just finished reading an old posting of mine from about five years ago. It was me reviewing a conversation I’d had with a friend, and as a result, acknowledging that I had not been upfront and honest about my feelings about dating again, and that I had not been putting myself out there in my relationships. I had not even realized that I had not been doing this. It is ironic because I had a similar conversation with my sister just last month. She said my actions show that I am not open and willing to put myself out there in relationships. And yet, I am much further along than I was five years ago. Once again, although I was sure I was being open and putting myself out there, I was not. So to hear that what I thought I was thinking and feeling was not consistent with my actions was surprising..
While I could argue and refute these assessments, what would be the point. Better to honestly examine my actions, or lack thereof and see if they are right - do they match where I am emotionally. I did so and I have to admit it. I have unconsciously wrapped my arms so tight around myself, to avoid pain, that I have not allowed myself room to actually step out, trust and take chances. Or, I have stepped out so far and expected so much, I have pushed people away. So whether I’m not in it or I’m pushing too hard, I am clearly self-sabotaging.
In my prior blog, my friend dared me to write about it in my blog. She said a true blog is about the successes and failures of the writer. She said it would not only help me, it might help others. I believed then that she was right (she usually is), and I believe the same today. Back then I took her challenge, and I am again taking her challenge and sharing our conversation. I am acknowledging that although I have repeatedly said I am ready; I have, unbeknown to myself, done everything but take a sincere leap of faith.
Today, in this post, I acknowledge my inability, in the past, to step out in faith, while acknowledging my desire to enter into happy, healthy, loving relationships (of all kinds). I am indeed ready to be open and trusting, and through that, trust the process and take action when opportunities present themselves (and even create possibilities). I am going to be gentle with myself and allow myself to go with the flow of things while being honest with myself about where I want things to end up. I am going forward with open eyes, open arms and an open, trusting heart.
What about the rest of you? Are you ready to step out in faith? Are you ready to trust the process? Are you ready to be open to possibilities? Are you willing to tell someone how you feel (boss, family, friend, lover). Let’s give it a try. You may be glad you did.
Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.
Author Unknown
Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?
Frank Scully
