The season for friends and giving and ...

Christmas gift suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness.

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, your heart.

To a customer, service.

To all, charity.

To every child, a good example.

To yourself, respect.

-- Oren Arnold --

Christmas is the season for giving and whether we are religious, spiritual or atheist, we can all embrace Christmas as a season for remembering love and loved ones and those who are less fortunate. We can all be thankful for all we have and try to help those who do not have.

While those of us who are Christian focus on the meaning of Christmas - the wonderful gift of Jesus and the subsequent salvation the Lord has given us, giving to others becomes a natural expression of that gratitude. The key is our focus.Our focus is on the ultimate gift-giver, our gracious Heavenly Father. We give gifts to those we care for as God gave his gift to us and as the three kings gave their gifts to the baby Jesus.  

If those of us who of different cultural or religious backgrounds focus on being thankful for what we have and remember to give to those who are less fortunate than ourselves, we also honor the spirit of Christmas. 

Even atheists can honor the season by taking time to reflect on the blessings in their lives. An attitude of gratitude is something we can all assume, something that is universally practiced and a beautiful place to spend the holiday season.

It all boils down to how we honor the meaning of Christmas and the true spirit of giving. There is nothing we can give each other or God that is greater than our love.We, at Christmastime, can show love by how we treat each other. We can show love to each other through kindness and compassion. When we give a gift, it can be our way of saying thank you to loved ones for being a blessing in our lives. It can be our way of saying that we care.

However you choose to spend this season; whether you give or decorate or do nothing; whether you love or hate this time of year ... i hope it finds you healthy, happy and safe; surrounded by love, family and friends; enjoying good food and drink and lots of moments of laughter and peace.

For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat;

I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink;

I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;

naked, and you clothed Me;

I was sick, and you visited Me;

I was in prison, and you came to Me.

...Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine,

even the least of them,

you did it to Me.’

[The Gospel of Matthew 25:35-36,40]

the other side of christmas ... and friends

Happy Holiday
Happy Holiday
While the merry bells keep ringing
May your every wish come true

Happy Holiday
Happy Holiday
May the calendar keep bringing
Happy Holidays to you

once again it's the holiday season, the happy, happy reason for celebrating and gift giving and party going. but while i love christmas music, tree lights, snowmen, and celebrating with friends, i also hate the holidays. the pressure to buy the right gifts and to figure out how much to spend; the pressure to decorate and go to parties and smile, smile, smile and be filled with cheer. i hate that the holidays seems to mean couples and love and intimacy while i am single. it also seems to be about close ties and my family is dysfunctional.

the nicest thing i have heard this year is a group who try to match people who happily celebrate christmas day with people who are alone but don't want to be alone on christmas day. that to me is wonderful. i shared this with my child. her only response was that's nice for people who need christmas but she would never be ones who needed to be with others on christmas and would never open her home - how dangerous. i reminded her about her christmases and while she acknowledged them and how much fun they were and how we used to go all out, she said she no longer needed it. she believes that christmas is for children. now that she is an adult, no gifts, no tree...it is okay with her. 

i wonder if i have done that to her. have i given her reason to be so apathetic about the holidays. i mean the last few years i have decorated and put up a tree but i did it reluctantly, complaining the whole time. christmas does seem to be a holiday for lovers and families with small children. i try to think about reasons to decorate but all i can think is i have to take it down and put it all away and that is so much harder. i have bought gifts  (went shopping yesterday to be precise) but i worried about not spending enough, about not having enough money to buy gifts, about not buying the right gift. i never want to be the one everybody laughs at... you know... the one who never gets it right and it becomes the standing joke. "Ha ha, auntie gave me a neon, multi-colored bells tie to wear with my grey,  pin-striped suit to my job on wall street. she's a hoot isn't she."

she says no, it is not me or my attitude. she says it is her. maybe. i have asked many people about the holidays. so many people say it is just a depressing time of year for them. they remember absent loved ones, their problems with their families and the lack of love and other things in their lives. the ones who celebrate and rejoice in the day and the season seem to be families with children, new couples, and those who choose to be happy no matter their circumstances. i have never been one of those people. i can smile and laugh when i am in pain but i find it hard. maybe i am just lazy. but some say laziness is a way to mask depression.

 wow. this was supposed to be an uplifting piece on the beauty and splendor of christmas. instead it is becoming a discussion on the other side of christmas. let me say that a part of me loves christmas and always will. what will i do on christmas day? i can't say - haven't decided yet. either way, i will be remembering absent loved ones, wishing i was part of a couple and hoping that next year will be better. 

