We are not InViSiBLe. We MaTTeR

WE are not invisible

You matter.

I matter.

We MaTTeR

I just read this article that reminded me, not that I ever need reminding, that there are people in this world who dont see me. Literally. They dont see me - not because I dont exist but because i dont matter and so, to them, I dont exist. While I can relate to being invisible to others, I cannot relate to being privileged such that I actually dont see others, that they dont exist for me, that they dont matter to my life. While it is weird for me to think about, I know there are plenty of people who live this way. They only see the people who matter in their world. I have also witnessed it.

My favorite example - years ago, a bunch of friends, my mom, and I took my daughter to a fancy restaurant for a birthday dinner. The set-up of the restaurant was very "chi, chi, poo poo" if you know what I mean. We even had our own personal waiters. Yes, I did say waiters!!! And most of us, we were all fairly young - our early to mid thirties, were so impressed, we commented (quietly) on everything. Near us was a family having dinner. When the man wanted something, he help up his fingers - just his fingers, and a waiter would approach. The man never looked for a waiter, he just held up his fingers; knowing a waiter would be there to attend to his needs and wishes. When the waiter appeared at his table, the man would, each time, speak to the waiter but never look at the waiter. When a waiter poured water or provided some other service, the man continued whatever he was doing as though the waiter was not there, as though the service was just supposed to happen. It was strange to watch and experience. I have, on occasion, tried to act as though I dont see the waiter, just to see... but I am unable to pull it off. I see the waiter, I know he is there, I dont just assume things are going to happen for me because that is what I am entitled to or what i expect.

I think that is a good thing. While I will never experience what it feels like to be privileged, I have experienced what it feels like to be ignored - and so I try never to ignore others. I have been treated as though I dont matter -  and so I will never forget that everyone matters, that just our presence makes a difference. I have experienced trying to speak to those who dont see me or who choose to ignore me - and so I see everyone and try not to ignore those who reach out. I have known lack - and so offer help whenever I am able, to people brave enough to ask, because I see them.

Most whites dont see people of color. Most men don't see women. Those that have often don't see those that dont. It is a frightening, vicious, unending cycle. I wish I knew how to end it but I dont. I do think opening the lines of communication helps. I think acknowledging and accepting our differences helps. I think empathy - never pity, helps. I think acknowledging that there are people we dont see and then actually seeing those people goes a long way to bridging the divide that exists. We alone cannot change the world overnight but we can make a difference. One drop in the the ocean sends ripples out that can bring about a change. We can be that ripple because WE MaTTeR.

I almost can't believe we have finally hit 250 likes. We are truly happy and feeling quite blessed. A lot of things have come up during our stint as page administrators. Once or twice we have talked of shutting down the page, But the love and caring that all of you have provided this past year have given us the encouragement to stay the course.

We THANK you all

We will continue to post and we ask your continued support with liking, sharing and commenting. If there are topics you would like to discuss, pictures you would like to share, stories you would like to tell or questions you would like feedback on, please do so. We, and all at sISTA gIRLS, are here for you. We are dedicated and committed to encouraging the growth of strong women and their dreams through healthy, supportive, loving female friendships.

sISTA gIRLS

sISTA gIRLS are

our female friends

our friends forever

and cherished people.

We carry each other 

warmly in our hearts

wherever we go on 

our journey in this life

They are unforgettable.

They are fun-loving, 

warmhearted, strong, 

powerful and yet vulnerable

They are the women we

dream with and plan with

the women we share 

our present and our futures with

They accept us as we are

encourage us to become who

we aspire us to be

and support us on our path

Our sISTA gIRLS 

are our anam cara

our race of Joseph

and we are grateful for their 

presence in our lives

life can be good if we let it

spent the weekend in mixed spirits. last year this time my mom was very sick...dying. my brother, sisters and so many others in her life were with us (my daughter, mother and me) for the holiday weekend. we spent the days talking, sharing, eating, taking pictures, drinking, hugging, loving, listening to music, helping and healing. we walked in compassion, kindness and empathy. we were grateful for the opportunity, the time together and each other. it was a good weekend.

