I think it is because surrounding myself with flowers (and plants) is like cultivating my own, personal garden. It is my own slice of sunshine, my own patch of happiness. And every time I look at them or water them, I am enhancing my happiness, my sunshine, my paradise. And every time I water them or spray them or feed them, I am nourishing my environment and they nourish me back. In a sense, I am loving that which loves me back.

So, I firmly believe surrounding yourself with things you find beautiful brings sunshine to your soul. My home, as you can imagine, is filled with photography and sculpture, and candles and paintings, music and books, comforters and plants and flowers, lots of flowers (hell, lots of most of these things). All of these things are, to me, beautiful. All of these things warm my heart when I look at or touch or smell them. They all truly bring sunshine to my soul.

Flowers are not only beautiful, they are fragile. But for all their fragility, they are sturdy. They start as seeds. They endure harsh weather conditions. They push through hard dirt seeking sun. They suffer through rains, storms, heavy winds and drought to face the world and then live a short life. Yet that life is one non-stop adventure. They turn their faces to the heavens and endure. They bring beauty and sweet fragrance into our lives. Yes, flowers are fragile things of beauty but they are also things of integrity. As Alexandra Stoddard said in her book, Choosing Happiness, “There is such tenderness in flowers …. (they) remind me how beautiful and fragile life is. Consider the supreme dignity of a single flower.”

So, surround yourself with the beauty of creation …. Surround yourself with the beauty of the creativity of “man" ... surround yourself with the things that bring beauty into your life and appreciate just how beautiful and fragile life is. Remember….bringing beauty into your life brings sunshine to your soul.

Flowers are the beauty of creation. Harken to what they have to teach. Share in the joy of their love.

Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature.

-- Gerard De Nerval --

On Gratitude

I am still sharing from my prior blog. This post is on The Secret and Gratitude. I hope you like it. Please comment and share if you feel so inclined. and again Thank you for being a part of sISTA gIRL cAFE...May We Stay Friends For Life

I watched The Secret, on DVD, about a year ago and one of the things that stood out as I read the book (and one or two others that followed) was the constant reference to taking time to say thank you. There have been periods in my life when things have seemed rather hopeless. In the past, before I lamented and complained, I would first say thanks for the things that were going right. Often, I would find so much to be thankful for, I would forget what I wanted to complain about.

The Secret recommends that you take time out each day to say thank you for all the things you are grateful for. When I started watching the DVD, I was at a low in my life. I figured I would give it a try, it could only help. So I gave it ago. Today I still try to find time each day to say thank you. I think it has helped me to realize all the things I do have, even on days when things truly seem bleak. I still sometimes complain after my thanks but more often now, I am filled with joy and happiness when I think of all my blessings.

So on this day, as we continue on our journey to a better us, let us take time each day to say thank you for all the blessings in our live. In this vein, I am thankful for my family and my friends. I am thankful for all the children, older people, men and women in my life. I am thankful for my dogs and my cat, my car and my home. I am thankful for heat, hot water, food and drink in my refrigerator, clothes and shoes in my closet, and the things of beauty in my home. I am thankful for all of my senses and my ability to walk and run, laugh and sing. And, while I am at it, I am thankful for fireworks, trees, flowers, sunny and rainy days, doctors, teachers, motivators .... I could go on endlessly. The point is, we all have so much to be grateful for, if we would just take a minute to say thank you, we might actually experience a glimpse of heaven in our lives.

"Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more."
--  Brother David Steindl-Rast (1926 - present) --

finishing discernment and relationships

Hope you are enjoying my posts from a prior blog that i was a part of. this is the last in the series on discernment. please feel free to comment and share. Thank you.

Now, last week we were discussing bringing peace into our lives? How does it happen? The books I have read suggest meditation. It is supposed to ground your spirit, put you more in tune with your body and your inner you and give you peace. I am working on that. I try to meditate as often as I can. I find it does keep me more grounded and in tune with the needs of my body and spirit. I find that I am more at peace when I practice meditation. It does work. The hardest part is just finding or rather carving out time to meditate.

