welcoming new friends...thanking established friends

LET'S SHARE THIS FRIENDSHIP!!!!

First we would like to say thank you to those friends who have been with us since we started. we appreciate you hanging in there with us. that really is what friendship is all about...isn't it.

While it is true … we have been writing this blog for a while now … we have yet to get a comment from anyone who has read any of the posts. we would love to hear from you. If you have an opinion, a suggestion or a topic you would like us to talk about … please let us know. or if you have any questions, feel free to ask away. this blog is not just about me and friendships … it is about you and friendships. it is about us!!!

So like us, comment, ask questions and ... share … share … SHARE!!!! Cause today it is all about YOU!!!!!!!

the seeds of friendship

“I will be generous with my love today. I will sprinkle compliments and uplifting words everywhere I go. I will do this knowing that my words are like seeds and when they fall on fertile soil, a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater.” 
-- Steve Maraboli –

I love this quote … but I was thinking … perhaps it should say …

“I will make a friend today” instead of “I will be generous with my love …” because making a friend is being generous with love.

Making a friend is a rewarding experience. But it is a choice and does require work.

It is not arrogance that says I am being generous. It is honesty.  Friendships are indeed like seeds. After being planted, if you want them to thrive and flourish, they must be nurtured. They must be planted in the right soil.They need lots of sun, sufficient amounts of water and a bit of fertilizer. Not enough of these ingredients and they die from lack of sufficient supplies. Too much of these supplies and they die from excessive indulgence. So it is with friendship. it must be cultivated and cared for. To thrive friendship needs fun, sufficient amounts of honesty and trust and the right amount of time together. It is a fine balance we walk between not enough and too much. 

Similarly, when YOU choose to try to become friends with me (another person), you are being generous with your love. It is a choice that can be quite rewarding.

So, today let’s all be generous with our love … let’s go make a friend. 

Oh ... and share some of this love ... spread the word about the blog and about our FB page so we too can make new friends (while keeping the ones we already have, of course). 

Much love to all of you ... and ... have a great day!!!!!!

the rough side and friends

When my daughter was very young, we experienced a major tragedy. She dealt with it by burying herself in books. My friends and I dealt with it by playing music, lots of music. At that time, we played a lot of gospel music. My daughter’s favorite song, back then, was "I’m Going up the Rough Side of the Mountain".

One day I asked her why she liked the song so much. She said that the people who go up the rough side of the mountain are really lucky. They have rocks and things to hold on to   and to put their feet on and those rocks and things allow the climbers to get to the top. But, those going up the smooth side will never get to the top because the smooth side has nothing to hold on to and nowhere to put your feet. All those people will do is slide back down to the bottom. She said those who go up the rough side of the mountain are supposed to go over to the smooth side of the mountain to help up those who can’t get up there on their own.

What is that expression …“Out of the mouths of babes”?

So on this first Tuesday of Autumn, may this be your moment of meditation …

Today let us befriend at least one of those going up the smooth side of the mountain.

Today let us reach down to help a fellow climber up the smooth side of the mountain to the mountaintop.

Today, if we are the one going up the smooth side, let us be “friended” by a fellow climber at the top.

Let us …then … enjoy the kindness of a friend who will help us to the mountaintop.

Let us all be grateful for the journey and the blessings along the way

Let us be grateful for the rough side of the mountain and the opportunity to make it to the top.

Let us all be grateful for friends

share* comment* read more* come again

Extending The Hand of Friendship

I ran into an old acquaintance today and it made me think of when we met.it was several years ago, at a friend's place of business. I thought she was very nice and we seemed to have a lot in common. She even lived right across the street from a family member. which meant easy access. I thought it was a good fit. She was new to the neighborhood and asked if we could get together. I said absolutely. I thought it would be fun and I thought we could be friends. But as always happens with me, things got in the way and we never actually hooked up. So when we ran into each other today, we laughed and were very friendly but that spark of potential … of shared intimacy was gone.

