kindred spirits revisited

thought i would update an older post and share it with all of you.

I often refer to true friendship as Anam Cara.  When i do that, I do not mean a “like-minded” friendship, i am referring a rarer friendship. I think of like-minded friends as “kindred spirits”. The dictionary defines a kindred spirit as “an individual with the same beliefs, attitudes, or feelings as oneself”. While the word “like-minded” is a combination of two Greek words, “isos” which means “equal” and “psuche” which means “soul”. The complete meaning of “like-minded” therefore is “equal soul”. When you have  a kindred spirit friendship you are friends with an equal soul or someone just like yourself.

I do enjoy having friends who are like-minded. Indeed, a kindred spirit is fun to have; but how do you learn and grow if you share the same feelings, beliefs and attitudes. In order to grow as a person, we must be challenged. That is what a soul mate friend does. My favorite explanation of soul mates comes from “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. She writes, “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.”

She goes on to say, “ A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…”

I have a friend like that. She makes me crazy because she tells me the truth about myself whether I like it or not. I listen because I know she loves me and has my best interest at heart. That is a true friend. One who loves you in spite of who you are and is willing to tell you when you need to get it together. Better than that, after she tells, she not only reminds you that she loves you, she shows you. And best, she allows you the privilege of doing the same with her. This is how you grow. Friendship is best when it allows you to grow into the best you that you can be; when it allows you to grow into a loving being ... open to loving for and from others. That is the kind of friendship I have with her. 

In the end, we need both types of  friends  we need like-minded friends or kindred spirits and we need soul mate friends. Friends who see things from our perspective and friends who see where our perspectives can take us. They both love us for who we are and allow us to freely be who that is. Those are the friendships I wish for all of you.

my cat..my joy..my friend

i have had many pets over the years. they have all been a part of the family. usually they were dogs. some years ago, a stray cat began hanging out in front of my house. the cat was scrawny but had the most beautiful green eyes. i felt sorry for the cat. she was always trying to get in my house and all the neighborhood children hung around and insisted i do something to help (i am the neighborhood stray helper). after a few days of this, i asked my girlfriend (a cat lover)  if she would take the cat in. my girlfriend agreed and i brought the cat into my house so that she would not run away and would be here when my girlfriend arrived (in two days) to retrieve the cat.

as you can guess, my girlfriend never showed up. she changed her mind, said she had too many responsibilities to take in a cat again.  i totally understood. i didn't even like cats was now stuck with one. i asked around but nobody wanted a cat...a dog, sure. but not a cat. finally, i reluctantly agreed to keep the cat. she was to be my daughter's. that never happened. the cat seemed to take to me and i, for some reason, seemed to take to the cat. 

i named her peridot. she claimed me for her, i called her mine and we never looked back. what a great choice. she grew into a beautiful, healthy cat with the most amazing green eyes. she was imperial, playful, bossy, distant, loving, greedy, busy, disdainful, and absolutely adorable.  i have grown to love this cat more than i thought possible.

she is sick now. she has cancer. she has lost a ton of weight, can keep no food or water down. she is unable to groom herself, to play, to romp, to jump up onto things. she is barely able to walk. i am putting her to sleep tonight because she is dying and in a lot of pain and i can not bear to allow her to live a shell of her former existence. i know i will  miss her presence in my life and am grateful for the time we have shared these past six years. she proved wrong all the negative things i heard about cats. she is indeed a joy to have around. 

she was more a friend than my dog. dogs are the family member who always needs a hug, plenty of one-on-one time and lots of care. cats seem to be different. mine liked to laze in the sun and spend time alone. but she came out every evening to sit with me...sometimes on me and just spend quality alone time together.she also seemed to know when i was down. she would pop up, rub her head against my leg and wait for me to pick her up. then she would sit in my arms til i felt better. i looked forward to those moments.she is my family but she is also my friend - a friend who is there for me.

not everyone likes animals. not everyone should have a pet. but for those of us lucky enough to have a pet share our lives, to be loved by a pet, we know they bring sunshine to our every day.

so i am thankful for my pet...my cat...my PERIDOT LILY LOVELADY (my daughter and i named her together). i will never forget the impact she has had on my heart and my life. 

stop on by

hi everyone. i know i haven't been around lately. just trying to catch up on things left over from the death of my mom. i haven't given up on this blog or you or us. please don't give up on us. read some of the older posts, share this blog with others. comment...comment...comment. in the meantime please know, i am always thinking of you and am looking forward to getting back in the swing of writing again.

