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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

sharing friendship


i seem to say it more often lately. or maybe it is because there are not enough readers of this blog. we do not get comments. i would truly love to hear from those of you who take the time to read these posts.we, here, are truly grateful for your support and we thank you.

but please comment and share. comment on what you would love to see here or read here or what you think of what we have done so far. 

 .... today is a SHARE DAY. share with us!!!!
thank you
oh  .... and share us with others
after all ....
SHARING IS CARING

fyi .... this is one of my favorite pictures. we should all be willing to share the sweets in our life. maybe we would keep everyone as sweet as the treat we share. and then maybe those we shared with would share with others as well.  when we share a sweet treat we share love. so, if we kept it going, this would be a sweet as a treat sharing the love world .... and that would be AWESOME

.... i'm just sayin.....

Monday, July 29, 2013

friendship moments in the park



i love to walk through the park either early in the morning or just after the sun has set. i love to watch the birds frolicking in early morning dew or see the squirrels running from trees with treats. it keeps me grateful for nature and its beauty. i also love to see people walking and picnicking and playing together: couples, old and young; families, big and small; or friends, new and old. it keeps me believing and confident in in the beauty and strength of love and compassion.

i picked this picture because it reminded me of a time i went to the park for my walk and saw two images that have stayed with me. it was late summer and getting cooler. i saw a much older couple take a walk around the entire length of the park. she had on huge, dark sunglasses and walked with the aid of a cane. he had a bit of a hump and a slight stoop. they walked very slowly together, she leaning on him more than the cane and he holding her hand on his arm and guiding her along. as they walked, they leaned their whole bodies towards each other and laughed together. they seemed quite in tune with one another. they never misstepped, they never distanced themselves from each other. and though they laughed together, there was such a sense of peace around them, it was quite a blessing to watch. they seemed to radiate love and it was a pleasure to behold.

they came to the park often, the summer i saw them and each time, they gave my heart a jump start of faith in couples and love and growing older together. i don't get a chance to get to that park often anymore but i hope they are still there, still spreading peace and love through their interactions with each other. 

that same day i saw them, i also saw two girls laying on a blanket together. they had music playing, books around them, a bit of food and two bottles of water. they were giggling and whispering together, totally oblivious to the world around them. they were also at peace. a different kind of peace. they seemed content with who they were and what they were doing. at one point, the older couple passed them and i watched as the couple stopped and smiled at the girls and the girls giggled and smiled back and then continued to smile and point after the couple continued on their walk. they were not laughing at the couple but rather enjoying them. even they were affected by the grace and love of the elderly couple.

i though to myself ... the older and the younger generation; they get it even when we think they won't.
it also occurred to me that the couple probably lasted because they were friends as well as lovers.
moreover, if the girls wanted to remain friends for years to come, it would take more than just laughter. but that if they kept the ability to laugh always available to them, it would help. i was also  impressed that they were spending time together doing things together and separately. that is how friendship works. each respecting and appreciating the other and allowing each other to be wholly themselves.

so that is where i am today. remembering that even couples need to be friends if they are going to last. and friends need to be able to spend time together and to laugh if they are going to survive the hard times together. and finally, all friends need to remember and be grateful for all the good times together, so they can have many more.

hope you all had a good weekend. hope you had chances to laugh. hope you had moments to remember. hope you have many more ... especially with all your sISTA gIRLS!!!!!!!

Saturday, July 27, 2013

unexpected friendship tribute





well here we are again. its the weekend my friends.
how do you like to spend your weekends?

i generally spend saturdays sleeping in late ... hell i spend most days sleeping i late. a am a true night owl. then  i do errands. when the evening appears i grab a bite and when i get done i sit at my table and write. i used to spend my saturdays with my mom ( i used to spend everyday with my mom)and my daughter and my brother ( if he was around). i still spend my saturdays with my daughter and my brother. we get the house neater and cook a little.

on sundays i get up late (as usual), sometimes i go and praise my God and give thanks at church, sometimes i praise Him and give thanks at home ( i always praise Him and give thanks). i then spend .the day writing, listening to music, talking and laughing.

