Are you ready to step out... be a risk-taker?

just finished reading an old posting of mine from about five years ago. It was me reviewing a conversation I’d had with a friend, and as a result, acknowledging that I had not been upfront and honest about my feelings about dating again, and that I had not been putting myself out there in my relationships. I had not even realized that I had not been doing this. It is ironic because I had a similar conversation with my sister just last month. She said my actions show that I am not open and willing to put myself out there in relationships. And yet, I am much further along than I was five years ago. Once again, although I was sure I was being open and putting myself out there, I was not.  So to hear that what I thought I was thinking and feeling was not consistent with my actions was surprising..

While I could argue and refute these assessments, what would be the point. Better to honestly examine my actions, or lack thereof and see if they are right - do they match where I am emotionally. I did so and I have to admit it. I have unconsciously wrapped my arms so tight around myself, to avoid pain, that I have not allowed myself room to actually step out, trust and take chances. Or, I have stepped out so far and expected so much, I have pushed people away. So whether I’m not in it or I’m pushing too hard, I am clearly self-sabotaging.

In my prior blog, my friend dared me to write about it in my blog. She said a true blog is about the successes and failures of the writer. She said it would not only help me, it might help others. I believed then that she was right (she usually is), and I believe the same today. Back then I took her challenge, and I am again taking her challenge and sharing our conversation. I am acknowledging that although I have repeatedly said I am ready; I have, unbeknown to myself, done everything but take a sincere leap of faith.

Today, in this post, I acknowledge my inability, in the past, to step out in faith, while acknowledging my desire to enter into happy, healthy, loving relationships (of all kinds). I am indeed ready to be open and trusting, and through that, trust the process and take action when opportunities present themselves (and even create possibilities). I am going to be gentle with myself and allow myself to go with the flow of things while being honest with myself about where I want things to end up. I am going forward with open eyes, open arms and an open, trusting heart.

What about the rest of you? Are you ready to step out in faith? Are you ready to trust the process? Are you ready to be open to possibilities? Are you willing to tell someone how you feel (boss, family, friend, lover). Let’s give it a try. You may be glad you did.

Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.

Author Unknown

Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?

Frank Scully

Extending The Hand of Friendship

I ran into an old acquaintance today and it made me think of when we met.it was several years ago, at a friend's place of business. I thought she was very nice and we seemed to have a lot in common. She even lived right across the street from a family member. which meant easy access. I thought it was a good fit. She was new to the neighborhood and asked if we could get together. I said absolutely. I thought it would be fun and I thought we could be friends. But as always happens with me, things got in the way and we never actually hooked up. So when we ran into each other today, we laughed and were very friendly but that spark of potential … of shared intimacy was gone.

 I must admit, as we parted, I felt a twinge of disappointment for what could have been or what might have been. We could have been friends. We could have been “come on over and let’s sit together and have tea “pals; Or better yet … “I’m barbequing, why don’t you stop by” friends.Or even, "Hey, let's do lunch" friends. But we never did. She did invite me over once when she ran into me and I did invite her out once because I ran into her. But that was a long time ago, neither ever happened, and that’s not the same as me dropping by to invite her out or her calling to invite me over just because. And that’s what friends do.

I can’t really blame her and I can’t really blame myself. Life gets in the way. New friendships require more effort than older friendships or at least a different type of effort. The calling and visiting of an older friend is as natural as breathing. Newer friendships or the attempting to become friends takes patience, persistence and remembrance. It is not yet a natural experience. If it doesn't happen when opportunity is knocking, sometimes it just never happens.

I must admit, sometimes when I see her, I am tempted to say “let’s meet and do lunch or dinner”. But it is years later. She may say no and not suggest we try another time. She may ask me “why” and I will feel uncomfortable. She might say yes and we discover we are not compatible. In the end, I am a coward when it comes to making friends....especially at this late stage in the game. But, I know that fear is a choice and I can choose to ignore the emotion and opt for a better way. I can extend the hand of friendship.  Who knows where the gesture might lead.

The next time I see her, I am going to push past the fear and invite her out. She may say no but she might say yes. Whatever she says, I will be proud of myself for taking the time and making the effort. I will release the past – not making the effort. I will not anticipate the future – that maybe she will say no or that it will be terrible. I will make the conscious choice to take a leap of loving faith by staying focused on the present –that I am content with this choice.