this year, my mom is in heaven with so many people that she loves. i am here and i am learning to be me without her. i spent a lot of the weekend thinking "last year this time, i was...". i was not alone and yet at moments i felt alone. it was not bad just sad, it was not painful but disquieting. at one point, i reached out for a hug and it helped.

this weekend i got to spend sometime with younger versions of myself and that was fun. it was an opportunity to see how far i have come or how far i still need to go. i think we don't realize where we are in life unless confronted with it for some reason.  it felt good to discover that, at least in some aspects of my life, i have grown and matured and have some bit of wisdom that i can share.

i cooked, ate out, listened to music, spent time with friends and my daughter, and even got in a little exercise and shopping. it was far more than i had anticipated. it was better than i had anticipated. i didn't get to do everything i wanted but i did far more than i thought i would. today i can look back and smile. it was not last year but it was good and i am grateful.


i think weekends like this past one are important - good memories revisited, a look at my life in the past, a look at who i was and how i have changed and grown. an opportunity to share of myself and my experiences. an opportunity for a hug and a freeing cry. i think i needed all of that and while i don't want every weekend to be like this, it was a good memorial weekend as holiday weekends go.

i hope all of you had a good weekend. i hope that you have lots of good memories to sustain you through hard moments. i hope you are growing and changing and sharing the wisdom of your life with others. i hope you are enjoying your life -eating good food, drinking good stuff, listening to beautiful music, enjoying sunny days, taking chances, laughing, and loving. i hope you are surrounding yourself with beauty and people who love you and whom you love.

i learned something this weekend. well maybe relearned it is more accurate. friends are amazing people. they remind us of who we are when we forget. they guide us on our path when we  misstep. they see the magnificent people we often don't realize we are and love us monumentally when we allow them. it is a beautiful thing to experience and to witness. i did both this weekend. the learning - we must allow the people in our lives, the people who love us the opportunity to share, express and show that love. it matters more than we could ever realize - to them and to us.

i have so much on my heart ... but ... well... let's just say....be happy, be grateful, stand tall, let go and appreciate each moment. and... while you're doing all of that... REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!!!

shedding my security blankets

Anything in your life that's acting as a security blanket is only smothering the person you were born to be. ~ Mandy Hale

i am not sure how i feel about that quote... 

I ENCOURAGE YOUR COMMENTS, PLEASE...

I have a tendency to be a leaner. i can't say i have always been that way. i'd say it's been more of a progression to leaning. a lot of things have happened in my life that have taken my life from mundane to interesting....but not in a good way. I and those who have shared my life journey...we have needed to support one another and to lean on one another for strength.and so, over time, as more things happened i became a leaner. not on everyone mind you; just those who have offered me their shoulder.

but, even those who shared my life journey, who offered me their shoulder, had their own lives to live. those lives took them out into the world on a daily basis - their lives, beyond me, were full of interaction with others and meeting and greeting and sharing. mine kept me in the same places, doing a lot of the same things...and home. not complaining mind you. i chose my life and i am happy with my choices. just sayin...explainin  i didn't have to worry about the world beyond my life because i had very little interaction with it. i lived it vicariously through my friends. and they allowed it because they knew i needed tol ean on them and they let me.

however, now that i have a chance to move on and get out into the world, i find it is hard to move beyond the life i have become accustomed to. i believe that the life and those who were my life-line during times when i needed that support have become my security blanket; the thing i hold on to because i don't know what is out there in the world for me. in a sense i have allowed them to help me fold my wings away so effectively that i have forgotten not only how to fly but that i CAN fly. i have allowed the situation to smother who i am. i put aside the me i could be to be the me i needed to be at the time to do the things i needed to do and now that i can be the me i put aside i have forgotten how.

things and people don't become security blankets by their choice. we make them our security blankets. i did. i leaned on the situation and certain people for the support i needed to get through things. i became so enmeshed in my life situation that i forgot there is a me beyond my circumstance. i made the circumstance me. i made the people who were there to support me my security blanket. i need to learn to let them go so they can return to their rightful place as friend or family member or colleague or whatever ..... and for all of you like me, you need to do the same.