the best part of the holidays are my friends. they understand my perspective on christmas and pull me out of my holiday humdrums. i hope you have friends like that. they celebrate when you do and help you to celebrate when you can't do it alone. i also hope you are that kind of friend for those who need it. 

in the meantime...may your house be decorated with the warmth of the season, may your gifts recognize the love of the season, may your actions remember the meaning of the season and may your heart be filled with the lights of the season and may you take care of you.

dancing to who you are

and so, i am back with another poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. this poem is from her second book...The Dance. It is a gentle self-help book that urges readers to slow down, let go and dance. she reminds us that we are enough just as we are and that fear prevents us from realizing and accepting that . she also shows us the importance of holing and keeping others in our hearts. Her book includes suggested meditations and exercises at the end of each chapter. I hope you like the poem. If so, I hope you check out the book. in the meantime, I hope you dance. 

The Dance 

I have sent you my invitation, 

the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living. 

Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!” 

Just stand up quietly and dance with me. 

Show me how you follow your deepest desires, 

spiraling down into the ache within the ache, 

and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward 

to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day. 

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart. 

Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when 

you are hurt and afraid of being unloved. 

Tell me a story of who you are, 

and see who I am in the stories I live. 

And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice. 

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day. 

Show me you can risk being completely at peace, 

truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment, 

and again in the next and the next and the next. . . 

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring. 

Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall, 

the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will. 

What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness? 

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that 

help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently 

loving 

those we once loved out loud. 

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, 

the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart. 

And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make 

my heart whole again and again. 

Show me how you take care of business 

without letting business determine who you are. 

When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have 

too high a price, 

let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world 
the stories and the songs 
you want our children’s children to remember. 
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world, 
but to love it. 

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude, 
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging. 
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words, 
holding neither against me at the end of the day. 

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest 
intentions has died away on the wind, 
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale 
of the breath that is breathing us all into being, 
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within. 

Don’t say, “Yes!” 
Just take my hand and dance with me. 

© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Dance

by the way...my friends ...you should know, when you dance ... you take care of you!!!!

the first real snow of the season and friends

It is snowing in New York today. In honor of the snow, I thought i would find a poem about snow or snowflakes and share it with all of you. Instead I found this beautiful poem about snow geese; it expresses beautifully how I feel about snow ...strange as that may seem. This i want to share with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I.

Snow Geese by Mary Oliver

Oh, to love what is lovely, and will not last! 

What a task

to ask 

of anything, or anyone, 

yet it is ours, 

and not by the century or the year, but by the hours. 

One fall day I heard

above me, and above the sting of the wind, a sound

I did not know, and my look shot upward; it was 

a flock of snow geese, winging it

faster than the ones we usually see, 

and, being the color of snow, catching the sun 

so they were, in part at least, golden. I 

held my breath

as we do

sometimes

to stop time

when something wonderful

has touched us 

as with a match, 

which is lit, and bright, 

but does not hurt

in the common way, 

but delightfully, 

as if delight

were the most serious thing

you ever felt. 

The geese

flew on, 

I have never seen them again. 

Maybe I will, someday, somewhere.

Maybe I won't.

It doesn't matter.

What matters

is that, when I saw them, 

I saw them

as through the veil, secretly, joyfully, clearly.

Well, i hope you take time to go out and enjoy the beauty that is snow - the cold air on your face, the wet of snowflakes against your eyelashes, the way snow can brighten a day and fill your heart with childish joy.

Then, if you are lucky enough to find a friend willing to take a few minutes and play in the snow, go have some fun. Make snow angels, make a snowman, have a snowball fight. Then, when you are breathing heavy, wet and full of laughter...go inside and change into something warm and soft. Have chili or soup, hot cocoa and a glass of whiskey. That is the way to spend the first real snow day of the season. Go have fun and enjoy. This day will not come again. So...smile at someone...be kind...laugh at the snow and ... remember to take care of you

The Invitation

Since i don't think i did, today i am going to share with you the actual poem "THE INVITATION'. As I have said, it is by Oriah Mountain dreamer. I hope you like it as much as i have. Please comment and share. Your thoughts are always eagerly anticipated and received. Thanks and remember to take care of you.

