So I learned this GREAT word yesterday - QUERENCIA. It was defined
as “a place from which one’s strength is drawn; where one feels at home; the
place where you are your most authentic self”. I thought it was Spanish and so
I looked it up in the Merriam –Webster Dictionary to see how Americans defined
the word. It said “an area in the
arena taken by the bull for a defensive stand in a bullfight”. Not quite the
same definition.
When I read the American definition, I wondered
at the difference. Was it a difference in perception, a difference in nuance,
or a difference in culture? I searched online and found a site that defined the
word from a Spanish perspective. It said…” In Spain, it is the place in the ring where the wounded
bull goes to renew his strength and center himself, ready for a fresh charge…a
place in which we know exactly who we are; the place from which we speak our
deepest beliefs.”
I like this definition and thought –what a wonderful concept. It
defines that which we, as Americans have no word for. In fact, the author goes on to further define
the word. She says… “In Spanish, “querencia” describes a place where one feels
safe, a place from which one’s strength of character is drawn, a place where
one feels at home. It comes from the verb “quere”, which means to desire, to
want.”
I love that. She goes even further in her explanation of the word.
She speaks about the bull in the fight and what happens to the bull once he
gets wounded. She continues, “The wounded bull retreated to a spot to the left
of the gate through which he had entered, to rest, it seemed. He had found his
querencia: a place where he felt safe and was therefore at his most dangerous.
The matador tries not to let the bull find this place, because it increases the
danger to himself. For the bull, it is a place where he believes he can survive
this unfair game. Unfortunately and cruelly, he almost never does. It is said
that if the same bull were to fight more than once in the ring, every matador
would die; once an animal learns the game and stands in his power, he cannot be
defeated.”
I understand why we don’t have a comparable word in the American
language; we do not have bull fights. But for many of us, life is a bullfight
and we are the bull. Thankfully, we do not die every time we step into the ring
of life. Thankfully, most of us have a querencia to go to. A place where we can
lick our wounds, heal and come out fighting once again. A place where we can
process what we have learned so we don’t continue to make the same mistakes. A
place where we can regroup, refocus and gain a proper perspective. A place from
which we, like the bull, can finally learn the game of life and then stand in
our power confident we can never be defeated.
So I am grateful for having
learned this word. It defines that which we, as Americans have no word for. It
is the place where we renew and strengthen ourselves. It is the thing that
helps us feel safe. It is the person, or people with whom we feel at home. For indeed, we know with whom and where we
feel most at home. Our bodies tell us, if we listen. There are certain seasons
during which we feel more at ease, certain things we rely on to center us and
keep us at ease, certain times of day when we feel safe and more relaxed, certain
climates, certain foods…even the clothes we wear help us feel more at home.
In learning this word, I realize I have also found a new way to
describe the friends with whom I feel at home, the friends with whom I can be
my most authentic me, the friends I go to when I have been broken to help me
pick up and glue back my pieces. They are my querencia. It is good to know when
the world is a bull fight and someone has waved the red flag, if I come out
charging but lose the battle, they will be there to help me clean my wounds and
will stay with me while my wounds heal to merely scars so that I may go on
again. And I hope they/you all know that I am their/your querencia as well.
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