How many of you out there know someone you think you might want to be friends with? Next time you see him or her, extend the hand of friendship. Suggest coffee, or lunch, or drinks. She may belong to The Race That Knows Joseph. She may eventually become an Anam Cara friend. If so, you will have made a good choice. If not, at least you gave it your best effort and you have overcome a fear; which is something you should be proud of.

I am willing to give it a go. Let’s do it together. Okay sISTA gIRLS. It might be great!

what i really learned about friendship in high school

I was thinking about what to write the other day and I remembered this girl I went to high school with. She blew through a bunch of us girls like wind on a wintry day and then one day we looked up and she was gone leaving a path of destruction like I had never seen before and have not seen often since.

She started with the oldest of us and ticked us off one by one, pitting us against one another, challenging our friendship with each other. I was the youngest of the group. When it was my turn, I was unprepared for her special brand of magnetism and attraction. I fell and I fell hard.

She was tall and slim. She had a head full of jet black hair, wore huge, black rimmed glasses and talked a mile a minute. She laughed a lot, had a smile that lit a room, and leaned her head in real close when she had something to tell you and looked you right in the eye when you were sharing something with her. She made you feel special and everyone wanted to be friends with her. At least in the beginning.

I still remember the day she decided she wanted to be my friend. She sought me out in the cafeteria and sat next to me, pulling her chair close to mine. She said she had been trying for a while to be friends with me but I was so popular she thought I would not want her for a friend. She was smooth and while her statement was not true, it sure made me feel good. I knew who she was. I knew all the people she had been friends with and since I did not know how those had ended (until later), I was honored she wanted to talk to me.

It lasted a week. We walked to classes together, sat together at lunch and talked on the telephone at home. She made me feel special. She said she had never had a friend like me, she only wanted me and we would be best friends forever. I was super happy and forgot all about my other friends … all for her. And it was wonderful. We were best friends forever … well … for one week … my week. And then she moved on.

My friends saw us together and tried to warn me about her. I paid them no mind. They were jealous of us, of the fact that she wanted to be my friend and mine alone. My friends gave up and let me go with a smile of understanding. I gloated about my luck but they knew I would be back.

They were right. She was not a real friend; she was not my real friend. Heck, she was not a friend at all … much less a real friend. At the end of my week I waited for her at our spot and she was not there, After each class, I looked for her but she was not there. At lunch I looked for her and she was not there. Feeling lonely, I went to sit with the friends I had abandoned for my new best friend. They welcomed me as though nothing had happened and I was grateful. While we laughed together, my “best friend” showed up with her new best friend and totally ignored me. She acted as though I didn't exist and my heart was crushed. Everyone at the table was polite to her but did not invite her to join us.  She flounced away from us without a care, laughing together with her new best friend.

When she left I was broken-hearted. But my actual friends felt for me and told me how she had tried to do the same with each one of them with mixed success. The older girls had not trusted her. She had worked her magic on us younger girls. As I listened to them, I learned valuable friend information that day. It still works today.

      True friends spend time with others as well as each other because they know that more friends means more fun

      True friends are not jealous of other friends because true friendship lasts

      Spending all your time with one person, only, is not healthy … there is sooo much out there to enjoy

      If someone drops a friend to be with you, they’ll drop you to be friends with someone else.

      Don’t turn your back on your true friends or take them for granted, it hurts. But if you do, true friends will understand and forgive … and take you back.

I still follow these today.

SO … thanks to all my high school sISTA gIRLS. I still love ya!

"What, you too" friends

this is the last throw-back. if you enjoy it and have the time...please check out some of our very first posts...and share us with others. And thank you for taking this friendship journey with us.

Friendship is one big conversation. We talk on the phone, in each other's home, over dinner, over drinks, in school, at work. In the beginning of a friendship we try to find areas where we agree. But as we go along and begin to trust each other we learn that disagreeing is okay and will not dissolve a friendship that is true.

C.S. Lewis describes this the best ... “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." 

... It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision - it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I am never sure which is better, spending time with acquaintances and discovering a friendship or spending time in the beauty of a friendship that has lasted a lifetime.Just as there is something to be said for the new dress you put on in anticipation of the day and the reactions you will get, there is the comfort that slides over you as you put on your favorite robe and curl up with a good book. Each has its unique delight. 

