"What, you too" friends

this is the last throw-back. if you enjoy it and have the time...please check out some of our very first posts...and share us with others. And thank you for taking this friendship journey with us.

Friendship is one big conversation. We talk on the phone, in each other's home, over dinner, over drinks, in school, at work. In the beginning of a friendship we try to find areas where we agree. But as we go along and begin to trust each other we learn that disagreeing is okay and will not dissolve a friendship that is true.

C.S. Lewis describes this the best ... “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." 

... It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision - it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I am never sure which is better, spending time with acquaintances and discovering a friendship or spending time in the beauty of a friendship that has lasted a lifetime.Just as there is something to be said for the new dress you put on in anticipation of the day and the reactions you will get, there is the comfort that slides over you as you put on your favorite robe and curl up with a good book. Each has its unique delight. 

Still, most times when we talk about friendships, we talk about the lasting ones. So, today, instead ... we will honor new friendships. Specifically the "you too" moment when you realize you can indeed be friends.

She, being friendless and feeling alone.

Choose this day to explore.

Casting care to the wind,

She set out walking.

She eventually found herself in a park

Birds were singing, couples were strolling

The sun was shining

 But shadows were lengthening

A mime was performing

All in white, even his face

A performer, dressed all in blue,

 Was singing a sad song … beautifully

She stopped to watch and listen.

Then, caught up in the beauty of the moment,

And much to her surprise,

She began to cry.

Embarrassed, she looked around

The woman standing next to her,

Was offering her a tissue.

“Would you like a hankie?”

‘Thank you for your kindness”

She smiled as she reached for the tissue.

Surprised by the kindness,

She looked up at the gifter.

What she saw took her aback

For the woman was also crying

“You too …” she said, a smile breaking thru

And in that moment a friendship was born

a short sISTA gIRL story shared

this has been sort of a throwback week. i have been updating some very old posts that few people read because it was at the beginning of our journey together, here is another. but, when you get a minute, please read some of the older blogs. they were pretty interesting.

“She is a friend of mind. 

She gather me, man.

 The pieces I am, 

she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order.

 It’s good, you know,

 when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind. “

 - Toni Morrison -

A little while back i got into a bit of a situation because I was, as usual, preoccupied. The situation became a problem for me but I was reluctant to share my story, even with my sISTA gIRL. It took me a while, but eventually I told her of my situation. My sISTA gIRL did what she does best. she did not condemn me and, did not blame me. She also did not get mad at me for taking so long to tell her. Instead, she jumped into action, doing what she could to help me out of the jam I had gotten myself into.

She knew I already felt bad about the situation and while I did tell her I will do my best to make sure I don't get in such a jam again, she just listened and acted. Now this is not to say she won't let me know when I have messed up because she will; but she knows when it is okay to judge, criticize and teach and when it is time to just be there. This was one of those times I needed her to just be there and she was. Rest assured... I would do the same for her (and have).

We are more than just kindred spirits; we belong to the Race of Joseph. We are Anam Cara friends and I am grateful for her presence in my life. She is indeed a sISTA gIRL!

Share with us your sISTA gIRL stories.

-- photograph by Rodney Smith --

another favorite friendship story

this is one of my favorite friendship stories. it touches on love, support, help, sadness, recovery, compassion and kindness. i hope you enjoy it and that it touches your heart as it did mine...

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books, and I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran right up to him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.

Then he looked up, and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get a life.”

He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!”

He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class and I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.

On Graduation Day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one), and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

“Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach… but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met . He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker, so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later, and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

“Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.” I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

I Can See Your Scars… or …When Friendship Becomes Real

I met a friend the other day for lunch. We had been friends for years but because of our lives, didn’t get to see each other often.  We had planned this a while ago though and I was excited to see her.  She was different from most of my friends and that was one reason why my seeing her was a special treat. When she spent time with you, she gave you her undivided attention.  When you were with her, the rest of the world seemed to fade away.  When she looked at you, it felt as if she saw your soul, when she listened it was with her whole self, when she spoke she took her time and though she spoke hesitantly and softly, when she spoke she said much with few words. She was thoughtful, kind, insightful and full of love.

My only complaint was she wanted you to share with her but she was not so quick to share herself. When asked questions about herself or her life, she would ponder long before answering and she didn't say much.  I often got the feeling she felt that she could not share because there was so much more to her than I realized and that I could not handle her answers.