my sISTA gIRL often comes and spends the weekend with us. I am soooo glad she is in my life. she is like my right arm. i can't imagine life without her.

and she is patient and understanding. she comes to my house more than i go to hers. she rarely complains and never gets mad. we have gone through lots of good times and a lot of not-so-good times together. she is a good person ... a genuine marshmallow teddy bear. she believes in the good of man and the need to spread caring, kindness and compassion to others and does so. she visits people who are sick, comforts those who are sad, tries to give guidance to those who are bad and offers assistance to those in need. i am glad i know her.

i didn't plan this to be my post ... a thank you tribute to my sISTA gIRL ... but here it is. thank you gurl for being you, for being in my life and a part of my life. you are the best.

okay okay enough mushy stuff. dont leave me hanging out here ... all you sISTA gIRLS ... tell someone you love how you feel. spread the love .. it is contagious. and feels good.

peace

Friday, July 26, 2013

looking back at a past friendship



i don't want you to get the wrong impression. my friendships have not always been perfect. i have been hurt, brokenhearted, and betrayed. i am equally sure i have hurt others, broken hearts and betrayed trusts. i am not saying that with pride but i am being honest. i just want to acknowledge the imperfections of us all. if we are living and breathing, we are making mistakes. but we are also trying to be and do better. i can truly say that today, i am trying to be a better person; i am a better person. i do not betray trusts, i do not intentionally hurt others and i never set out to break anyone's heart.

being friends with someone is taking a chance. you take a chance that it will last; that you won't get your heart broken. you take a chance in sharing secrets - that your trust might be betrayed. but if it works, friendships can be a beautiful thing to share, a beautiful thing to behold. friendship is filled with magic and mystery; beauty and transformation. and, while you can choose to hide away and avoid real friendships so that you never have to worry about getting hurt, remember - even caterpillars emerge from their cocoons. if they did not, the world be deprived of  the beauty and delight of butterflies and caterpillars would miss out on the opportunity to fly with the wind and play in sweet smelling flowers.

i have taken chance with friendships. some have worked out better than others. but i am not sorry i tried. yesterday i ran into a neighbor-friend who asked about an old friend. she said she looked for this friend at my mom's funeral and was surprised that this friend was not there. she said she knew that we were not speaking but did not think it was at the level where she would not at least come and  pay her respects.

i laughed softly at my neighbor-friend's concern. she didn't know, didn't understand.she knew my old friend and i no longer spoke. but i guess she didn't realize my old friend had cut off all ties with me and i guess she didn't realize that my old friend had cut ties with our friends, our acquaintances, our everything and that i had been quite okay with that. she didn't realize this old friend had closed the door on anything that was part of our history and had branched out into a whole new life, becoming a whole new person. she didn't understand how a friendship like ours could end so abruptly and so permanently. but it could and it did.

was i sorry to see this friend go? no. our friendship had run its course and we both knew it. she was just the one to verbalize it. do i miss her? no. i am glad for what we had but we could never go back and i would never want to. had i expected to see her at my mom's funeral? no. in fact, i had not even thought to tell her; had not thought about her ... not in years. 

the end of our friendship was laced with hurt, cruel words and broken hearts. i wish her the best and am, as i said, glad for the memories of what we had, but i am also clear on who i am, what i don't want in my life and what i want from a friendship. i want the magic and mystery, i want the beauty and transformation. i don't want, hurt, heartache, betrayal or cruel words. i want the good stuff, the fun. in fact ... i want it all (all the wonderful, fabulous, loving, caring, connected, open good) ; i will give it my all. because i deserve this  ... and ... by the way ... so do you. 

