Sometimes I Am So Greedy

Sometimes I Am So Greedy -

Sometimes I think i am so greedy - I want it all.

I want a serene life; one filled with moments of prayer, moments of meditation, moments of silent contemplation, and walks in nature. - where I actually hear my inner voice and feel at peace with myself, others, nature, and the world.

But that is not enough. I also want a life like a bottle of champagne on New Year’s Eve - a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud with joy at the unexpected tickle such pleasure brings.You know what I mean - all dressed up and looking and feeling good. I’m at or going someplace gorgeous, surrounded by lovely people whose company I enjoy the most, eating deliciously decadent foods off beautiful china and drinking luscious campagne from gorgeous cut and tinkling glasses, while laughing, listening to beautiful music, and dancing.

I also want a life filled with beautiful things - flowers, music, dance, art. I want to surround myself with beauty; that I might become beauty; that my heart, soul, and spirit might be filled with beauty; that the world might become a place of beauty. Imagine a world where we see the beauty in everything, appreciate the beauty of differences as well as similarities, where ugly is such a distant memory, the word no longer exists in dictionaries or vocabularies.

And yet I also need space. Space to let myself go, space to just be, space to feel free. Minimalists seem to need very little. To release my need to have things, to hold onto things - this I crave. I think my attachment to things correlates with my reluctance to let go of the past and my issues with change. I need things,however my need of things is diminishing. Nowadays, I seem to need things less and and am loving the concept of empty space more. However, I have yet to say I want to live in a minimalist interior.  I say I love the concept of minimalism. I think that is because minimalism, though lovely to look at, feels distancing and cold. Still the thought of minimalism does appeal to me. It provides space… space which allows the expansion of my soul.

What else do I want? At the end of each day, I want to be able to say I did more than just work to make money or that I just did the things I need to survive. I want my life to be more than a collection of events I did to get through each day. I want to go to bed thinking it was a great day and wake anticipating this new day is going to be at least as amazing.

Yes! I am greedy!

I want to be able to eat what i want, when I want…. within reason; to do what I want, when I want, so long as I hurt or harm no one. I want to sing out loud in the car with the windows open and stay up all night laughing. I want to paint my walls the exact color of the sky at the beach on a early autumn day and always wear the colors and outfits that reflect the strong, loving, sexy, confident, powerful woman I can be.. I want to fall asleep quickly and easily on clean. heated, soft sheets and wake to love. I want to eat cheesy omelettes with sweet tangerines, cold, thick, slices of tomato and slices of warm bacon. I want to throw avant garde parties where people get to know each other without talking. I want to listen to music so beautiful I cry, see and enjoy art so lovely I fill with emotion,  and read books so good they make me bubble over. I want to Iove and be loved by a man so deeply I give all of me with no thought and he shares with me all that he is. I want to commune with my soul, with the souls of those who get me. I want to see the magic and beauty in each moment and share the joy of living with others. I want to be so infectious with my joy and love, I make a difference I want to live in gratitude and light. I want my everyday to make The Great I AM smile, glad that he/she gave life to someone who loves the gift.