REMEMBER...

there is always a seat, a drink, good food and great convo at 

the sISTA gIRLS CAFE....SO ALWAYS STOP ON BY.

solivagants and their friends

So many of us believe we solivagant - wander alone - through the world. we are believers and dreamers. we  are seekers of light and beauty and serenity. we hope eternally and give love easily. we get our hearts broken and yet continue to love. we fall down and pick ourselves up. we get broken open and find ways to heal ourselves all while trying to help and heal others. we wear rose-colored glasses and refuse to take them off... even when the world tries to beat the light out of us.  and when the world does manage to plunges us into darkness, we find a way to turn on our light.

those of us who solivagant need friends who see into our hearts and understand how we try to survive on our own, how we keep our rose-colored glasses close to our hearts and believe things will all work out. we need people who realized we are strong because of our softness and vulnerability and not in spite of. we need people who know we willingly take on the world for those we love and those in need. we need people who will help us to pick up the pieces when our hearts ...again... break open as life reminds us that it can be a cruel task master.

friends help us to laugh at ourselves, see the lighter side of life. friends remind us to look after ourselves and to do for ourselves for a change. friends help us to live in the real world while  allowing us to dream and share our dreams. because we don't just dream for ourselves we have dreams to spare. friends help us to wake from our dreams and return from our wanderings even if we even if only for a little while

so here's to the dreamers and wanderers; know....  you keep the world full of hope and ever aware. here's to their friends ...you remind them they don't dream alone and don't wander without you keeping tabs on where they are. and here's to all of you on your journeys. may you get there together, each in your own way.

She who solivagants

Is free like the wind

Unsoiled by dirt like the lotus

A light in darkness like the moon

But she is only so until caught

Only alone until sought

Quiet until thought

Rushes in where there was naught

But she just wandering alone

Querencia... friends who are a place of home

So I learned this GREAT word yesterday - QUERENCIA. It was defined as “a place from which one’s strength is drawn; where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self”. I thought it was Spanish and so I looked it up in the Merriam –Webster Dictionary to see how Americans defined the word. It said “an area in the arena taken by the bull for a defensive stand in a bullfight”. Not quite the same definition.

When I read the American definition, I wondered at the difference. Was it a difference in perception, a difference in nuance, or a difference in culture? I searched online and found a site that defined the word from a Spanish perspective. It said…” In Spain, it is the place in the ring where the wounded bull goes to renew his strength and center himself, ready for a fresh charge…a place in which we know exactly who we are; the place from which we speak our deepest beliefs.” 

I like this definition and thought –what a wonderful concept. It defines that which we, as Americans have no word for.  In fact, the author goes on to further define the word. She says… “In Spanish, “querencia” describes a place where one feels safe, a place from which one’s strength of character is drawn, a place where one feels at home. It comes from the verb “quere”, which means to desire, to want.”

I love that. She goes even further in her explanation of the word. She speaks about the bull in the fight and what happens to the bull once he gets wounded. She continues, “The wounded bull retreated to a spot to the left of the gate through which he had entered, to rest, it seemed. He had found his querencia: a place where he felt safe and was therefore at his most dangerous. The matador tries not to let the bull find this place, because it increases the danger to himself. For the bull, it is a place where he believes he can survive this unfair game. Unfortunately and cruelly, he almost never does. It is said that if the same bull were to fight more than once in the ring, every matador would die; once an animal learns the game and stands in his power, he cannot be defeated.”