by learning to lean on me, trust me, look to me, i become my own security blanket which i can throw off or put on as needed while still allowing my friends and family to be my friends and family. this is clearly not an easy task. but it is a necessary one if i am to discover who i am and what i am to do. it also allows my friends to fully be my friends...people i laugh with, have good times with and share with while being fully me and allowing them to be fully them; and while supporting who they are and enjoying their support of who i truly am.

so maybe the quote is accurate ...because i let my circumstances and some of the people in my life act as my security blanket, i allowed the circumstance and those people to smother the person i was born to be. well, it is time for me to let go of the circumstance and allow those people to return to their rightful place in my life. a form of letting go (which i stink at). once i have done that, i will open the windows and doors of my life to let fresh, new, clean air in....to let spring in with all its hope and promise of possibility.

and all of you who are like me...should do the same. let go of your security blanket, move on with your life, discover who you are, be the best you can be, take care of you yourself and feel good. 

as i write these words, i feel good....i know this is going to be a good year for me, how does that song go...

 it is a new dawn

it is a new day

it is a new life...for me

and i'm feelin' good

my journey

"Practice the power of Intention, it is the power of love. It asks nothing of anyone, it judges no one, and it encourages others to be free to be themselves." ~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

I am GRaTeFuL today that...as I journey... I am Awake. Alive. Blessed. Grateful and Loved. 

 According to Louise L. Hay, "I am the gardener of my mind. I remove all the weeds and plant positive new ideas in their place."

So ... here are the new ideas I am planting. well, they are not new actually but since it is a bright, beautiful spring day, i thought i would pull out the weeds that have begun to grow and choke the good and re-seed my soil with some positive ideas. reinforcement is always a good thing -when it is something positive.

It is my life to live, my path to walk, my song to sing, my dance to perform, my soul to feed, my journey to take, my freedom to find, my happiness to enjoy. And… they are my mistakes to make, my blessings to appreciate, my miracles to see, my wings to spread.

When I accept my truths and all they stand for…when I live as me and accept who I am, I am allowing my inner spirit to shine forth and guide my feet. I am allowing my truth  to be rise to surfeit, my beauty to be revealed.


But, I must do this everyday. I must make the effort to be me and live my life every day. Every day it is a choice. Everyday I must choose to walk this way

my affirmation...

Today will be a good day. 

I am going to enjoy prosperity, abundance, success, creativity, happiness and love. 

I am enjoying the giving and receiving of these with open arms, eyes and heart. 

It is good and all is well with my soul.

"It is all about the journey, not the outcome." Carl Lewis

a "friendship"-type quote i DON'T agree with

I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff. – Jon Katz

the first time i saw this quote, i agreed with it. i checked like and moved on. but something told me to go back and read it again. i scrolled back up and read it. when i finished i unchecked like. i saved the quote and knew i would have to address it at some point. that point is today.

i do not agree with this statement! i have had some really bad times in my life but i have never had to endure them alone. in fact, the only times i have ever endured anything alone have been times of my own choosing. i have people i love and care for and people who love and care for me. i have never willingly let them go through trials alone and they have never let me. they have been an ear, a shoulder, a sounding board, a mirror. they have been a place of solace, a place of comfort, a place of understanding, a place of love and support, a place of safety and security.

i need people in my life. i need friends; friends to share happy times, to help heal wounds and scars, to share laughter and memories, to learn from and with, to teach me and help me grow, to remind me of who i am when i lose my way, and to point out the good in me when i forget. i need friends to have lunch with, party with, try new things with, and watch old movies with. i need friends to laugh at life with, sigh in wonder with, discover new things with, relax with, enjoy life with. that expression...no man is an island exists for a reason as do the countless other quotes that say man cannot survive alone. we need others in our life. we need to love and be loved. we need to be accepted as we are, for who we are. we need friends.

and that is why i do at least agree with the last line of this quote. if you are in my life it is because i value you and want you there. similarly...i hope if you have allowed me to share your life/ your journey with you it is because you value me and want me there. we cant all be friends with everyone. it is just not possible. we can care about people and wish everyone well, we can be kind to everyone, we can have sympathy for another's plight and empathy for those who have gone through similar experiences as us but we cant be friends with everyone.

we may want to but it is physically impossible. but we can share friendships with people we can relate to and understand; we can share friendship with people we have a common bond or interest with; we can share friendship with those we share a special moment with, and with those we can laugh with and learn with. indeed, there are many ways and reasons to become friends, to be friends, to stay friends. life is too short not to be open to the possibility and beauty of friendship.

and so...

