succulent wild women

“A succulent wild woman is one of any age who feels free to fully express herself in every dimension of her life.”  by S.A.R.K.

Quite a while ago, I read this book about living life to the fullest with your girlfriends at your side. It was Succulent Wild Woman by S.A.R.K.. I recommend it to those sISTA gIRLS who want to grab life by the fattest end and jump in with their eyes closed. I encourage you to try some of her suggestions. Finally I absolutely encourage you bring a friend along for the ride.

I know this woman ... we have been friends for years. When we were younger, people used to call us Lucy and Ethel because we were always up to something. It is years later and we now live in separate states but we are still tight.We call each other and reminisce about the fun and crazy things we did both together and separately. We have families and responsibilities that prevent us from engaging in the mischief we used to get ourselves involved in but we are just waiting for the chance; and then, once again, the world will be our oyster

We each have friends we love and want to include in these life escapades. They think we are crazy but they are all ready to be crazy with us. We are going to laugh, travel, sing out loud, dance in the streets, say hello to strangers, laugh, help the needy, share love with the unloved, sculpt, write, laugh, paint, be grateful, express kindness, laugh, party, swim, bar-b-que, drink, laugh, play, drink some more, make friends ... basically enjoy the wild, wacky, wonderful world we live in while surrounded by the girlfriends who make our good times even better.

And listen sISTA gIRLS ... You are all invited along!!! Bring your friends and your suggestions. We are going to live life to its fullest with no regrets. We are going to enjoy the width, length and depth of life and we are going to do it together

SO >>> PACK FOR GOOD TIMES  and then PURCHASE YOUR TICKET FROM A FRIEND  so that you can COME ALONG FOR THE RIDE!!!

female friendship fabulosity

Today's post is about the wonderfulness of women friendships ... female friendship fabulosity. I am often surprised when I hear women say that they don’t have women friends, or that they don’t like women or that they find men to be better friends. I have always found my friendships with women to have been and to continue to be fun, uplifting and immensely valuable. 

Building close connections with women is an immensely powerful act. Communicating, laughing, growing stronger and older with each other is a way to strengthen female bonds. When we form such connections, many wonderful things happen. First, you are surrounded by people like you. Women are more likely to and able to understand another woman's wishes and concerns. Second, women value women. When we share friendship, we generally see each other as and treat each other as equals. 

In friendships between women, we hold each other accountable to one another in ways we don’t when we’re interacting with men or someone on a casual basis. With women, we are uniquely invested in overcoming each other's problems and making things work. We rely on each other, communicate our needs to each other and then trust that those needs will be met We use as well as seek kindness and compassion when dealing with our female friends because women are kind and compassionate by nature. 

Women friendships are center to and for women’s experiences. We understand each other's fears, as well as our hopes and dreams. For example, no one’s going to think you are being ridiculous if you say you are scared to walk home alone at night. Women support each other and  confirm and legitimize each other's feelings and experiences. 

Now, I’m not saying it’s wrong to have lots of men friends or that having them means you don’t like women  just as it would be wrong and crazy to assume you need only women in your life ... in every aspect of your life. My issue is women saying they aren't friends with women because they don’t like women. Women are the people I have relied on, trusted in and shared my hopes, dreams and biggest secrets with. I have shaped myself, at least partially, through my interactions with them. They have been of immense support to me in a world I have sometimes found to be scary, out of control, and cruel. My strong connections with equally strong women and my friendships with women have been, for me, a source of strength, laughter, support, love and goodness.

the types of friends we should have ... maybe

Today we are figuring out the type of friends we should have. As I am sure you would agree … there are several different types of friends and we all fall into at least one category. What difference does it make? I have no idea … other than it is good to know.

First, years ago I read a book about life and friendship. It was a great book on how to live life fully, wildly, happily and with no real regrets. In this book, the author said we should all have nine friends: three older than us as mentors to us, three younger than us to look up to us and for us to mentor and three our own age to grow older with, together. I like that and have tried to do that. So far, however, I have not succeeded at the perfect nine.