I understand why we don’t have a comparable word in the American language; we do not have bull fights. But for many of us, life is a bullfight and we are the bull. Thankfully, we do not die every time we step into the ring of life. Thankfully, most of us have a querencia to go to. A place where we can lick our wounds, heal and come out fighting once again. A place where we can process what we have learned so we don’t continue to make the same mistakes. A place where we can regroup, refocus and gain a proper perspective. A place from which we, like the bull, can finally learn the game of life and then stand in our power confident we can never be defeated.

 So I am grateful for having learned this word. It defines that which we, as Americans have no word for. It is the place where we renew and strengthen ourselves. It is the thing that helps us feel safe. It is the person, or people with whom we feel at home.  For indeed, we know with whom and where we feel most at home. Our bodies tell us, if we listen. There are certain seasons during which we feel more at ease, certain things we rely on to center us and keep us at ease, certain times of day when we feel safe and more relaxed, certain climates, certain foods…even the clothes we wear help us feel more at home.

In learning this word, I realize I have also found a new way to describe the friends with whom I feel at home, the friends with whom I can be my most authentic me, the friends I go to when I have been broken to help me pick up and glue back my pieces. They are my querencia. It is good to know when the world is a bull fight and someone has waved the red flag, if I come out charging but lose the battle, they will be there to help me clean my wounds and will stay with me while my wounds heal to merely scars so that I may go on again. And I hope they/you all know that I am their/your querencia as well.

rummaging through my mind... thoughts on the greatness of women and being friends

we are all just gorgeous chaos. we want to live lives of wild, carefree abandon. but responsibilities, bills, and life steps in and attempts to force a yoke upon us. many of us rebel or  fight back. but not enough of us. we are all beautiful, inside and out. but society's expectations and the expectations of those we know force us to deny our beauty and adopt the beauty imposed by those who are also not happy with themselves. 

but we... women... we find ways to rise above the malaise of daily existence and the potential humdrum of living. we wear our hearts on our sleeves, share our minds with those willing to listen, and allow our spirits to dwell in places of serenity for relaxation. we dance in the rain, sing in public and laugh out loud. we write poetry from our souls, paint from our hearts, sculpt reality into fantasy, and create music to love by. we love easily, rarely lose hope, take on the problems of many. we strive to help those in need and to heal those in pain. all we ask in return is a safe have in times of stress, to be loved for who we are. to be truly understood, to be seen beyond the masks we wear, and to not be laughed at when our masks slip in public.

we are flawed in our beauty, tremulous in our courage, and imperfect in our striving for perfection. we are cracked, broken and often spit upon by the world. but we will fight for those we love and run headfirst into battle to protect the weaker, younger, inexperienced, naive, and unaware. we allow our light to shine through our cracks, use our brokenness to inspire others and turn the spits into stepping stones.

but we don't do this alone, we are not in this by ourselves. we are each other's friends, and as friends; we are each other's candle- we light the way through the darkness of life. our friendships are the wings that help us soar over the inequalities of existing. our friendships keep our hope breathing and our love vibrant. we... as friends... keep each others songs and share each others dreams. we remember each other's stories - the good and the bad. we are each others backbones and we hold each other up when our own legs fail us.

there is an amazing passage from the audio and dvd version of the secret that causes my heart to swell with joy and exhilaration every time i hear it. it describes us and our friendships. i would like to share it with you...

"I believe that you’re great, that there’s something magnificent about you. Regardless of what has happened to you in your life, regardless of how young or how old you think you might be, the moment you began to think properly there’s something within you, there’s power within you that’s greater than the world, it will begin to emerge, it will take over your life, it will feed you, it will clothe you, it will guide you, protect you, direct you, sustain your very existence, if you let it. Now that is what I know for sure"

you... my friends... my sISTA gIRLS. You are GREATNESS. never forget this. now go forth and show the world just how amazing you are.