Thursday, July 25, 2013

you loved me anyway



And I felt closer to you. Because you knew me so much better than I'd realized - and still loved me.” 


that is a great quote from Rosamund Lupton. we all find ourselves, at some point, surprised to discover how well our friends know us. we think we do such a good job at hiding our truest selves from everyone. but true friends pay attention. they begin to recognize tell signs. signs that show them when we are sad or hurt or in pain. happiness is easily recognizable. that is a face we do not mind showing the world. but betrayal,  embarrassment. failures, sadness. loss, pain; those are often hard to spot. we tend keep to those events, feelings and emotions to ourselves. we seem to fear the repercussions of showing the world anything other than success, confidence and happiness. but life is a balance. without the sad, how can we appreciate happiness; without betrayal, how can we appreciate loyalty; without failure how can we appreciate success. 

so it is with friendship. it is special when we show a friend who we truly are or we discover they know who we truly are. that is when our friendship is truly tested. now that they know the truth about us, what will they do? some people may walk away from us. they may not like who we are or they may not feel we are no longer compatible or they may feel threatened. there are many reasons why people walk away from friendships. when that happens we must search ourselves. if we were the fault, we must work on ourselves. if it was the result of circumstances beyond our power, accept that and then let it go. sometimes friendships end because their season is over. rejoice for what was and cherish the memories.

but the best that can happen is a friend discover who you truly are and then love you because of ... in spite of ... anyway. that is a friendship that will stand the test of time. that is an anam cara friendship. whether you have one anam cara friend or ten. those friendships are rare. those friendships we appreciate. those friendships are a sheltering tree. they are protection from the harsh elements of the world and they give you a place to rest. 

so when the world has dealt you a blow or you have been less than you are or you have suffered at the hands of life, seek out the friends who love you. they will be your sheltering tree. rest in the shade of their love and comfort. lean on them for support knowing you are safe and cared for. When you are are ready to return to the world, you will be able to venture out easily for you will know you have a sheltering tree you can return to  ... you have a friend.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

friendship ... spread the word



Good afternoon, good morning, good night ... aw heck ... Good day my friends, my sISTA gIRLS

i guess we have been at this for about three months now and it feels good to still be able to share my feelings and stories about friendship with all of you. i appreciate those of you who tune in regularly as well as those first timers  ... and everyone else who takes the time to read our friendship blog. i hope the things i write find a place in your heart.

please spread the word about the blog. not only will more people know about us but with enough people involved here, we can begin a dialogue together: you can share stories with me. you can ask questions of me. you can suggest things you would like me to talk about. perhaps we can even plan a meet and greet to extend our network of friends. anything is possible. the sky is the limit.

no friendship is one-sided that lasts and we want this to last. so comment, share, and spread the word

what is the word?

may we open our hearts to friendship
may we share the love it brings
may we speak of how our heart now sings
may we spread word of the joy it brings
may we be grateful for our friendship ring 
and may it last til eternity springs
for to last forever is no simple thing


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Some Rain Must Fall



i am a big fan of rain. I like to dance and play in it. i like to stroll in it. i have even been known to grill outside in it. i don't just enjoy rain; i feel the rain. i am present for rain and appreciate every drop that falls. i open my arms to feel the rain caress every part of me. i open mouth to catch as many drops as possible and laugh as the raindrops soak my body and nourish my soul.

it rained last night and i went outside as usual to enjoy the rain. but it was not the same. i could not stay outside. i felt like the bird in the picture, hiding behind the flowers. i went inside the protection of my house to observe the rain from a distance. today it is raining and once again  i will be observing it from the peace and comfort of my home.

it is raining in my heart and that rain has begun to fill me up so there is no room for the rain outside. i am, however, aware that this is a temporary state. the rain inside me will fill to overflow and i will let it overflow. as it flows from me, i will begin to replace the rain with sunshine and moonlight. when i am filled with sunshine and moonlight, the overflow will spread to others and i will once again be able to play in the rain. 

how do i know this? i believe. not only does rain fall outside in the world, it falls in our lives. but it does not last. the sun will shine again and the moon will, once again, light our path at night. cycles come and go. we live them and learn from them. but mostly, we just go on. into my life some rain has fallen. but i will go on.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote the poem The Rainy Day. in it, he writes" Into each life some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary." i have put my own spin on this. forgive my inadequacy in comparison.