Just the other day, however, I read an article that said we all need at least five friends: an older/mentor friend who has been where you are, a younger/mentee friend who is like a younger sister, an “old” friend who has known you forever and knows all about you and your family, a “deep” friend who is full of wisdom and sagacity and willing to share, and an “unexpected” friend who is full of surprises, can pull you out of the doldrums and make you laugh when you least expect it.

Now, if you combine the second theory with the first, you get at least one older friend (mentor), one younger friend (mentee), one your age (old friend) and two to play around with (deep and unexpected). 

 Not bad … if you agree with these theories and are willing to try to have the friends they suggest. But, I have to tell you … one true friend is really all you need; especially if that is all you have, whether by choice or by circumstance. 

lasting friendships

Once your heart awakens to the need to be a friend, the search should begin honestly to determine what you are doing right as well as what you are doing wrong. Once you begin this journey, you can never go back. From then on, you should be inflamed with a special longing to seek to be the best that you can be. You should never again choose to linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment with regards to yourself as well as your friendships. While the need to be a good and true friend can make you reluctant to compromise on your friendships, it should not hold you back from striving toward the summit of friendship … forever together, weathering all storms.

Being a good, true friend – the kind we choose to keep close to our hearts; the kind that will last for the long haul –means being able to fulfill certain requirements. A true friend must be, more often than not, consistent, contributing, self-revealing, and trustworthy.  Be consistent with your time and attention. Don’t just be the receiver of the benefits of a friendship, be a giver as well. Share who you truly are; share your hopes, dreams, secrets, and imperfections. Keep secrets and avoid being judgmental. Avoid constant negativity and toxic behavior.

 Truthfully, you can’t always be all these things without there being misunderstandings and hurt feelings at times. But striving toward these qualities, at least with your inner circle of friends, is the basis of lasting friendships.

planting the seed of friendship

“I will be generous with my love today. I will sprinkle compliments and uplifting words everywhere I go. I will do this knowing that my words are like seeds and when they fall on fertile soil, a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater.” 
-- Steve Maraboli –

Love this quote … but I was thinking … perhaps it should say …

“I will make a friend today” instead of “I will be generous with my love …” because making a friend is being generous with my love.

Making a friend is a rewarding experience. But it is a choice and does require work.

It is not arrogance that says I am being generous. It is honesty.  Friendships are indeed like seeds. After being planted, if you want them to thrive and flourish, they must be nurtured. They must be planted inthe right soil.They need lots of fun, sufficient amounts of water and a bit of furtilizer. Not enough of these ingredients and they die from lack of sufficient supplies. Too much of these supplies and they die from excessive indulgence. So it is with friendship. it must be cultivated and cared for. It is a fine balance we walk between not enough and too much. 

Similarly, when you choose to try to become friends with me, you are being generous with your love. It is a choice that can be quite rewarding.

So, today let’s all be generous with our love … let’s go make a friend. 

Oh ... and share some of this love ... spread the word about the blog so we too can make new friend ...while keeping the ones we already have, of course. 

Much love to all of you ... and ... have a great day!!!!!!

good morning sISTA gIRLS

Good Morning sISTA gIRLS

It is a big, beautiful morning out there this day. I have awakened early for a change and can actually appreciate the early morning brisk air ... full of promise and possibility.

I know there are those of you out there in the world who are lonely or troubled. May we here at sISTA gIRLS Cafe be there for you. May we be your rock and your shoulder ... if not in person at least in spirit. 

But en I know that is not enough. You must find a way to be there for yourself. For those of you who are lonely, find a church or an organization that interests you and join. Be kind and friendly. Extend the hand of friendship to a fellow member. I am certain it will be received warmly and honestly. Or volunteer to help out somewhere, giving is always rewarded ... as is kindness. Moreover, you will have a good time. Nothing is more rewarding than helping another. It also helps to take your mind off your own problems.

For those of you who are troubled, remember ... we all go through things and even the happiest of people have down days. But, today is a perfect day to begin to heal yourself. Take a walk in the sunshine,let the wind caress your cheeks and play with your hair. Stretch your muscles and fill your lungs with the energy of the world around you. Walking is good for the body and spending time out in the sun is good for you spirit. It can be a real spirit lifter. 