I am reading this book by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. It starts with a bit called “The Invitation”. It is a “declaration of intent”, an assessment on how we might live better. It is a real perspective on how we might interact with one another; a viewpoint to consider on the road to self-improvement. I would like to share it with you.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and, if you dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon, “Yes!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

---You can read the invitation for yourself and read more about Oriah Mountain Dreamer atwww.oriahmountaindreamer.com/

Can You Be With Joy

• i know i said we were done with "THE INVITATION", but i left out "JOY". So, here is "JOY". i hope you enjoy. if so, please comment and share. don't forget to take to take care of you.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

Can I be with joy, dance with wildness and let the ecstasy of the moment fill me to the tips of my fingers and toes without cautioning myself or others? Yes, I can and I have. I have experienced joy so amazing I could not sit still; joy so moving that I reveled in it and then had to share it. On my wedding day I was joyful. I was emotionally full. I could not eat and I could not sit still. I talked to everyone, smiled constantly, danced every chance I could and laughed a lot. That day was so joyful for me I could not contain my feelings. And after the day was done, I wanted to do it all over again so that I could experience that feeling all over again...

I have also felt joy when in the throes of saying thank you. A quiet joy that has lifted my heart and made my soul and my situation feel lighter. A joy that has made the aches that I experienced almost nonexistent. A joy so freeing that tears of release cleansed me.

I have felt joy when taking the time to think of others and not myself. I can remember working in a soup kitchen, helping a victim of abuse, getting charges dropped against an immigrant who was wrongfully accused of a crime. The thank you from the people I helped was so special I have never forgotten it. I guess, even then I was mindful of the moment. I can still remember how those encounters left me feeling - joyful and blessed.

And I have danced and laughed and played with total abandon many times. While most of those moments have come when I was with my daughter, I believe they were the times when I was most willing to allow the moment to seize me. Those times when I was most willing to give in to impulse, when it was almost impossible not to give in to the feeling of being a living, vibrant being. But I don’t think you can plan to act with total abandon. I think it happens when you are so caught up in the moment, so mindful of the moment that you allow it to, at least in a sense, consume you such that the only way to proceed any further is to release the feelings through acts of total abandonment.

So, I have cavorted through sandy beaches, cried with abandon, basked luxuriantly in the sun, laughed until I cried, embarrassed myself in the streets with foolishness and danced in the rain. I have sung out loud to no one and shouted my joy to whosoever was present to hear. I have let the ecstasy of the moment fill me to the tips of my fingers and toes. And, I am open, eager and ready to do so again. I do believe there is joy that lasts. You just must be open to the moment.

This week, let joy catch you unawares and give in to it. This week, live with abandon, seize the moment, rejoice, find your ecstasy, laugh, love - in essence, be the fully alive, vibrant being you were created to be. Than look back and say thank you.  

   

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

Finishing The Invitation

Hi again. Just finishing up my prior posts on "The Invitation". I hope you have enjoyed my take. Please comment if you are so moved. all thoughts, feelings and opinions are greatly appreciated. In the meantime...remember to take care of you.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I have disappointed another so I can be true to myself and I have borne the accusation of betrayal so as not to betray my own soul. I have borne it through pain and sadness and love. It is a hard lesson to learn to be true to one’s self. But, if we are not true to our selves, how can we be true in other aspects of our life or to anyone else.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon, “Yes!”

Can I see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, every day, and can I source my own life from its presence? And, can I live with failure and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon, “Yes!” Yes! I see beauty everywhere. I see beauty in all things. Or at least I try. I believe in the beauty of creation and the beauty of life, its good and its bad. People tease me because I tend to see the good in everyone, or at least try to. I often remember taking a little girl to the bathroom. When it was time to wash her hands I was upset because the bar of soap was dirty. She, however, looked at the soap and began to smile. When I asked her what made her so happy she told me the bar of soap looked like a flower. I had to work hard to look past the dirt but, eventually I was able to see what she saw. I have never forgotten that. There is beauty in everything, you just have to be willing and open to it.

And, who has not lived with failure of some kind. I have experienced failure and then bounced back from it. I have shaken my head at the unfairness of life and said “Yes, I can go on and will.” I have seen the bottom of the barrel and pulled myself out of it to go on. I have done it in the past with the deaths of my husband (a police officer shot to death), my uncle (a Veterans Administration police officer also shot to death), my father (from cancer) and my sister-in-law (from lupus) and with other things that I have experienced. I am sure I will in the future. It is part of life and I accept that. I just know I will not let life beat me down; instead, I try to remember just how good life can be. This and hope always help me to go on.

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

Can I get up, after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children? I can and I have many, many, many times. When my husband was killed, the nights were hard to get through. But no matter how hard, I had a six year old to think of and I had to keep her life as normal as possible. No matter what I went through at night, in the morning I got up, got her cleaned, dressed, fed and off to school with a smile, a hug and an "I love you." I believe it was my child and the semblance of normalcy that helped me to get out of bed and go on, even when I didn’t want to. Thankfully, I am not there any more. Thankfully time and I have moved on.