On the day we met for lunch, we had a breakthrough in our friendship. We had finished eating, I had, as usual, told her all about me and my life. But for a change, it was not a long, drawn out conversation. I was in a good place in my life and was grateful for my blessings. I was also learning to listen in the spaces in between conversations and see in the midst of shadows.  I had asked her about her and her life and though she shared, I, for a change, knew there was more. But I also knew she would tell me when she was ready. I sensed that she was feeling out whether she could talk to me. I did not push.

We finished our meal and were lingering over coffee when it happened. It was peaceful as we sipped our drinks and I enjoyed the silence that enveloped us. I looked up at her to comment on the beauty of the afternoon spent with her when I noticed it. Although her head was down, I could see inside her. She appeared as a porcelain doll with scars on her hands and face and arms. I was taken aback at first. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I opened my eyes and looked again. The image had begun to blur but I could still see the vestiges of the scars on her body.

I stared at her in amazement. Maybe that is why she could not talk, could not share, she had been emotionally scarred and was seeking someone who did not need her to help them but who could listen to and help her. I looked at her intently and as I watched, her soul blossomed for me. I looked intently and again I saw her scars.

 When she finally looked up at me I saw traces of the scars on her face. I could not help myself. Slowly I asked, “are those scars I see on your soul?”

“Yes they are,” she sighed.

“From where did you get them?” I queried, saddened that she had been unable to share this with me before.

“From a battle I waged.” She answered this in a louder voice, a voice tinged with satisfaction and a tiny hint of pleasure.

Fascinated I asked, “With whom did you battle?” Imagine my surprise and understanding when she slowly said…

“…with myself.”

thank you to the FB page that posted a bit of this. it resonated with me and i turned it into my own. again ... thank you

a friendship story

Paulo Coehlo is a Brazilian lyricist and novelist. He is one of the most widely read authors in the world today and has written over thirty books. The Alchemist," easily his most successful story, is a story about a young shepherd who follows his spiritual journey to the Egyptian pyramids in search of a treasure. Most readers consider his books inspiring and life changing. 

My daughter read The Alchemist some years ago. She enjoyed the book so much she has gone on to read several others by him and has been at me to read some of his works. But for some reason I have never been interested in reading a book by him. But, he is popular and I like spiritual books. I have finally gave in and decided to read one of his books. While trying to decide which of his books I would read first, I came across his blog and this friendship story. I liked it and thought I would share it with you. I hope you like it as well.

Friendship

by Paulo Coehlo

Once upon a time there was a poor but very brave man called Ali. He worked for Ammar, a rich old merchant.

One winter’s night Ammar said: “nobody can spend a night like this on top of the mountain without a blanket or food. But you need money, and if you can manage to do that you will receive a great reward. If you don’t, you will work for thirty days without pay”.

Ali answered: “tomorrow I shall do this test”.

But when he left the shop, he saw that a really icy wind was blowing and became scared, so he decided to ask his best friend, Aydi, if it was crazy of him to accept that bet.

After reflecting a while, Aydi answered: “I shall help you. Tomorrow, when you are at the top of the mountain, look ahead. I will be on the top of the mountain next to yours, where I will spend the whole night with a bonfire lit for you. You look at the fire and think about our friendship – that will keep you warm. You will manage, and later on I shall ask you something in return.”

Ali won the test, got the money, and went to his friend’s house: “You told me you wanted some payment.”

Aydi answered: ”Yes, but it isn't money. Promise that if at any time a cold wind passes through my life, you will light the fire of friendship for me.”

what i learned in high school

I was thinking about what to write the other day and I remembered this girl I went to high school with. She blew through a bunch of us girls like wind on a wintry day and then one day we looked up and she was gone leaving a path of destruction like I had never seen before and have not often seen since.

She started with the oldest of us and ticked us off one by one, pitting us against one another, challenging our friendship with each other. I was the youngest of the group. When it was my turn, I was unprepared for her special brand of magnetism and attraction. I fell and I fell hard.

She was tall and slim. She had a head full of jet black hair, wore huge, black rimmed glasses and talked a mile a minute. She laughed a lot, had a smile that lit a room, and leaned her head in real close when she had something to tell you and looked you right in the eye when you were sharing something with her. She made you feel special and everyone wanted to be friends with her. At least in the beginning.