 I must admit, as we parted, I felt a twinge of disappointment for what could have been or what might have been. We could have been friends. We could have been “come on over and let’s sit together and have tea “pals; Or better yet … “I’m barbequing, why don’t you stop by” friends.Or even, "Hey, let's do lunch" friends. But we never did. She did invite me over once when she ran into me and I did invite her out once because I ran into her. But that was a long time ago, neither ever happened, and that’s not the same as me dropping by to invite her out or her calling to invite me over just because. And that’s what friends do.

I can’t really blame her and I can’t really blame myself. Life gets in the way. New friendships require more effort than older friendships or at least a different type of effort. The calling and visiting of an older friend is as natural as breathing. Newer friendships or the attempting to become friends takes patience, persistence and remembrance. It is not yet a natural experience. If it doesn't happen when opportunity is knocking, sometimes it just never happens.

I must admit, sometimes when I see her, I am tempted to say “let’s meet and do lunch or dinner”. But it is years later. She may say no and not suggest we try another time. She may ask me “why” and I will feel uncomfortable. She might say yes and we discover we are not compatible. In the end, I am a coward when it comes to making friends....especially at this late stage in the game. But, I know that fear is a choice and I can choose to ignore the emotion and opt for a better way. I can extend the hand of friendship.  Who knows where the gesture might lead.

The next time I see her, I am going to push past the fear and invite her out. She may say no but she might say yes. Whatever she says, I will be proud of myself for taking the time and making the effort. I will release the past – not making the effort. I will not anticipate the future – that maybe she will say no or that it will be terrible. I will make the conscious choice to take a leap of loving faith by staying focused on the present –that I am content with this choice.

How many of you out there know someone you think you might want to be friends with? Next time you see him or her, extend the hand of friendship. Suggest coffee, or lunch, or drinks. She may belong to The Race That Knows Joseph. She may eventually become an Anam Cara friend. If so, you will have made a good choice. If not, at least you gave it your best effort and you have overcome a fear; which is something you should be proud of.

I am willing to give it a go. Let’s do it together. Okay sISTA gIRLS. It might be great!

the effect of distance on friendship

A few years ago, i worked in the service industry helping out a friend. While there, I met this really cool lady. We clicked almost immediately. As we got to know each other, I discovered she belonged to the Race of Joseph and as we continued to spend time, our relationship became an Anam Cara friendship. Then the inevitable happened. She moved back home. Her home is hours away. I was sorry to see her go, happy for her to be back with her family. I was also concerned about our friendship. I am not a big caller. It is my weakness. I warned her but agreed to make the effort to keep in touch. We agreed to talk once a week and we did at first. But life got in the way and what happened, we stopped calling each other. Probably more me than her ... but either way, we stopped calling.

But distance does not really affect true friendships. When I eventually call my friend or she calls me, we pick up our conversation right where we left off. It is as if time has stood still for us while we were living our separate lives. There are no awkward moments, no hesitations. We share our lives and our goals and dreams as if we were sitting across from each other at our favorite bakery having dessert and tea. I think it is because we share a mutual admiration and affection for one another. I think it is because we know each other cares and that the feeling is genuine. I think it is because we love and respect each other and each others lives. I think it is because we are true Anam Cara friends. Those type of friendships are special and while they should not be taken for granted or taken lightly, they do "take a lickin and keep on tickin".

So this post is dedicated to my long distance Anam Cara friend from The Race of Joseph. She is my friend, my sISTA gIRL and she will always have my heart. And...speaking of her, I am going to call her this weekend and catch up. By the way... I know you guys have long distance friendships as well... call one and catch up this weekend or better yet...call today. 