Welcome .... and... a tradition of loving kindness

To all newcomers to this blog ... Welcome. We'd like to share a wonderful tradition with you and all of you who read out posts and keep up with sISTA giRLS cAFE...

An African tribe does the most beautiful thing. When someone does something hurtful and wrong, they take the person to the center of town, and the entire tribe comes and surrounds him. For two days they'll tell the man every good thing he has ever done. The tribe believes that every human being comes into the world as Good, each of us desiring safety, love, peace, happiness. But sometimes in the pursuit of those things, people make mistakes. The community sees misdeeds as a cry for help. They band together for the sake of their fellow man to hold him up, to reconnect him with his true Nature, to remind him who he really is, until he fully remembers the truth from which he'd temporarily been disconnected: “I AM GOOD.” 

to The Journey To The Revelation Of My Soul, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share this post here.

what a lovely course of action... a circle of loving kindness. it clearly stems from a place of  love and compassion. wouldn't it be great if we could all live this way...if all issues in life could be resolved this easily. alas, it is not possible. at least not on a grand scale. but we can incorporate the essence of this tradition in our everyday lives. 

when people we love do something hurtful or wrong or if we do something hurtful or wrong, instead of being accusatory and unforgiving, perhaps we should tell them/ourselves how much we love them/us. perhaps we should remind them/ourselves of the good that they/we have done for themselves/ourselves and others. perhaps if we reach out to them/ourselves in loving kindness rather than condemnation,we can help them/ourselves ... and thus help ourselves/others remember that essentially WE ARE GOOD and thus ALWAYS DESERVING OF LOVE.

that is being a friend to others, to ourselves, that is doing what we are here to do ... love.

please share and comment and continue to visit us. Thank you.

another favorite friendship story

this is one of my favorite friendship stories. it touches on love, support, help, sadness, recovery, compassion and kindness. i hope you enjoy it and that it touches your heart as it did mine...

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books, and I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran right up to him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.

Then he looked up, and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get a life.”

He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!”

He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class and I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.

On Graduation Day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one), and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

“Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach… but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met . He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker, so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later, and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

“Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.” I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

I Can See Your Scars… or …When Friendship Becomes Real

I met a friend the other day for lunch. We had been friends for years but because of our lives, didn’t get to see each other often.  We had planned this a while ago though and I was excited to see her.  She was different from most of my friends and that was one reason why my seeing her was a special treat. When she spent time with you, she gave you her undivided attention.  When you were with her, the rest of the world seemed to fade away.  When she looked at you, it felt as if she saw your soul, when she listened it was with her whole self, when she spoke she took her time and though she spoke hesitantly and softly, when she spoke she said much with few words. She was thoughtful, kind, insightful and full of love.

My only complaint was she wanted you to share with her but she was not so quick to share herself. When asked questions about herself or her life, she would ponder long before answering and she didn't say much.  I often got the feeling she felt that she could not share because there was so much more to her than I realized and that I could not handle her answers.

On the day we met for lunch, we had a breakthrough in our friendship. We had finished eating, I had, as usual, told her all about me and my life. But for a change, it was not a long, drawn out conversation. I was in a good place in my life and was grateful for my blessings. I was also learning to listen in the spaces in between conversations and see in the midst of shadows.  I had asked her about her and her life and though she shared, I, for a change, knew there was more. But I also knew she would tell me when she was ready. I sensed that she was feeling out whether she could talk to me. I did not push.

We finished our meal and were lingering over coffee when it happened. It was peaceful as we sipped our drinks and I enjoyed the silence that enveloped us. I looked up at her to comment on the beauty of the afternoon spent with her when I noticed it. Although her head was down, I could see inside her. She appeared as a porcelain doll with scars on her hands and face and arms. I was taken aback at first. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I opened my eyes and looked again. The image had begun to blur but I could still see the vestiges of the scars on her body.

I stared at her in amazement. Maybe that is why she could not talk, could not share, she had been emotionally scarred and was seeking someone who did not need her to help them but who could listen to and help her. I looked at her intently and as I watched, her soul blossomed for me. I looked intently and again I saw her scars.