As you walk, enjoy the scenery and say a quick thank you for all the sights you wish to experience ... couples in love, couples with children, those well dressed, those in great shape ... whatever it is. By appreciating others with what you have, you let the universe know what is in your heart so that it can bring your heart's desire to you. What we are grateful for we get more of.

Enjoy today having faith in the possibility of tomorrow. And know that we at the Cafe love you and have your back. We were here yesterday, are here today and we will be here tomorrow.  AND ... In The Meantime ...

May you be in a happy and loving friendship

That your heart might remain open

May your friendship fill you with the confidence to be you

That the light of your true nature might shine forth because of their acceptance of you

May acceptance remove all traces of shame from you, replacing that shame with the joy of self acceptance

That their acceptance might help you to allow others to reveal their true nature to you without shame

May your friendship be healing

That you might become a source of healing for others

May your friendship fill you with trust

That trust might allow you to express yourself openly and honestly to yourself and others

May you be filled with a light and loving heart

That your love might fill the air with beauty and kindness 

May you be happy

That your happiness might radiate from you to fill the world with sunshine

poems, reflections and prayers for sista girls

Even sISTA gIRLS sometimes need a little prayer. Please keep me and mine in your prayers these next few days. Thank you kindly. Also bear with me if I take a little longer to get these posts out. The world will right up again and all will be well. In the meantime, here is a little poem to fill your day. I hope you like it.

Hope is a bird singing before the sun does rise

Hope is a flower’s fragrance even sweeter as it dies

Hope is a brilliant sky that preludes that day’s end

Hope is a “really, you too” that signals a new friend

Hope is a thing inspired on a warm and sunny day

Hope is a thing desired when the sunshine’s gone away

Hope is the thing you turn to when your life’s about to bust

Hope is a thing believed in when there’s nothing left to trust

and here is a prayer to fill your heart and spirit

may your friday be filled with friends and laughter

may your weekend be filled with family and goodness

may your body be filled with good health

may your heart be filled with light and loving kindness

may your world be filled with beauty

may your soul be filled with peace and joy

may life be filled with sunshine

may your life overflow with happiness and love

and may you always have  sISTA gIRLS to share it all with

LOVE YOU ALL ... TAKE CARE ... until tomorrow

let's share this friendship

While it is true … I have been writing this blog for just a little while … I have yet to get a comment from anyone who has read any of my posts. I would love to hear from you. If you have an opinion, a suggestion or a topic you would like me to talk about … please let me know. This blog is not just about me and friendships … it is about you and friendships. 

So share … share … SHARE!!!! Cause today it is all about YOU!!!!!!!

what i learned in high school

I was thinking about what to write the other day and I remembered this girl I went to high school with. She blew through a bunch of us girls like wind on a wintry day and then one day we looked up and she was gone leaving a path of destruction like I had never seen before and have not often seen since.

She started with the oldest of us and ticked us off one by one, pitting us against one another, challenging our friendship with each other. I was the youngest of the group. When it was my turn, I was unprepared for her special brand of magnetism and attraction. I fell and I fell hard.

She was tall and slim. She had a head full of jet black hair, wore huge, black rimmed glasses and talked a mile a minute. She laughed a lot, had a smile that lit a room, and leaned her head in real close when she had something to tell you and looked you right in the eye when you were sharing something with her. She made you feel special and everyone wanted to be friends with her. At least in the beginning.

I still remember the day she decided she wanted to be my friend. She sought me out in the cafeteria and sat next to me, pulling her chair close to mine. She said she had been trying for a while to be friends with me but I was so popular she thought I would not want her for a friend. She was smooth and while her statement was not true, it sure made me feel good. I knew who she was. I knew all the people she had been friends with and since I did not know how those had ended (until later), I was honored she wanted to talk to me.

It lasted a week. We walked to classes together, sat together at lunch and talked on the telephone at home. She made me feel special. She said she had never had a friend like me, she only wanted me and we would be best friends forever. I was super happy and forgot all about my other friends … all for her. And it was wonderful. We were best friends forever … well … for one week … my week. And then she moved on.

My friends saw us together and tried to warn me about her. I paid them no mind. They were jealous of us, of the fact that she wanted to be my friend and mine alone. My friends gave up and let me go with a smile of understanding. I gloated about my luck but they knew I would be back.