But while you are here.... comment or/and share. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOREEN

Today is the birthday of Noreen. she is one of the admins here and on sISTA gIRLS cAFE. please join me in wishing her a very merry

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY  

and a year full of 

PROSPERITY, GOOD HEALTH, PEACE. LOVE  and  LAUGHTER.

she has been my friend for years and i am blessed to have her in my life. this blog and our facebook page was her idea. it is a way for people to share their friendships.  we are thankful for all the friends we have made and i am glad we have embarked on this adventure together. it has indeed doubled our joy.

so from all of us to Noreen ... we raise our glasses to you and say...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

sISTA gIRL friends

Lately has been one of those crazy times where..either one of us can't post because of computer glitches or we have had to deal with sadness or we are just overloaded with being busy. it often means we don't get a chance to post or we post late. But, here at Sista Girls Cafe, we enjoy sharing with you and we hope that you enjoy what we have to say. Friendships are a cornerstone of life and we are glad to have a chance to share thoughts on friendship with you and possibly make new friends. We encourage you, if you enjoy this blog, to spread the word so that others can read and comment and share with us. 

Don't forget to like, comment, and share our page on FB at  https://www.facebook.com/FriendsForLifeSisterGirls?ref=hl

A dialogue between us...here and on FB,  would be great. please comment. Anyway, today is all about you ... my sISTA gIRLS. and in honor of all of us...here is a little poem...

My sista girls

Will always be around

My sista girls

Never put me down

My sista girls

I can trust you

My sista girls

I know you always be true

My sista girls

You are the best

My sista girls

You’re above all the rest

My sista girls

In you I confide

My sista girls

In my heart you abide

My sista girls

Together to the end

My sista girls

My best friends

sISTA gIRLS ... We love you and are glad to be sharing our journey through this life wth you

what else is friendship

A friend is defined as a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. So friendship is when two people know each other well, and like and trust each other. For me, friendship is a relationship between two people that demands time and effort and requires empathy, honesty and putting aside your pride. It provides support and comfort in good times and bad and it keeps you happy.

            Friendship is more than just being happy together or sharing in good times. Sometimes one of you may say or do something hurtful to the other. In a good friendship; you face the problem together, work out a solution together and forgive and let go. In a good friendship, you protect, love, and accept each other, you don’t judge each other. You may argue with each other from time to time, but you come together again. In a good friendship all this works because a good friendship is also about surviving bad times together.

            What else is friendship? It is having a person in your life you can trust completely. It is realizing that someone else wants the best for you. It is being together without needing to pretend. It is having someone you can call at any time knowing they will be happy to hear from you. It is sharing your grief and your happiness with another. It is helping solve each other’s problems. It is sharing your dreams, hopes, and secrets together. It is helping out and expecting nothing in return. It is having fun through everyday life together. It is finding time for each other. It is being so in tune with each other, you know each other feelings and understand the why of them; and you can finish each other’s sentences and thoughts.

A true friendship, a good friendship; is an enjoyable relationship that makes all involved in it happy and ... without one in your life; it is a lot harder to maintain. A true friendship fills your heart, your spirit and your soul. It is a gift you choose to give yourself knowing it will keep on giving as you keep on giving. And that is good.

my soul remembers friendship

I really enjoy reading the works of Rumi. I think he is a brilliant soul with a deeply compassionate and loving heart. he says the soul is the best memory. I have written on it in the past. I agree that the soul's memory is the best and the ultimate but i still believe my heart and my mind play a major part in who and why and how I love. they all work together.This poem is in honor of our souls and the friends we love, with our heart, mind, soul and spirit. HERE'S TO FRIENDSHIPS and sISTA gIRLS. LONG MAY WE LOVE

My soul remembers what my heart has forgot

My soul remembers what the mind cannot

My soul is there when the body dies

My soul remains ‘cause my spirit’s wise

My friendship’s true … My mind reasons so

My friend is you … my heart feels love’s flow

My friend ... our friendship fills my heart and mind

And my soul says that we … my friend … are one of a kind

So my soul remembers you when my heart’s forgot

My soul remembers you when my mind cannot

My soul remembers you when my body dies

Because my spirit loves you and my spirit is wise

remembering 9/11 friends

sISTA gIRLS ...

today, as we remember 9/11, we just wanted to take this time to say thank you to all the men and women who lost their lives and those who  gave their lives that day. They were each family and friend to someone. we also want to say thank you to those who suffered the loss of those same people. As women who have had both family members and friends in the armed forces fall at the hands of others and as women who lost someone that tragic day, we also want to extend our love and support to you.