 When she finally looked up at me I saw traces of the scars on her face. I could not help myself. Slowly I asked, “are those scars I see on your soul?”

“Yes they are,” she sighed.

“From where did you get them?” I queried, saddened that she had been unable to share this with me before.

“From a battle I waged.” She answered this in a louder voice, a voice tinged with satisfaction and a tiny hint of pleasure.

Fascinated I asked, “With whom did you battle?” Imagine my surprise and understanding when she slowly said…

“…with myself.”

thank you to the FB page that posted a bit of this. it resonated with me and i turned it into my own. again ... thank you

Don't. Let. Go.

We all want money, power, wealth, and success to some degree or another. We get it and we find that we are still not satisfied. That is because what we want is not necessarily what we need. When what we want matches what we need: we will truly be happy.

What is it we want and need: to be loved. But not JUST to be loved. We want…need to be loved by someone to our VERY CORE. We need a companion. But not just a companion, we need a companion for life, a true companion. We need a friend and a soul mate. We need someone special in our life, someone, with whom we can share everything. We need someone with whom we can share our heart and our soul. We need someone we can be intimate with; someone who loves us with complete conviction and honesty. We need someone we can trust for the rest of our lives.

The reality is we don’t always get what we want and worse we don’t always get what we need.  So, many of us give up and resign ourselves to spending a lonely life or at least a life alone. But that is not the answer. You must choose to embrace love with open arms whenever it comes to you and touches your heart and soul…in whatever form it appears. That is the only way to get more. And, if someone chooses to love you with all that they have… DON'T. LET. GO. 

spread the word... spread friendship

thank you all for reading and coming back to this blog. it is new and an opportunity to spread the joy of friendship to others. we are pleased so many of you seem to enjoy what we are sharing with you. we truly enjoy sharing our thoughts and feelings with on friendship and other topics. what we like best, however, is sharing. now perhaps those of you reading are a little shy. that is okay. once one person starts, others will join in. we here at sISTA gIRLS cAFE really want a dialogue to develop. we can talk about anything you want concerning friends, family life. it begins with sharing. so tell others about the blog and encourage everyone to comment. thank you.

as we have said in the past...

please spread the word about the blog. not only will more people know about us but with enough people involved here, we can begin a dialogue together: you can share stories with me. you can ask questions of me. you can suggest things you would like me to talk about. perhaps we can even plan a meet and greet to extend our network of friends. anything is possible. the sky is the limit. remember...no friendship is one-sided that lasts and we want this to last. so comment, share, and ...

again... THANK YOU!!!!

friends who need our tolerance and care

If we could look into each other’s heart and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance and care.

--Soul vision healing --

such a beautiful quote.

i have an acquaintance, she is a caring individual with a very abrupt, brusque manner. i have a relative, also very caring with a victim mentality. both of these individuals walk on the wild side when it comes to opinions and don't back down. even when they are the only one, even in the midst of a crowd. they are also needy and don't know how to express their need.

people often tease them about their opinions and talk about them behind their backs. i wish i could say i never participate but that would be a lie. but i do always interject with a reminder that they are caring people who deserve love even if they are different. i try to understand the things that have brought them to where they are, and try to at least view them from a place of tolerance.

when i read this quote, it touched me. i thought of them immediately and knew i had to share it with you... my sISTA gIRLS.

 i am sure in all of our lives, there are people who push our buttons, who make us a little crazy, who irk our nerves just a bit, who push us to our limits - take us to places we don't want us to go, and bring out in us the things we would rather never see. in the end, we should be grateful for these people, for their presence in our lives. they force us to see who we really are and to...at the same time...be better people.

the next time you are with one of these people...friend, relative, acquaintance; step back and try to look at them with eyes and heart wide open. try to see where they are coming from and why they are that way. perhaps you will be able to view them differently and then begin to treat them with caring and tolerance.

