We are not InViSiBLe. We MaTTeR

WE are not invisible

You matter.

I matter.

We MaTTeR

I just read this article that reminded me, not that I ever need reminding, that there are people in this world who dont see me. Literally. They dont see me - not because I dont exist but because i dont matter and so, to them, I dont exist. While I can relate to being invisible to others, I cannot relate to being privileged such that I actually dont see others, that they dont exist for me, that they dont matter to my life. While it is weird for me to think about, I know there are plenty of people who live this way. They only see the people who matter in their world. I have also witnessed it.

My favorite example - years ago, a bunch of friends, my mom, and I took my daughter to a fancy restaurant for a birthday dinner. The set-up of the restaurant was very "chi, chi, poo poo" if you know what I mean. We even had our own personal waiters. Yes, I did say waiters!!! And most of us, we were all fairly young - our early to mid thirties, were so impressed, we commented (quietly) on everything. Near us was a family having dinner. When the man wanted something, he help up his fingers - just his fingers, and a waiter would approach. The man never looked for a waiter, he just held up his fingers; knowing a waiter would be there to attend to his needs and wishes. When the waiter appeared at his table, the man would, each time, speak to the waiter but never look at the waiter. When a waiter poured water or provided some other service, the man continued whatever he was doing as though the waiter was not there, as though the service was just supposed to happen. It was strange to watch and experience. I have, on occasion, tried to act as though I dont see the waiter, just to see... but I am unable to pull it off. I see the waiter, I know he is there, I dont just assume things are going to happen for me because that is what I am entitled to or what i expect.

I think that is a good thing. While I will never experience what it feels like to be privileged, I have experienced what it feels like to be ignored - and so I try never to ignore others. I have been treated as though I dont matter -  and so I will never forget that everyone matters, that just our presence makes a difference. I have experienced trying to speak to those who dont see me or who choose to ignore me - and so I see everyone and try not to ignore those who reach out. I have known lack - and so offer help whenever I am able, to people brave enough to ask, because I see them.

Most whites dont see people of color. Most men don't see women. Those that have often don't see those that dont. It is a frightening, vicious, unending cycle. I wish I knew how to end it but I dont. I do think opening the lines of communication helps. I think acknowledging and accepting our differences helps. I think empathy - never pity, helps. I think acknowledging that there are people we dont see and then actually seeing those people goes a long way to bridging the divide that exists. We alone cannot change the world overnight but we can make a difference. One drop in the the ocean sends ripples out that can bring about a change. We can be that ripple because WE MaTTeR.