There are people in my life who exude peace and serenity but their lives are in turmoil. When I ask them how this could be, they say they don’t let the turmoil around them touch them. They tell me to let go of the things that make me crazy, to let go of past issues that bring me down. I tell them it is not so easy. They say that is what makes it worth it. I am trying to do those things as well. It does work. It is also not easy...

I also know people who seem wired yet there lives are, for the most part, in order. They can’t explain why they always seem in turmoil, but I often sense that they don’t appreciate the balance in their lives. Frequently these people are never satisfied or are always complaining. I find that they let even the little things get to them. Trust, I don’t want what they have. It doesn't seem to work. I would rather be at peace in the midst of turmoil than be in turmoil in the midst of peace.

Finally, I also know of one person who says his life is in flux, who says he is seeking peace. It is sometimes hard to believe because there are times when he seems so serene it is almost palpable. But upon careful evaluation. I find he is not necessarily serene he is just tired. Now, tiredness can bring on peace. But that is not how we want to get peace in our lives. We want it to happen in a positive way and sometimes tired means depression, a state we don’t want to be in.

I think we have to realize that we are given opportunities to experience the things we most desire. We just don’t know how to go about capitalizing on those opportunities. I would suggest we look at our lives. Perhaps the things that are happening to us, that are frustrating us, are the very things that, if we let them, will help us to find what we seek. Perhaps my friend’s life, like most of our lives, is revolving in a manner that is really an opportunity for him (and us) to receive the peace he (we) seeks. I believe he (we) must pay attention to the moments and be discerning. Peace will come. That is the one thing you may not find by giving it to others.

So this week, do not let life get to you. Let go of the things that normally frustrate you. Refuse to be ruffled by things that normally make you crazy. Pay attention to the moments and opportunities for you to be at peace. Practice does make for perfect and eventually peace may be an automatic part of your life. If that is what you seek.


“Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy. You deserve delight.” Hannah Arendt (German-born American Philosopher and Political Scientist. 1906-1975)

more on discernment and relationships

More from my prior blog and more n discernment. I hope you are enjoying it.

don't curse the darkness...look for a light or a candle. can't find one...wait for your eyes to adjust. 

To follow up where I left off last week, I also had a conversation with a friend who said he ached to have peace in his life. When he started to talk, it became clear how important it was to him. It also became clear he was spending so much time wanting it, that wanting it had, in a sense, become for him a way of thinking, being, living.

Our conversation really bothered me and I got to thinking about all of us, the things we crave and the things we want. How do we get the things that we say we want in our lives?

I watched a movie recently that I thought I would dislike, but actually enjoyed and i learned something from it. Following is the movie's message. Basically, it said when we ask God/The Universe/the Ultimate Energy for something, it is not just magically given to us…instantly. Although, if we are honest, that is what we usually want and expect. Instead, we are given opportunities to receive the thing or things for which we have asked. Therefore, if we want love or joy or peace in our lives, we can’t just sit back and wait for it to miraculously happen. We must first believe we will receive the things we ask for; and then, we have to see the opportunities we are being given to receive the thing or things we desire. Last we have to act on those opportunities.

I want happiness, so I wake up each morning anticipating happiness. I make it a point to both enjoy my day and look for opportunities for happiness. Then, at the end of the day, I look back and say thank you for the moments of happiness I received and enjoyed. I truly believe most of us are given the opportunities to have the things we most desire but we just don’t see those opportunities.

It’s like looking for love and not realizing the person you should be with is right in front of you, because he or she has not come gift wrapped the way you expected. I think the answer to receiving the things we ask for is discernment. I think the answer is to appreciate each moment. By doing so we give ourselves the chance to see the opportunities God/The Universe/The Ultimate Energy is giving us to receive the things we most desire.