I still remember the day she decided she wanted to be my friend. She sought me out in the cafeteria and sat next to me, pulling her chair close to mine. She said she had been trying for a while to be friends with me but I was so popular she thought I would not want her for a friend. She was smooth and while her statement was not true, it sure made me feel good. I knew who she was. I knew all the people she had been friends with and since I did not know how those had ended (until later), I was honored she wanted to talk to me.

It lasted a week. We walked to classes together, sat together at lunch and talked on the telephone at home. She made me feel special. She said she had never had a friend like me, she only wanted me and we would be best friends forever. I was super happy and forgot all about my other friends … all for her. And it was wonderful. We were best friends forever … well … for one week … my week. And then she moved on.

My friends saw us together and tried to warn me about her. I paid them no mind. They were jealous of us, of the fact that she wanted to be my friend and mine alone. My friends gave up and let me go with a smile of understanding. I gloated about my luck but they knew I would be back.

They were right. She was not a real friend; she was not my real friend. Heck, she was not a friend at all … much less a real friend. At the end of my week I waited for her at our spot and she was not there, After each class, I looked for her but she was not there. At lunch I looked for her and she was not there. Feeling lonely, I went to sit with the friends I had abandoned for my new best friend. They welcomed me as though nothing had happened and I was grateful. While we laughed together, my “best friend” showed up with her new best friend and totally ignored me. She acted as though I didn't exist and my heart was crushed. Everyone at the table was polite to her but did not invite her to join us.  She flounced away from us without a care, laughing together with her new best friend.

When she left I was broken-hearted. But my actual friends felt for me and told me how she had tried to do the same with each one of them with mixed success. The older girls had not trusted her. She had worked her magic on us younger girls. As I listened to them, I learned valuable friend information that day. It still works today.

      True friends spend time with others as well as each other because they know that more friends means more fun

      True friends are not jealous of other friends because true friendship lasts

      Spending all your time with one person, only, is not healthy … there is sooo much out there to enjoy

      If someone drops a friend to be with you, they’ll drop you to be friends with someone else.

      Don’t turn your back on your true friends or take them for granted, it hurts. But if you do, true friends will understand and forgive … and take you back.

I still follow these today.

SO … thanks to all my high school sISTA gIRLS. I still love ya!

Rainy Day Memories

It's been raining since last night and is supposed to continue until tomorrow afternoon. we are supposedly in the midst of two separate tropical storms that are going to collide later this afternoon. i like storms ... so long as I am not out in them driving. I have lots of 

memories of wonderful things i have done in storms. i think of them on days like this.

I remember this one birthday my girlfriend had. She was turning twenty-something … an early twenty number I can’t remember. A bunch of us, all friends, decided to take her to the city (Manhattan) for a birthday lunch. I can’t remember where we ate; but I remember how much fun we had. This was back in the early eighties when going to the city was a big deal. It meant getting dressed in a nice outfit and being on your best behavior. It was such a special occasion; we ordered drinks with our meal. I think we each had two and came away from the restaurant a little tipsy.

 When we left it was still early; the sun was just beginning to set. It was a cool spring day and we were all in a great mood; trying to decide where we would go next. As we walked and talked, it started to rain. We all started talking at once about the movie Singing in the Rain and the scene in which Gene Kelly actually dances in the rain with an umbrella. One of my girlfriends spots a lamppost and dares me to dance as Gene did. Why me? Well, I had taken dance lessons and tap lessons for years so if any one of us was going to do it, it would have to be me. “Okay.” I agreed, but only if they joined me.

Then there, in the middle of a block in Manhattan, I, followed by my friends, opened my umbrella and began singing and dancing in the rain. What a blast that was! I can still picture us laughing and dancing and jumping around, and laughing some more! Now some of you may say … “only in New York” but I say … “only with friends”. The best part of this memory … the women I danced with that day are still my friends today. We have been through a lot but we still know how to dance and sing in the rain.

Do you have a favorite rain memory. Share it with us.

I knew you would come

Last night I had a chance to get together with a few of my “known you forever” sista girls. We ate and drank and reminisced. We have come to realize, now that we have gotten older, that several of our favorite past memories are really about the quality of our friendship. I would like to share one with all of you.