I have had someone very dear to me live with and die of cancer. I have had someone else very dear to me live with and die of lupus. I helped those two people through very hard and painful times. I have had two people very dear to me get shot and killed. I, like so many others, learned the hard way that life is not easy. I have faced the fire alone and with others. I have not shrunk back. I have faced it out of love, caring and compassion. I have faced it because I have not thought of myself. I have faced it sometimes in spite of myself. I have faced it with faith and hope. And, I am sure, if necessary, I will do so again. Those are truly moments that are just not about you (not "what about me" moments). I have heard them referred to as moments of “the grand gesture”. I just think of them as moments of true humility and gentleness. And I just hope that should I have to face the fire again, I will stand tall.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
What sustains me, from the inside, when all else falls away- hope and faith. Faith and hope carry with them, for me, the belief that tomorrow is another day, that tomorrow will be better and that tomorrow is another chance. My faith is deep and strong. It has been tested, but it has held on. I have been angry at fate, at life, at God/the Creator, the Universe. But I have always believed in Him/It. In even the worst of times, those "I want it all to be over" times, my faith has kept me holding on. In the dark of night when I no longer want to go on and when hope is gone, faith (though smaller than a mustard seed) has kept me from throwing in the towel. What sustains me? My faith and hope sustain me.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Honestly. I like my company. I need me time, crave me time. And, in the empty moments, I do like my company. I read, meditate, write, sing, dance, pray, sit in silence with my thoughts and praise and say thank you. I even take myself out on a date sometimes. In the end, I am the only person on earth I can never get away from, so I better like myself and I do. I like my company.

Now, do “The Invitation” on your own and, if you ask yourself nothing else, ask: “what sustains me?" And, if you do nothing else ….do you - get to know and like you.

“Amazing, isn't it, how some see the basket half empty and others see it half full? Some see life hopeless, some hopeful. Even when things are less than perfect, if you can think of the good, the beautiful, the hopeful, you'll be more than sustained.”

Author Unknown

can you choose to look foolish

sorry, i have not posted lately. i am trying to get my home, my self and my life in order. it is a slow process sometimes. anyway, here i am again. still sharing with you posts from my prior blog about the poem "The Invitation". Please feel free to comment, share and like....but especially comment. i would love to know what you think, if you do my suggestions and if you have any results. in the meantime...i hope you enjoy...

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

Would I risk looking like a fool for love, for my dream, for the adventure of being alive? Yes. For me, the question is would I risk feeling like a fool. You know, I used to think I was afraid of telling some of the people I love how I feel about them or about issues involving them because of my pride. But on my journey of self-improvement, I have come to realize that actually, it is not my pride I have to work on. It is my fear of rejection. Pride and fear of rejection are not the same thing, though we do sometimes confuse them. And while it is said love overcomes fear, that is more theory than reality. Love, if we let it, can help us get past some types of fear. Love of our selves, that is. But not all types of fear and it is not an easy process.

In the end, it is our love of our selves combined with our thought-process that helps us get past fear. After all, it was our thought-process that put us where we are in the first place. And, I don't mean a random type of thought-process. I mean a conscientious thought-process. After all, we can control our thoughts and emotions. We just don't realize it or acknowledge it...

So, I have risked looking like a fool for the adventure of being alive (I have danced in the rain along the streets of Manhattan). I have also risked looking like a fool for love I was confident was returned (I have shouted to the world the depth of my feelings). But, I do not think I have often risked feeling like a fool for love I was not confident was mutual or for my dreams involving my relationships with my friends and family. As I say, my fear of rejection has often been too great. But, it has happened. There have been occasions when I have willingly put myself out there for someone I cared for. It took time, anticipation and willingness to be rejected, but I did it. The first time with not so great results and the second with much better results.

I cannot say that those two times have made it easy for me to willingly step out on a limb and take the chance of feeling like a fool again. But I can say that my choice to do so was worth the end result. So, I will continue to work on looking and feeling like a fool for my dreams and as such, will continue to make inroads in my life and my relationships. After all, what is the worse that can happen, nothing gets changed. And what is the best, all is improved to even better than I imagined.

This week, examine your life. Ask yourself if you are willing to risk looking like a fool for the things that are important to you, the people that are important to you. Then, check and determine if there is someone you need to face about an issue that has been hanging over your life. An issue that you have difficulty facing. Then get it together and face that person. Take a chance. You might get even better results than you expected. And if you don't, at least you have the knowledge that you faced your mountain and survived. I will. I hope you do. And until the next time and the next part of "The Invitation". take care of you...

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.

Leo F. Buscaglia (American guru, tireless advocate of the power of love, 1924-1998)