If you try this approach and do not begin to receive what you seek, try examining yourself. Are you holding yourself back from the things you most want out of fear? Are you your own worst enemy? When you have honestly answered those questions, take a step back and make a plan of action. There is no time like now to actively seek what you want. Oh ……. And trust …… if you don’t have what you seek, plant a seed. If you don’t have love, start by giving love to others; if you don’t have joy, start by bringing joy to others; if you don’t have happiness, start by making others happy. This works.

But how does this get you peace? That is a hard question. I am still working on this and will finish next week. In the meantime, spend this week bringing joy, happiness and love to the lives of others. Trust …. It will be returned tenfold and you will be glad you did.

“Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance - it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.”

 --Sarah Ban Breathnach...author, columnist, lecturer --

discernment and relationships

More of a week of sharing older blogs of mine

I have so much in my head and heart to share I am just not sure where to begin. So bear with me if I seem to ramble. That is not my intent. Also, this will be a “two-parter“, I hope it works for you. First, a friend implied that when you are friends with a writer/blogger, you take the chance of being part of their writings. I know that to be true and this is proof.

I am reading this book and am at the part where the author seems to be saying that we, as individual and collective egos, seem to need and thrive on competition and conflict. I am not sure I agree since I long for peace in my life. But I am double-minded. You see, I also agree because it seems that the closer I get to living the life I long for, the more strife seems to come with the package. It is almost as if the “devil” is aware and doing all he can to prevent me from getting to my small haven of peace and joy and happiness. However, I do not worry any longer - I have vowed to never give up...

My point, I find that there are people in life who are also where I am, either consciously or unconsciously. Where am I? I am here; I am taking what few steps I can to change that perception of the ego, or at least I am doing my part to be the real me, the me beneath my ego, my own little bit of awareness. What am I talking about? Today I had a conversation with someone (let’s call this person B) who, for years, I hated talking to because our conversations always left me angry. B always said something to irk, annoy or irritate me. But lately I have found our conversations to be a blessing. I would like to say B has really changed and that is why our conversations are so good. But I know that is only half the story. I have also changed. Together we have changed and so now, that change, has allowed us to be able to talk and share and love together. I am so grateful and blessed.

My point...B said something I thought was monumental. Not because it was so profound but because of its simplicity. It occurs to me that we sometimes miss things in life because we are expecting things to be monumental. Instead, it is something so simple we miss it. To simplify a long conversation, B said that she and her spouse were reading a transformation book together and sharing its lessons together. I thought, WOW! That is what I want. Someone I can share a book with that is supposed to be transforming. That way we may transform and grow together. I think relationships often fail because the two do not grow together, the two make no attempts to share all aspects of their lives, where possible, together. I will never forget what B said to me. And when I finally find the person I want to share my life with, I will do the best I can to ensure that it is someone I can share growing and transforming with so that neither of us leaves the other behind.

I think this is a moment of clarity of emotion. I think this is profound for me because it is the clarity of emotion I crave. Clearly God/the universe/the ultimate energy is giving me the opportunity to receive the thing I ask for and am working towards. I am just glad that I was actually being mindful, enjoying the moment, actually in the moment. I am just glad that this time I had the discernment to realize it.

This week, seek discernment in your life. This week check your relationships. Are you letting people you care about slip away because you are allowing yourself to grow apart from them. If that is not what you want, find ways to include them in your growth. Find ways to get them on the same page as you so that the two of you will be able to share the journey of self-growth (true, inner self-growth) together. And while you are doing so, be MINDFUL. ENJOY THE MOMENT!!! And until next time…Take care of you.

The supreme end of education is expert discernment in all things--the power to tell the good from the bad, the genuine from the counterfeit, and to prefer the good and the genuine to the bad and the counterfeit.”

Author unknown

why deny ourselves love?

Many years ago, I wrote for a blog. It was a short but fun stint in which i shared with others the spiritual journey I was on. I thought I would share some of the posts with you. Please feel free to share, like and COMMENT on anything that moves you. Feedback is always nice. Thanks.