Listen sad heart! As you are repining;
Behind your clouds the sun’s still shining;

Your fate is the common fate of all,

Into each life some rain must fall,



But with supportive friends by your side
Your pain and heartache will soon subside
Your days will no longer be so dreary
Your heart will no longer be so weary

The darkness will fade into the sun’s light
And you, I promise, will be alright
So though some days will be dark and dreary
In time life will once again be quite cheery

Monday, July 22, 2013

I Will Hold On To The Hurt A While




please  bear with me as i navigate through this new phase of my life. it is true i saw it coming but we are never as prepared as we think we are or as we should be. while i am on this journey, i will share some of it with you ... my sISTA gIRLS. mayhaps it will help you as writing about it helps me. if not ... i apologize.

today i would like to share with you a part of a piece i have written. it is in part thanks to a friend and as this blog is for friendship, i thought it would be appropriate. i hope you enjoy it in the vein it was written

I Will Hold On To The Hurt A While

...
Yesterday
My friend took me away from the silence
For a while.
She brought me out into the world …
A world I had seen so very little of lately.
It was fun to people watch
To eat good food
Enjoy a new cocktail or two
But in the back of my mind
In the center of my stomach
Were old habits designed around you.
And yet … you were gone.
Sometimes you residing in my heart
 Is just not enough …


the pain and loss you experience upon the death of a loved one  ... be it family or friend ...is often 'unexplainable'. it is a journey that can only be understand by those who are travelling or have travelled it. if you are present with one who is on the journey, you are able to understand what you witness but the emotions that exist in the mind and heart are often so subtle and so frequently changing that they are hard to capture and hold in your hand. so watching is insufficient and to enter the heart or mind of another impossible. but for the friends who attempt to understand i say THANK YOU. we need you by our side ... to hold our hand when we are drowning, to keep us from going under. we need you to help us adjust our wings when we are ready to fly again. we need your shoulders to lean on, your ears to listen and your heart to understand when we are broken open. to all those going through something i say keep going ... you will get to the other side. for all friends watching i say, thank you

you know what they say ... when the going gets tougher ... so do we

until next time ... take care of you!!!!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

breathe

i think i am back ...

It is ironic that a little over a week ago I was speaking of going thru the valley of dust with the expectation of emerging on the other side. Just a day later my mom passed. No matter how a loved one suffers, it is hard to let go and say good-bye. Even if we believe the body just houses the soul, it is still hard to let go of that body … after all … we have grown to also love the body that houses the soul we love. We let go of the soul because we know it loves on but the body does not. It gets locked up and sealed away from us, never to be seen again. It is a necessary thing, but it is still hard to endure.

The thing I heard that was said by a friend at my mother’s viewing that truly touched me … “now I truly understand what it means to rest in peace” ... said because when you looked at my mom, you saw a frail, delicate woman whose face was marred by lines of agony and sunken in from the constant pain she suffered. Yet as she reposed in her casket, her face was soft, full and line-free. There was a smile on her face and she seemed to glow. Indeed her body was as at peace, as is her soul.

I am okay for now, sad that she is not literally here, but glad that she is not suffering.  I spent the last few years constantly at her side and so will miss her terribly. But I will go on … for me, for her, for my daughter. I will do it with the support of family, extended family and friends. I feel blessed to have had my mom as my mom for as long as I had her and I feel blessed to be surrounded and supported by family and friends. Anam Cara people in your life are indeed a blessing and a joy and I say thank you every day for their presence in mine.

I read a quote yesterday that inspired me to write out how I want to get through this period of my life. I would like to share it with you …

I will remember to breathe. I will remember that I have been through this before and survived. I will keep in mind that I will get through this and be okay. There will be moments when I am sad, anxious, scared, perhaps even unwilling to continue on. There will be moments when I feel life has beaten me down. But I have survived this … I can survive this. I will remember these feelings do not last, cannot break me. Moments of loss can be painful and debilitating but “joy will come in the morning”. How will I get through these moments? I will sit with them, face them, acknowledge them and let my being present with them allow them to ebb away. I will get through these moments knowing a turnaround will come. When the turnaround will come, I cannot say. But it will come.