Still, most times when we talk about friendships, we talk about the lasting ones. So, today, instead ... we will honor new friendships. Specifically the "you too" moment when you realize you can indeed be friends.

She, being friendless and feeling alone.

Choose this day to explore.

Casting care to the wind,

She set out walking.

She eventually found herself in a park

Birds were singing, couples were strolling

The sun was shining

 But shadows were lengthening

A mime was performing

All in white, even his face

A performer, dressed all in blue,

 Was singing a sad song … beautifully

She stopped to watch and listen.

Then, caught up in the beauty of the moment,

And much to her surprise,

She began to cry.

Embarrassed, she looked around

The woman standing next to her,

Was offering her a tissue.

“Would you like a hankie?”

‘Thank you for your kindness”

She smiled as she reached for the tissue.

Surprised by the kindness,

She looked up at the gifter.

What she saw took her aback

For the woman was also crying

“You too …” she said, a smile breaking thru

And in that moment a friendship was born

friendship is love

Friendship is the last vestige of love

Where souls meet and greet in comfort

Where acceptance reigns supreme

Where barriers crumble down

And acceptance flows

Like fall’s high tide

On a cool

Windy

Day

I read a book last year on love. The author included a list of questions to ask yourself on love and your relationship to love. The last question was: do you think love is growing or disappearing in the world. I asked a lot of people this question because I believed most saw the world as I did - full of loving people, daily growing in love. Imagine my surprise when most said there is less love in this world and that what there is of it is slipping steadily away.

I wonder how that can be possible when we as a people are made from love, when the world is filled daily with examples of love, when that which gives us life and lets us live and move and be is the highest love and we are all from that source of love. Nevertheless, that ... it seems ... is where many people reside; they anticipate there is no love and then wait to be proven right.

But those of us with friendships can change that.  Friendship is the last vestige of love. When we enter into a friendship, we create a source of love. When we do things together, spend time together; that source of love expands. And as our friendships grow, the source of love grows. 

Those of us with true, lasting, Anam Cara friendships give the world an energy boost of high love. That energy boost serves as a way to fill the world with love faster and wider. Why? It takes love to find love. Friendship is a willingness to open one's heart and soul to another. By opening our hearts and souls to our friends we prepare ourselves to open our hearts and souls to the world.

Imagine a world filled with people who have open hearts and souls. That is a world filled with love. It can happen. Love can increase in this world by increasing in us. So, let's all be grateful for our friends, for friendships. They are a source of this world's love, and an avenue to a world filled with loving people.

And like the water's of the ocean, may our friendships always ebb and flow in union with the highest source of love; bringing love to the shores of the hearts of all. Let's all go make friends.

another favorite friendship story

this is one of my favorite friendship stories. it touches on love, support, help, sadness, recovery, compassion and kindness. i hope you enjoy it and that it touches your heart as it did mine...

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books, and I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran right up to him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.

Then he looked up, and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get a life.”

He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!”

He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class and I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.

On Graduation Day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one), and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

“Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach… but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met . He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker, so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later, and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

“Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.” I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

planting the seed of friendship

“I will be generous with my love today. I will sprinkle compliments and uplifting words everywhere I go. I will do this knowing that my words are like seeds and when they fall on fertile soil, a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater.” 
-- Steve Maraboli –

Love this quote … but I was thinking … perhaps it should say …

“I will make a friend today” instead of “I will be generous with my love …” because making a friend is being generous with my love.

Making a friend is a rewarding experience. But it is a choice and does require work.

It is not arrogance that says I am being generous. It is honesty.  Friendships are indeed like seeds. After being planted, if you want them to thrive and flourish, they must be nurtured. They must be planted inthe right soil.They need lots of fun, sufficient amounts of water and a bit of furtilizer. Not enough of these ingredients and they die from lack of sufficient supplies. Too much of these supplies and they die from excessive indulgence. So it is with friendship. it must be cultivated and cared for. It is a fine balance we walk between not enough and too much. 

Similarly, when you choose to try to become friends with me, you are being generous with your love. It is a choice that can be quite rewarding.