hey... think about it...you would want that if it were you i was talking about. as a matter of fact... that person i am talking about... just might be YOU.

how to be your own best friend

there are so many things i have learned in this world that are ... for me .... life lessons. one of the biggest involves the use of the phrase "i am". it is true they are powerful because whatever you put after them can... and often does... shape your reality. i am fat. i am smart. i am happy, i am a loser, i m a winner. whatever you tell yourself often enough becomes your reality. it is not what you tell the world it is what you tell yourself. so be your own best friend and tell yourself only good things. "i am smart, i am healthy, i am the perfect size, i am strong. as a matter of fact an affirmation i learned from the secret is full of "i am's". let me share it with you...

I AM WHOLE, STRONG, POWERFUL, PERFECT, HAPPY, HEALTHY, LOVING HARMONIOUS

how's that for an "i am" affirmation. say it all the time, every chance you get, every time you think of it. it can only help...

i also believe what you put out is what you get back. i try to put out love and kindness and caring and compassion. i believe if enough people put out positive thoughts and feelings, we will infect the world with goodness and more people will share these feelings and thoughts til we one day have a world filled with people who are living, kind, caring and compassionate.

i know we all have lessons we have learned from life. here is a list of lessons shared with me today. i would like to share them with you. though i have heard most of them at least once in my life, they all made sense. some of them resonated deeply within me. i hope they all make sense to you and i hope you find some that resonate deep within you. 

please remember the goal in life is to be your own best friend. it is good for you - your heart and your soul; and it makes you a better friend to others. these lessons help you accomplish that goal. enjoy them and today and always .... take good care of you...

Written by Regina Brett

"To celebrate growing older, she once wrote the 50 lessons life taught her. It is the most requested column she has ever written.

So here is the column:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

shine!!!!

one of my favorite things to do is to fill up my albums of pictures of things that touch me, that move me, that open my heart or soul, that are beautiful and beauty. one of my favorite types of pictures are of light...candles, fireworks, moonlight, created or real. i like to let light in. i like to see it shine softly, brightly, filling a room, a person or a life. while it can be fun to be able to walk through darkness, it is certainly easier with a little light to guide your way. 

today i received a little light from an old friend. her words brought tears to my face and created little cracks in my everyday armor so that i could feel a little more light escaping from me out into the world. i thank her for that.

right after that, i read this posting that seemed eerily appropriate. it filled me up and overflowed. clearly i am meant to share this with you ... my friends, my journey companions.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

~ Marianne Williamson ~

i have read many things that she has written and believe she has a deep capacity to understand, share and encourage love. please read her if you get the chance. in the meantime, let us be moved by this passage and give ourselves and others permission to be our splendid selves. let us right now begin to... shine...shine...SHINE!!!

the good and bad of friendship

"Love allows understanding to dawn, and understanding is precious. Where you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release yourself into the trust and shelter of the other person’s soul."

--John O'Donohue

Friendship is an amazing thing. it can take you to heights amazing and places you thought you'd never see or leave you alone at the shores of life. it can crash against the waves of a storm or sail smoothly on into the horizon. it affects each and every person on this planet whether we choose it to or not. even the meaning of friendship and its importance touches every aspect of our lives. check out some of the words of an old school jam by Whodini a rap group from the 1980's...

Friends

How many of us have them?

Friends

Ones we can depend on

Friends

How many of us have them?

Friends

Before we go any further, lets be

Friends*

Is a word we use everyday

Most the time we use it in the wrong way

Now you can look the word up, again and again

But the dictionary doesn't know the meaning of friends

And if you ask me, you know, I couldn't be much help

Because a friend is somebody you judge for yourself

Some are OK, and they treat you real cool

But some mistake kindness for bein' a fool

We like to be with some, because they're funny

Others come around when they need some money

Some you grew up with, around the way

And you're still real close too this very day

Homeboys through the Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall

And then there's some we wish we never knew at all

And this list goes on, again and again

But these are the people that we call friends

Appreciate the good friends you have and hold the memories sacred. those friendships that did not work are stepping stones in your life. blow away all the debris surrounding them and then place them at your feet and use the lessons you learned from them to help you in your other friendships to help them become better than ever.