 In the meantime,

My cup may be full but I will keep on breathing.
 I will fight the good fight as I keep on breathing.
 Letting hope be my guide as I get through tomorrow
I will keep on breathing till I surface on the other side
Keep on breathing…  one breath at a time

Friday, July 12, 2013

taking a pause


Good morning sISTA gIRLS

We here at the Cafe wanted to take a minute to apologize to all of you. We have been lax of late ... we have not posted lately. But we have a good reason. After a long, hard fight, our  mom has departed this earth for her heavenly home. As we are sure most of you know... there is a lot to do. There is still the wake and funeral to get through. We did not want you to think we had abandoned the blog or were on vacation or sick or anything like that.We have just been so busy, we have been unable to get a minute to write. Give
us a minute and we will be back to our regular postings. But for now we will be handling things so that we can give our mom the send off she deserves.

In the meantime, take care of you ... keep doing the damn thing ... stop by and visit ... stay awhile while having a cup of coffee or tea or a real drink ... and share and leave comments. 

We are grateful for all of you and look forward to visiting with you and sharing with you again ... very soon

in the meantime ...
may you be filled with loving kindness
may you be well in mind, body, spirit, heart and soul
may you be safe from inner and outer dangers
you be truly happy and free
may you be truly wild, succulent women
and may you have anam caras in your life forever

Monday, July 8, 2013

the valley



I am glad that there is love in the world and that there are compassionate people in the world. when we go through valleys of dust, it is nice to know there are people willing to travel through the dust to bring you water, people willing to stand on the other side of the valley and wait for you to emerge so they can provide you with food and clothing. Best, there are people willing to find you in the valley and, if you are not ready or unable to emerge, willingly abide with you so that do not have to go through the valley alone.

when life takes you to the valley
filled with nothing but
bones and stones and dust

when the sun rides high in a
pastel blue sky
and the heat beats
hard upon your brow

may a friend track you,
following your footsteps
til she finds you

may she bring
coolness to dry your brow
water to quench your thirst
food to satisfy your body

may she bring an ear for your troubles
a shoulder for you to lean on
a smile to heal your soul

may you walk strong through the valley together
may you find moments to dance
and opportunities to laugh

may you ... together
keep your footing and fight through storms
combat the heat and avoid cutting stones

may you weather it all, persevere 'til the end
and emerge from the valley
victorious with your friend







Friday, July 5, 2013

happy holidays



Hope you all had a really nice fourth of July - good food, nice bar-b-que, beautiful fireworks, fun with friends.

We here are still dealing with our issues and spent our fourth taking care of family together. the fact that we are together going through this is a true sign of our friendship.

I really don't have much to share with you at the moment. Just trying to keep it together. In the meantime ... check out all of the other posts - they are full of laughter, prayers, blessings, suggestions and advice. And, if you get a chance ... share, like and comment. Thanks sISTA gIRLS. We are always sending you much love!!!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

childhood friends


Yesterday I spoke to my oldest friend .  I love her dearly. We have known each other since we were in diapers. We have been through a lot together and it is always good to talk with her. When we talk it is as though time has stood still. For just that moment, I am young again sharing good conversation with her on her front steps or up in my bedroom.  

When we talked yesterday, we did something we seem to do more and more often lately.We reminisced. I really enjoy it. I love remembering the things we did as well as who we were many, many years ago. We are very different people and yet a lot of who we are has remained the same.


I hope you have a friend you have known forever. Someone you grew up with. Someone who knows your family history. Someone you have great memories with.  I do. We had pillow fights, food fights, shaving cream vs whipped cream fights. She threw water on me to wake me up and I forced her to get up at the crack of dawn to go running. We snuck into porno films to see what the big deal was and tried Sushi for the first time together. We slept over each other's house and shared our first bottle of imported champagne together.

We dreamed of our weddings and our children and our future together. We shared our dream jobs, dream homes, and dream men with each other. We laughed, shared, cried, dated, broke up, married, divorced, widowed, and had children together. We have lived our lives together ... always ... even when she moved away and we stopped seeing each other almost daily. That is true blue, true gold friendship. I am glad she was my friend growing up and I am glad we are still friends. She knows who I was and how I have changed. There are things that have happened in my life that she was there for and I don't have to explain. She can often read my thoughts and sometimes she even says what I am thinking before I do. She is my friend and I love her.