We understand the pain of this type of loss; unexpected and devastating. we understand not being able to say good-bye. those who died are heroes and while there is deep pride in how they lost their lives and true honour in them giving up their lives for a higher cause, it is still hard to go on each day, still hard to live without them in our lives, still hard to let days like today go by without thinking of them. it is still hard to remember all that we shared together and to realize all they have missed since their death.

so...to the survivors we say thank you and we support you.These two phrases may be spoken a lot today...yet they are filled with the utmost sincerity. 

and to all our friends ... old ones, new ones and ones we have yet to meet, We extend these heartfelt words to you. May this day find you standing tall, holding on and moving forward.

sISTA gIRLS ...indeed ... WE SALUTE YOU!!!

true friendships and trust

There are many different kinds of friendships, but the best are mutual relationships… mutual friendships. A mutual relationship … or friendship is a true friendship. A true friendship requires some work to maintain but is truly worth having. In a true friendship you have a friend you can trust and rely on and who can trust and rely on you.

A true friendship is a relationship of sympathy, empathy, kindness, compassion, laughter, honesty, respect and caring. True friends allow each other to share their thoughts and feelings, honestly and openly, without judgment or shame. Once this happens and all of these qualities have been opened and released into your relationship, a bond is formed and with continued work that bond can deepen into trust and then love.

Trust is a key element to a healthy, true friendship. Without trust, a friendship is only superficial and while superficial may work for the beginnings of a friendship … when you both are testing the waters, it cannot work if you want the relationship to last. I have a relative who does not believe in friendship. She thinks that family is everything. While I agree that family is important, I also know that there is a place in our lives for friendship. That is even more important for those who do not have a family or who do not have a good relationship with their family. Friends make a difference in your life and should not be discounted. But it depends on trust. If you cannot allow yourself the opportunity to trust someone, you cannot have or be a lasting and true friend.

Friends are the people you can turn to; they help you to grow as a person, they help you to realize the best that you are and can be, they pick you up when you are down and make your joys bigger and brighter. Friends share your secrets and your hopes and dreams. But this can only happen with trust. Trust is the backbone of friendship ... of having a friend. And once you have a friend, you have the world in your hand.

what i really learned about friendship in high school

I was thinking about what to write the other day and I remembered this girl I went to high school with. She blew through a bunch of us girls like wind on a wintry day and then one day we looked up and she was gone leaving a path of destruction like I had never seen before and have not seen often since.

She started with the oldest of us and ticked us off one by one, pitting us against one another, challenging our friendship with each other. I was the youngest of the group. When it was my turn, I was unprepared for her special brand of magnetism and attraction. I fell and I fell hard.

She was tall and slim. She had a head full of jet black hair, wore huge, black rimmed glasses and talked a mile a minute. She laughed a lot, had a smile that lit a room, and leaned her head in real close when she had something to tell you and looked you right in the eye when you were sharing something with her. She made you feel special and everyone wanted to be friends with her. At least in the beginning.

I still remember the day she decided she wanted to be my friend. She sought me out in the cafeteria and sat next to me, pulling her chair close to mine. She said she had been trying for a while to be friends with me but I was so popular she thought I would not want her for a friend. She was smooth and while her statement was not true, it sure made me feel good. I knew who she was. I knew all the people she had been friends with and since I did not know how those had ended (until later), I was honored she wanted to talk to me.

It lasted a week. We walked to classes together, sat together at lunch and talked on the telephone at home. She made me feel special. She said she had never had a friend like me, she only wanted me and we would be best friends forever. I was super happy and forgot all about my other friends … all for her. And it was wonderful. We were best friends forever … well … for one week … my week. And then she moved on.

My friends saw us together and tried to warn me about her. I paid them no mind. They were jealous of us, of the fact that she wanted to be my friend and mine alone. My friends gave up and let me go with a smile of understanding. I gloated about my luck but they knew I would be back.