So, today let’s all be generous with our love … let’s go make a friend. 

Oh ... and share some of this love ... spread the word about the blog so we too can make new friend ...while keeping the ones we already have, of course. 

Much love to all of you ... and ... have a great day!!!!!!

What! You too!!!

Friendship is one big conversation. We talk on the phone, in each other's home, over dinner, over drinks, in school, at work. In the beginning of a friendship we try to find areas where we agree. But as we go along and begin to trust each other we learn that disagreeing is okay and will not dissolve a friendship that is true.

C.S. Lewis describes this the best ... “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." 

... It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision - it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I am never sure which is better, spending time with acquaintances and discovering a friendship or spending time in the beauty of a friendship that has lasted a lifetime.Just as there is something to be said for the new dress you put on in anticipation of the day and the reactions you will get, there is the comfort that slides over you as you put on your favorite robe and curl up with a good book. Each has its unique delight. 

Still, most times when we talk about friendships, we talk about the lasting ones. So, today,we will honour new friendships. Specifically the "you too" moment when you realize you can indeed be friends.

She, being friendless and feeling alone.

Choose this day to explore.

Casting care to the wind,

She set out walking.

She eventually found herself in a park

Birds were singing, couples were strolling

The sun was shining

 Though shadows were lengthening

A mime was performing

In black and white, even her face

A performer, dressed all in blue,

 Was singing a sad song … beautifully

She stopped to watch and listen.

Then, caught up in the beauty of the moment,

And much to her surprise,

She began to cry.

Embarrassed, she looked around

The woman standing next to her,

Was offering her a tissue.

“Would you like one?”

‘Thank you for your kindness”

She smiled as she reached for the tissue.

Surprised by the compassion,

She looked up at the gifter.

What she saw took her aback

For the woman was also crying

“You too …” she said, a smile breaking thru

And in that moment a friendship was born

making friends -- jumping in

I ran into an old acquaintance today. I remember when we met. I thought she was very nice and we seemed to have a lot in common. She even lived right across the street from a family member. I thought it was a good fit. She was new to the neighborhood and asked if we could get together. I said absolutely. I thought it would be fun and I thought we could be friends. But as always happens with me, things got in the way and we never actually hooked up. So when we ran into each other today, we laughed and were very friendly but that spark of potential … of shared intimacy was gone.

 I felt a twinge of disappointment as we parted for what could have been or what might have been. We could have been friends. We could have been “come on over and let’s sit together and have tea “pals; Or better yet … “I’m barbequing, why don’t you stop by” friends. But we didn’t. She did invite me over once when she ran into me and I invited her out once because I ran into her. But that was a long time ago and that’s not the same as me dropping by to invite her out or her calling to invite me over just because. And that’s what friends do.

I can’t really blame her and I can’t really blame me. Life gets in the way. New friendships require more effort than older friendships or at least a different type of effort. The calling and visiting of an older friend is as natural as breathing. Newer friendships or the attempting to become friends takes patience, persistence and remembrance. It is not yet a natural experience. If it doesn’t happen when opportunity is knocking, sometimes it just never happens.

I must admit, sometimes when I see her, I am tempted to say “let’s meet and do lunch or dinner”. But it is years later. She may say no and not suggest we try another time. She may ask me “why” and I will feel uncomfortable. I am a coward. But, I know that fear is a choice and I can choose to ignore the emotion and opt for a better way. I can extend the hand of friendship.  Who know where the gesture can lead.

The next time I see her, I am going to push past the fear and invite her out. She may say no but she might say yes. Whatever she says, I will be proud of myself for taking the time and making the effort. I will release the past – not making the effort. I will not anticipate the future – that maybe she will say no. I will make the conscious choice to take a leap of loving faith by staying focused on the present –that I am content with this choice.

How many of you out there know someone you think you might want to be friends with? Next time you see him or her, extend the hand of friendship. Suggest coffee, or lunch, or drinks. She may belong to The Race That Knows Joseph. She may eventually become an Anam Cara friend. If so, you will have made a good choice. If not, at least you gave it your best effort and you have overcome a fear; which is something you should be proud of.

I am willing to give it a go. Let’s do it together. Okay sISTA gIRLS. It might be great!  U.O.E.N.O.!!!!  LOL!!!