 I'VE SURVIVED THE WORST TIMES OF MY LIFE 

BECAUSE OF THE KINDNESS, LOVE AND SUPPORT OF FRIENDS. 

I NEED THEM IN MY LIFE. 

I VALUE THEM AND WANT THEM... 

HERE...IN MY LIFE...SHARING MY JOURNEY!

 I AM GRATEFUL FOR THEM!!

I AM GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS!!!

the GRaNDeST ViSioN of your LiFe

Create the highest, grandest vision possible of your life because you become what you believe. ~ Oprah Winfrey

Sometimes i think something i wrong with me. take this quote for instance. i tried to find a picture of my highest, grandest vision and it was hard to do. i went to a page on Pinterest labeled Glamorous Life and a page labeled The Fabulous Life. the images on these pages were of women in smart outfits carrying designer shopping bags, in fancy cars or hotels. They were stepping into jets, hopping onto helicopters, riding in fancy cars, cruising on luxury liners. they were eating in fancy restaurants, enjoying the eiffel tower, and wearing lots of diamonds. the pictures were appealing and fun to look at. but they were hard to go through. none siad "me." i picked these two pictures because i have an issue with flying i would like to get past and ...well ... i just liked the second picture.

Other than that though, i had no personal stake in any of the pictures.while it would be great to live a rich, lavish, jet-setter life, that is not my idea of a high aspiration. many say i don't aim high enough and so over the years, my imagination of a great life has diminished. maybe that is true. or maybe their perception of a high aspiration is off and not mine. 

I want a home big enough to house all of my treasures. i would love someone to come in twice a week and clean so i wouldn't have to. i would love to have no bills of any kind and enough money to do the things that matter to me without worry - like travel a couple of times a year, eat out every now and then and go to plays,musicals and concerts sometimes. i want time to read and relax without feeling guilty and i want time to write. mostly i want to live a life filled with moments of laughter, peace, happiness and joy and i want to be able to share that life with those i love.

When i say it and when i read it, it sounds boring. there are other things i wouldn't mind. things i keep to myself and pull out when i am alone to smile at. but even those things are not over the top. maybe the issue is that most people don't seem to place emphasis on these things and so they seem minimal when expressed. the truth is a life filled with good food, books and drink, love, art, music, beauty, passion, and laughter is a fun, happy life and a life without them would be dull. still we don't often say these things are what we want when asked what we would want if we could have anything. they usually are not the first things we think of. we usually think of the things we don't have, things we can't afford. our highest vision is usually something beyond our everyday concept.

Does everyone want to live the glamorous, fabulous life? if we all lived it a while, would we then realize it is not all we think it is? i want to wake up to days filled with things to do, things that interest and excite me. i want to go to bed exhausted but fulfilled. i want to sleep deeply and fully and wake refreshed and ready to begin again. i want to always remember to live in gratitude and to walk in kindness. i want to always have time to read, write, exercise, meditate and pray that i might keep my  mind and body healthy and vibrant. i want to spend time with friends; to laugh with them, to share my treasures with them - that we might enrich each others lives. i want to have a healthy, harmonious relationship with my family - that we might love and respect and try to understand each other. i would love a place i could go to for spiritual growth and nourishing; a place i trust and where i feel at home; with people  i trust and respect. i would love a good man to share my life and my self with.  

These are my highest and greatest desires. These are my ultimate visions of the life that would suit me to a tee. but they are not grand, magnificent, over the top. they don't involve fancy cars and boats. they don't require champagne and caviar to be on the menu. they don't specify a designer to wear or an exotic location to travel too. not that i wouldn't mind those things. it is just that they are not part of my highest vision for myself. 

Maybe i am aiming too low. if so, i am okay with that. i like the highest vision i have of my life. it is honest and thinking about it brings a smile to my whole face. what is your highest vision for your life? are you reaching for it? do you keep your focus on it so that you can reach towards it? is it an honest vision? does it make you smile? i hope so. let's all work on making the visions of our lives the reality that we live 

in the meantime...i hope you remember to take care of you

.