Many years ago, I threw a house get-together and invited old friends and a few acquaintances. Almost everyone that was invited brought a date. As the evening progressed, one of my girlfriends got into it with her boyfriend. He took the argument to a deeper level than she realized and said he was ready to leave the party. She said fine and they left.

Once in the car, they continued the argument and argued the whole way to her house. They argued as he pulled up to her house, argued as she searched for and found her keys, they argued in her home. Eventually, they ran out of words. When there was nothing left to say, he said “I am done” and stormed out her house for good. She broke down and cried. As she cried she had a coughing fit, choked and slipped and fell. As she fell, she hit head on the bed post. Overwhelmed with sadness and pain, she called us at the party.

We, the two of us who were her sISTA gIRLS, dropped everything and flew from the party to her side. Our men knew how we rolled and understood. My friends knew how I dealt with situations and understood. One new acquaintance wanted to be friends with us (she liked our swag) and asked if she could come “maybe I can help”. She came

We got to our friend’s home, found the front door unlocked and searched the house for her. When we found her, she was slightly intoxicated, her face was streaked with make-up and there was a huge knot on her head. When she saw us her face lit up.  What she said, I think, defines our friendship and all true friendships. “He left me and I fell and hurt myself but I knew you would come.”

She knew we would come. And through the years, we have all gone through things and we have always “come” to the rescue. Whether we came with a shoulder, an ear, a bit of advice, a little laughter, a bed or whatever we had or could do to help, we came. We have seen each other through major and minor situations by dealing with them together. That is what friendship is all about; knowing that if and when you call to me for help, I as your friend will come!!!

Today, reach out to a friend, extend a hand to an acquaintance. You may make a difference. 

What! You too!!!

Friendship is one big conversation. We talk on the phone, in each other's home, over dinner, over drinks, in school, at work. In the beginning of a friendship we try to find areas where we agree. But as we go along and begin to trust each other we learn that disagreeing is okay and will not dissolve a friendship that is true.

C.S. Lewis describes this the best ... “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." 

... It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision - it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I am never sure which is better, spending time with acquaintances and discovering a friendship or spending time in the beauty of a friendship that has lasted a lifetime.Just as there is something to be said for the new dress you put on in anticipation of the day and the reactions you will get, there is the comfort that slides over you as you put on your favorite robe and curl up with a good book. Each has its unique delight. 

Still, most times when we talk about friendships, we talk about the lasting ones. So, today,we will honour new friendships. Specifically the "you too" moment when you realize you can indeed be friends.

She, being friendless and feeling alone.

Choose this day to explore.

Casting care to the wind,

She set out walking.

She eventually found herself in a park

Birds were singing, couples were strolling

The sun was shining

 Though shadows were lengthening

A mime was performing

In black and white, even her face

A performer, dressed all in blue,

 Was singing a sad song … beautifully

She stopped to watch and listen.

Then, caught up in the beauty of the moment,

And much to her surprise,

She began to cry.

Embarrassed, she looked around

The woman standing next to her,

Was offering her a tissue.

“Would you like one?”

‘Thank you for your kindness”

She smiled as she reached for the tissue.

Surprised by the compassion,

She looked up at the gifter.

What she saw took her aback

For the woman was also crying

“You too …” she said, a smile breaking thru

And in that moment a friendship was born

she gather me

  

“She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It’s good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind. “ - Toni Morrison -

A little while back i got into a bit of a situation because I was, as usual, preoccupied. The situation became a problem for me but I was reluctant to share my story, even with my sISTA gIRL. It took me a while but eventually I told her of my situation. My sISTA gIRL did what she does best. she did not condemn mE and, did not blame me. She also did not get mad at me for taking so long to tell her. Instead, she jumped into action, doing what she could to help me out of the jam I had gotten myself into.

She knew I already felt bad about the situation and while I did tell her I will do my best to make sure I don't get in such a jam again, she just listened and acted. Now this is not to say she won't let me know when I have messed up because she will. but she knows when it is okay to judge, criticize and teach and when it is time to just be there. This was one of those times I needed her to just be there and she was. Rest assured I have done, and would and will do the same for her

 We are more than just kindred spirits; we belong to the Race of Joseph. We are Anam Cara friends and I am grateful for her presence in my life. She is indeed a sISTA gIRL!

Share with us your sISTA gIRL stories.