They were right. She was not a real friend; she was not my real friend. Heck, she was not a friend at all … much less a real friend. At the end of my week I waited for her at our spot and she was not there, After each class, I looked for her but she was not there. At lunch I looked for her and she was not there. Feeling lonely, I went to sit with the friends I had abandoned for my new best friend. They welcomed me as though nothing had happened and I was grateful. While we laughed together, my “best friend” showed up with her new best friend and totally ignored me. She acted as though I didn't exist and my heart was crushed. Everyone at the table was polite to her but did not invite her to join us.  She flounced away from us without a care, laughing together with her new best friend.

When she left I was broken-hearted. But my actual friends felt for me and told me how she had tried to do the same with each one of them with mixed success. The older girls had not trusted her. She had worked her magic on us younger girls. As I listened to them, I learned valuable friend information that day. It still works today.

      True friends spend time with others as well as each other because they know that more friends means more fun

      True friends are not jealous of other friends because true friendship lasts

      Spending all your time with one person, only, is not healthy … there is sooo much out there to enjoy

      If someone drops a friend to be with you, they’ll drop you to be friends with someone else.

      Don’t turn your back on your true friends or take them for granted, it hurts. But if you do, true friends will understand and forgive … and take you back.

I still follow these today.

SO … thanks to all my high school sISTA gIRLS. I still love ya!

"What, you too" friends

this is the last throw-back. if you enjoy it and have the time...please check out some of our very first posts...and share us with others. And thank you for taking this friendship journey with us.

Friendship is one big conversation. We talk on the phone, in each other's home, over dinner, over drinks, in school, at work. In the beginning of a friendship we try to find areas where we agree. But as we go along and begin to trust each other we learn that disagreeing is okay and will not dissolve a friendship that is true.

C.S. Lewis describes this the best ... “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." 

... It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision - it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I am never sure which is better, spending time with acquaintances and discovering a friendship or spending time in the beauty of a friendship that has lasted a lifetime.Just as there is something to be said for the new dress you put on in anticipation of the day and the reactions you will get, there is the comfort that slides over you as you put on your favorite robe and curl up with a good book. Each has its unique delight. 

Still, most times when we talk about friendships, we talk about the lasting ones. So, today, instead ... we will honor new friendships. Specifically the "you too" moment when you realize you can indeed be friends.

She, being friendless and feeling alone.

Choose this day to explore.

Casting care to the wind,

She set out walking.

She eventually found herself in a park

Birds were singing, couples were strolling

The sun was shining

 But shadows were lengthening

A mime was performing

All in white, even his face

A performer, dressed all in blue,

 Was singing a sad song … beautifully

She stopped to watch and listen.

Then, caught up in the beauty of the moment,

And much to her surprise,

She began to cry.

Embarrassed, she looked around

The woman standing next to her,

Was offering her a tissue.

“Would you like a hankie?”

‘Thank you for your kindness”

She smiled as she reached for the tissue.

Surprised by the kindness,

She looked up at the gifter.

What she saw took her aback

For the woman was also crying

“You too …” she said, a smile breaking thru

And in that moment a friendship was born

a short sISTA gIRL story shared

this has been sort of a throwback week. i have been updating some very old posts that few people read because it was at the beginning of our journey together, here is another. but, when you get a minute, please read some of the older blogs. they were pretty interesting.

“She is a friend of mind. 

She gather me, man.

 The pieces I am, 

she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order.

 It’s good, you know,

 when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind. “

 - Toni Morrison -

A little while back i got into a bit of a situation because I was, as usual, preoccupied. The situation became a problem for me but I was reluctant to share my story, even with my sISTA gIRL. It took me a while, but eventually I told her of my situation. My sISTA gIRL did what she does best. she did not condemn me and, did not blame me. She also did not get mad at me for taking so long to tell her. Instead, she jumped into action, doing what she could to help me out of the jam I had gotten myself into.

She knew I already felt bad about the situation and while I did tell her I will do my best to make sure I don't get in such a jam again, she just listened and acted. Now this is not to say she won't let me know when I have messed up because she will; but she knows when it is okay to judge, criticize and teach and when it is time to just be there. This was one of those times I needed her to just be there and she was. Rest assured... I would do the same for her (and have).

