life can be good if we let it

spent the weekend in mixed spirits. last year this time my mom was very sick...dying. my brother, sisters and so many others in her life were with us (my daughter, mother and me) for the holiday weekend. we spent the days talking, sharing, eating, taking pictures, drinking, hugging, loving, listening to music, helping and healing. we walked in compassion, kindness and empathy. we were grateful for the opportunity, the time together and each other. it was a good weekend.

this year, my mom is in heaven with so many people that she loves. i am here and i am learning to be me without her. i spent a lot of the weekend thinking "last year this time, i was...". i was not alone and yet at moments i felt alone. it was not bad just sad, it was not painful but disquieting. at one point, i reached out for a hug and it helped.

this weekend i got to spend sometime with younger versions of myself and that was fun. it was an opportunity to see how far i have come or how far i still need to go. i think we don't realize where we are in life unless confronted with it for some reason.  it felt good to discover that, at least in some aspects of my life, i have grown and matured and have some bit of wisdom that i can share.

i cooked, ate out, listened to music, spent time with friends and my daughter, and even got in a little exercise and shopping. it was far more than i had anticipated. it was better than i had anticipated. i didn't get to do everything i wanted but i did far more than i thought i would. today i can look back and smile. it was not last year but it was good and i am grateful.


i think weekends like this past one are important - good memories revisited, a look at my life in the past, a look at who i was and how i have changed and grown. an opportunity to share of myself and my experiences. an opportunity for a hug and a freeing cry. i think i needed all of that and while i don't want every weekend to be like this, it was a good memorial weekend as holiday weekends go.

i hope all of you had a good weekend. i hope that you have lots of good memories to sustain you through hard moments. i hope you are growing and changing and sharing the wisdom of your life with others. i hope you are enjoying your life -eating good food, drinking good stuff, listening to beautiful music, enjoying sunny days, taking chances, laughing, and loving. i hope you are surrounding yourself with beauty and people who love you and whom you love.

i learned something this weekend. well maybe relearned it is more accurate. friends are amazing people. they remind us of who we are when we forget. they guide us on our path when we  misstep. they see the magnificent people we often don't realize we are and love us monumentally when we allow them. it is a beautiful thing to experience and to witness. i did both this weekend. the learning - we must allow the people in our lives, the people who love us the opportunity to share, express and show that love. it matters more than we could ever realize - to them and to us.

i have so much on my heart ... but ... well... let's just say....be happy, be grateful, stand tall, let go and appreciate each moment. and... while you're doing all of that... REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!!!