We all need an old friend. Someone we have known all our lives. They are a mirror to our past; a barometer to our future. All of you out there with friends you have known for years, cherish them and ... the next time you see them, give them a hug. They have earned it ... and so have you

til next time... take care of you

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

a friendship story



Paulo Coehlo is a Brazilian lyricist and novelist. He is one of the most widely read authors in the world today and has written over thirty books. The Alchemist," easily his most successful story, is a story about a young shepherd who follows his spiritual journey to the Egyptian pyramids in search of a treasure. Most readers consider his books inspiring and life changing. 

My daughter read The Alchemist some years ago. She enjoyed the book so much she has gone on to read several others by him and has been at me to read some of his works. But for some reason I have never been interested in reading a book by him. But, he is popular and I like spiritual books. I have finally gave in and decided to read one of his books. While trying to decide which of his books I would read first, I came across his blog and this friendship story. I liked it and thought I would share it with you. I hope you like it as well.

Friendship

by Paulo Coehlo

Once upon a time there was a poor but very brave man called Ali. He worked for Ammar, a rich old merchant.
One winter’s night Ammar said: “nobody can spend a night like this on top of the mountain without a blanket or food. But you need money, and if you can manage to do that you will receive a great reward. If you don’t, you will work for thirty days without pay”.
Ali answered: “tomorrow I shall do this test”.
But when he left the shop, he saw that a really icy wind was blowing and became scared, so he decided to ask his best friend, Aydi, if it was crazy of him to accept that bet.
After reflecting a while, Aydi answered: “I shall help you. Tomorrow, when you are at the top of the mountain, look ahead. I will be on the top of the mountain next to yours, where I will spend the whole night with a bonfire lit for you. You look at the fire and think about our friendship – that will keep you warm. You will manage, and later on I shall ask you something in return.”
Ali won the test, got the money, and went to his friend’s house: “You told me you wanted some payment.”
Aydi answered: ”Yes, but it isn't money. Promise that if at any time a cold wind passes through my life, you will light the fire of friendship for me.”

Monday, July 1, 2013

an even bigger thank you


We all go through things in this world. Some good and some bad.. Some things we share with every body. Some things we share with only a select few and some things we keep to ourselves. I am going through a lot lately. one of my family members is very sick, one of my family members is not doing right by anybody and my cat has cancer. Every day is a new day and often an unexpected adventure. 

Yesterday was a bit much for me and I needed an escape from my reality. I sought out my sISTA gIRL for a brief respite. She let me shed a few tears, listened to my tale of woe and then took me out. We went to a lovely, peaceful area. It was full of wide expanses of green grass, beautiful verdant trees and blossoming trees. Ii also smelled like serenity - soft and gently sweet. Then she took me to church. It was a short, easy service with not a lot of people. It was quiet and tranquil and uplifting. The she took me to eat. We had salad and shellfish and wine and we laughed and talked together without looking at the time or our cellphones.She satisfied my heart, my soul, and my  belly. The time she spent with me lifted my spirits and gave me a chance to re-balance so I could go back to my reality.

I know I have said this before but friends are a blessing from above. they share your joys and your griefs, your up and your downs, your good times and your bad. They are a source of laughter and comfort. My friends have been a source of strength for me and I am grateful for them. I am proud to be their friend and to call them mine. We are happy to be establishing a friendship with you who read our blog and I am truly happy to share my stories and posts with you.

Today ... listen, lend an ear, spend some time together, enjoy each other ... basically do what I know you can do so well ... be a friend.

a great big thank you


Just wanted to take a minute to apologize and say thank you. We want to apologize for not getting a new post out the last two days and We want to thank you for your patience. There are a lot of things going on in our lives right now that sometimes makes writing a post hard or impossible. Please bear with us for a while. There may be a day or two when we can't get a post out. But it will not last ... this we can guarantee. In the meantime, please keep logging in to us, please spread the word about this blog and please share this blog with others . We're hoping to do big things in the name of sISTA gIRLS.