We are more than just kindred spirits; we belong to the Race of Joseph. We are Anam Cara friends and I am grateful for her presence in my life. She is indeed a sISTA gIRL!

Share with us your sISTA gIRL stories.

-- photograph by Rodney Smith --

friendship is love

Friendship is the last vestige of love

Where souls meet and greet in comfort

Where acceptance reigns supreme

Where barriers crumble down

And acceptance flows

Like fall’s high tide

On a cool

Windy

Day

I read a book last year on love. The author included a list of questions to ask yourself on love and your relationship to love. The last question was: do you think love is growing or disappearing in the world. I asked a lot of people this question because I believed most saw the world as I did - full of loving people, daily growing in love. Imagine my surprise when most said there is less love in this world and that what there is of it is slipping steadily away.

I wonder how that can be possible when we as a people are made from love, when the world is filled daily with examples of love, when that which gives us life and lets us live and move and be is the highest love and we are all from that source of love. Nevertheless, that ... it seems ... is where many people reside; they anticipate there is no love and then wait to be proven right.

But those of us with friendships can change that.  Friendship is the last vestige of love. When we enter into a friendship, we create a source of love. When we do things together, spend time together; that source of love expands. And as our friendships grow, the source of love grows. 

Those of us with true, lasting, Anam Cara friendships give the world an energy boost of high love. That energy boost serves as a way to fill the world with love faster and wider. Why? It takes love to find love. Friendship is a willingness to open one's heart and soul to another. By opening our hearts and souls to our friends we prepare ourselves to open our hearts and souls to the world.

Imagine a world filled with people who have open hearts and souls. That is a world filled with love. It can happen. Love can increase in this world by increasing in us. So, let's all be grateful for our friends, for friendships. They are a source of this world's love, and an avenue to a world filled with loving people.

And like the water's of the ocean, may our friendships always ebb and flow in union with the highest source of love; bringing love to the shores of the hearts of all. Let's all go make friends.

being there

I know there are those of you out there in the world who are lonely or troubled. May we here at sISTA gIRLS Cafe be there for you. May we be your rock and your shoulder ... if not in person at least in spirit. 

But even I know that is not enough. You must find a way to be there for yourself. For those of you who are lonely, find a church or an organization that interests you and join. Be kind and friendly. Extend the hand of friendship to a fellow member. I am certain it will be received warmly and honestly. Or volunteer to help out somewhere, giving is always rewarded ... as is kindness. Moreover, you will have a good time. Nothing is more rewarding than helping another. It also helps to take your mind off your own problems.

For those of you who are troubled, remember ... we all go through things and even the happiest of people have down days. But, today is a perfect day to begin to heal yourself. Take a walk in the sunshine,let the wind caress your cheeks and play with your hair. Stretch your muscles and fill your lungs with the energy of the world around you. Walking is good for the body and spending time out in the sun is good for you spirit. It can be a real spirit lifter. 

As you walk, enjoy the scenery and say a quick thank you for all the sights you wish to experience ... couples in love, couples with children, those well dressed, those in great shape ... whatever it is. By appreciating others with what you have, you let the universe know what is in your heart so that it can bring your heart's desire to you. What we are grateful for we get more of.

Enjoy today having faith in the possibility of tomorrow. And know that we at the Cafe love you and have your back. We were here yesterday, are here today and we will be here tomorrow.  AND ... In The Meantime ...

May you be have happy and loving friendships

That your heart might remain open

May your friendships fill you with the confidence to be you

That the light of your true nature might shine forth because of their acceptance of you

May acceptance remove all traces of shame from you, replacing that shame with the joy of self acceptance

That their acceptance might help you to allow others to reveal their true nature to you without shame

May your friendships be healing

That you might become a source of healing for others

May your friendships fill you with trust

That trust might allow you to express yourself openly and honestly to yourself and others

May you be filled with a light and loving heart

That your love might fill the air with beauty and kindness 

May you be happy

That your happiness might radiate from you to fill the world with sunshine