are you a nightingale

While nightingales are nice enough looking birds. they are not the prettiest birds. there are birds far more beautiful, far more majestic, far more awe-inspiring. And yet, when nightingales sing. their song becomes them and they become truly beautiful to look at and to listen to and while it is true some do not hear the beauty of the nightingale's song, it is not because of the nightingale, but rather because those who don't hear, do not have ears to hear.

Some of us are like nightingales. We are not the prettiest women in the world or the most majestic or the most awe-inspiring. Some of us are overweight or just don't have great bodies and some of us are not the brightest or the sharpest. Often, when we look at our deficiencies, we become embarrassed and hide our light, afraid to call attention to ourselves. That is not how to live. We all have faults, but that is not where our focus should lay. We are all here for a reason. Each and everyone of us has a gift to share. Every one of us is filled with wonderful, positive attributes. When we focus on our strengths, we allow our soul to open up to the world. When we share our own special song, we let our light shine and that light fills us with such a glow; our beauty becomes resplendent and we fill the world with both beauty, grace, and light.

nightingales... people who keep their light hidden, need friends. friends remind us that we have strengths and talents. Friends see our strengths and talents. Friends support our abilities. Friends remind us that we are light and beauty. Friends help us turn our light back on when it goes out or starts to fade. 

so for all you nightingales out there... 

don't keep your light hidden. don't keep your song hidden. let your light shine!!!  Sing out loud!!! and if you can't do it alone... enlist your friends to help! They will!!! 

tell me...where is the love

is it me? as a rule, i do not listen to the news. i do not read the news. i spend most of my day looking at beautiful things and listening to beautiful music. i surround myself, in my home, with beautiful things.it is not just that i enjoy beautiful things - i am trying to keep evil at bay.

now, i do know what is going on because we (my family, friends and i) talk about the events in the world all the time..."hey, did you hear?" but i try not to....often....share bad news or depressing stories. but i am far from perfect. as i write this it occurs that when i talk about my frustrations with situations i am involved in or people i am dealing with...it is the same thing. now, if i release and let go of my frustrations with those things, i guess how i perceive those situations and people would change. but that does not work with the stories in the news.

it does work with me but as with everything on my journey, it is a hard thing to do. it is hard to let go of my attitudes, perceptions, experiences. they color my perceptions. i think i have told you before - my friends say i wear rose-colored glasses. i don't think that is true. but i do believe if we each try to seek the goodness in others first and try to be kind, we would all be part of a love movement that would bring the people of this world closer to the world it was created to be... a world of love. but as with letting go, that is hard.

the last few days, i have heard a lot of tragic stories;stories of molestation of children, illness, death and suicide. i wish i could say that i also heard stories of birth and recovery, of marriage and new love, of wellness and accomplishment. but i cannot. my friends say love is waning, that evil is rising. they say that evil is pervasive and we must fight even harder to stay loving. i say love is growing, that spirituality is spreading, that self-introspection is becoming popular and that more people are trying to live lives of kindness, love and peace. but a week like i have had makes it hard for me to keep the glow of possibility in my heart.

so today, i am lifting up those who are going through hard, sad, tumultuous times. i am holding my heart in my hand and letting the glow of my soul once again fill my heart with radiant love. and then i am going to step outdoors and hold my heart up to the heavens. mayhaps the radiant glow of my heart's loving kindness will reach out to the hearts and souls of others. mayhaps it will touch others and they will wish to spread this loving kindness to others, as well.

if enough of us share loving kindness, perhaps next week i will hear stories of overcoming and health, of peace and joy, of compassion and goodness. perhaps i will hear stories of love and kindness and i will know once again that loving kindness does abound in this world of ours.

if you read this and are moved to comment... please tell me and my friends .... where is the love?