This is about love. As I have said in the past, I was not going to write about love. It is not that I have anything against love. But, I wanted to write about my spiritual journey and I thought the two were separate. Quite the contrary. It seems to me that love is pretty much all we talk about. Even when we are not talking about love, we are talking about love….or sex (but that is another conversation left for another day).

Anyway, isn't love what most of our conversations are about, at least underneath. When we complain about how others treat us, we are really complaining that they don’t treat us with love. When we look at all the “isms” and prejudices that we experience aren't they all about someone denying us love. And when we are happy or joyful isn't it really because something positive has happened to us that opens up our hearts to love

Maybe I am over-simplifying things. My point really is, we are made from love, for love, to love. When we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience love, in all its forms, we deny ourselves our very essence. In point of fact, we deny our spirits, our souls, ourselves the ultimate nourishment. You know, scientists have discovered that babies will die or become emotionally dysfunctional if not given love and affection the first year of their lives. So too, we die or become emotionally scarred if we are not given love, if we do not experience love. The profundity of it is almost mind-blowing.

So my question - why would we want to deny ourselves love? ...

And so many of us do, either because of bad break ups or because of broken hearts. But love is a majestic feeling. And while it can cause us to descend to the lowest of lows, it can also lift our hearts and spirits. It can bring a glow to our faces, brighten a day and ease pain. The expression “friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief” is true because friendship is based on mutual love.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that love is perfect. It is not. Nor am I saying that all love lasts. We all know that love can end and sometimes it can end cruelly or bitterly. I recognize that sometimes the end of love can be soooo painful, can beat us up soooo badly, we never want to take a chance on love again. I just do not believe that is the answer.

That is really what I want to talk about. The immobilization that a bad end to loving can bring about. I have read many books and heard many say that we can control our emotions and that the emotions that others cause us to feel are their story and that, as such, we should be able to let go and move on with our own story. Deep inside, I know it is true - the people who break our hearts are not thinking about us or how we are feeling. Half the time, they don’t even realize that we are still lamenting that thing they said or did. So, if they can move on, we should move on. But to know it and then to believe it and act as if it true is each very different and very hard to do.

More importantly, you would think we would all want to let go of the negative effects of painful endings to love. You would think we would all want to just put them out of our minds - leaving space for the next good relationship. But we don’t. Letting go and moving on is like cleaning out the clothes in one’s closet. First, we have to make time to clean out the closet and there are always so many other things we would rather do. Then, we have to figure out what we are going to do with the things we decide to get ride of, which can be a hassle. Now, if we get past this stage and actually start to go through our closet, that is when the hard part begins. We keep things we no longer wear because we hate parting with things we have invested part of our selves in. We tell ourselves that either we are actually going to wear that one day because the style is going to come back or we are going to lose those extra pounds. In reality, it is just easier to keep what we have than deal with throwing things out. We forget getting rid of old means making space for new.

Similarly, we hold on to past relationships. They take up residence in our hearts and minds. Sometimes we believe they will come back. But, more often, we are just scared to venture back out into the world of dating and the possibility of loving again. That fear of falling in love and it failing rears its ugly head and prevents us from experiencing the wonder, beauty and happiness of love. We become cautious in spite of ourselves, because of ourselves.

I know, I know …. tell that to someone who is going through a break-up or a divorce. The pain and devastation left behind is like the work of a wrecking ball - all chaos and confusion and destruction with no hope of recovery. Yet, most of us do, eventually, learn to go on. We do eventually go on again. Granted we take with us the baggage that the ended relationship has left us with, but we move on.

What I want is for us (myself included) is to learn to let go of the baggage. At least some of it. This is one of my favorite things to do to let go and move on. Take some time and think about your relationship. Remember the good memories and take them and place them in your heart album. Then, take all the lessons you have learned and store them away in your brain to be pulled out as needed. Take what is left, grind it into grains of sand and blow it all away. It is not an easy task but with practice, it can work. What it does is allow you to let go of the negatives and keep only the positives.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

Mother Theresa of Calcutta (August 26, 1910 to September 5, 1997