They were right. She was not a real friend; she was not my real friend. Heck, she was not a friend at all … much less a real friend. At the end of my week I waited for her at our spot and she was not there, After each class, I looked for her but she was not there. At lunch I looked for her and she was not there. Feeling lonely, I went to sit with the friends I had abandoned for my new best friend. They welcomed me as though nothing had happened and I was grateful. While we laughed together, my “best friend” showed up with her new best friend and totally ignored me. She acted as though I didn't exist and my heart was crushed. Everyone at the table was polite to her but did not invite her to join us.  She flounced away from us without a care, laughing together with her new best friend.

When she left I was broken-hearted. But my actual friends felt for me and told me how she had tried to do the same with each one of them with mixed success. The older girls had not trusted her. She had worked her magic on us younger girls. As I listened to them, I learned valuable friend information that day. It still works today.

      True friends spend time with others as well as each other because they know that more friends means more fun

      True friends are not jealous of other friends because true friendship lasts

      Spending all your time with one person, only, is not healthy … there is sooo much out there to enjoy

      If someone drops a friend to be with you, they’ll drop you to be friends with someone else.

      Don’t turn your back on your true friends or take them for granted, it hurts. But if you do, true friends will understand and forgive … and take you back.

I still follow these today.

SO … thanks to all my high school sISTA gIRLS. I still love ya!

thank you my friend

The days lately have been full of running around and stress. I have time for my chores and my responsibilities but not much time for me, my friends and the things I enjoy. A couple of days ago, a girlfriend came by to help out and relieve me of the some of the pressure of my days. I was ever so grateful. When there was a lull in the day. my girlfriend and I sat with a glass of wine and a bite of food and discussed life. She said the nicest thing ... "I wish I had more money and you more time, I would send you on a trip so you could rest, relax and regroup."

I live the life I live and do the things I do because of the choices I have made. I accept the consequences of my choices because they are my choices. I try not to complain or gripe, even when I am overwhelmed. I sometimes feel I am in my life alone and that no one understands where I am or how I feel. But then my friend comes along and says something like that and I realize I am not alone ... that someone cares... that someone understands. That someone is my friend, my girl, mysISTA gIRL  and i am grateful for her.

We all go through things that take a toll on our lives, our souls, our emotions. We can ignore its effects on us and dig our heels in and keep on or we can remember there are people out there who love us and are willing to help or lend an ear or a shoulder if we would just reach out. Sometimes all they can give is support and encouragement ... but funny ... for me .... that was more than enough. We sat and laughed about good times and what we would do and where we would go if we could. that brief respire made my day and has lingered in the back of my mind for days.

I said thank you then but I am saying thank you again and dedicating this page to her. I wish a friend like her for each and every one of you ... my sISTA gIRLS. May each and everyone of you have friends who recognize when you are drowning in your own decisions and rescue you with a word, or a smile or a hug. AND MAY YOU HAVE A BIG, BEAUTIFUL, BRIGHT, SUNNY, DAY FULL OF LOVE!!!

long distance friends

A few years ago, i worked in the service industry helping out a friend. While there, I met this really cool lady. We clicked almost immediately. As we got to know each other, I discovered she belonged to the Race of Joseph and as we continued to spend time, our relationship became an Anam Cara friendship. Then the inevitable happened. She moved back home. Her home is hours away. I was sorry to see her go, happy for her to be back with her family. I was also concerned about our friendship. I am not a big caller. It is my weakness. I warned her but agreed to make the effort to keep in touch. We agreed to talk once a week and we did at first. But life got in the way and what happened, we stopped calling each other. Probably more me than her ... but either way, we stopped calling.

I though about us today as I worked on pictures for the blog and our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/FriendsForLifeSisterGirls.  I think of my SISTA gIRL often and the times we spent together with much fondness. Distance has affected how often we speak but has not affected my heart. I still love my friend. We are both on Facebook and so we keep in touch that way ... as do so many of us. I love that Facebook allows people to keep in touch that way. But it does sort of remove some of the pressure to call or write a  letter. I wonder if that means the caliber of friendships will change over they years. In that same vein, I wonder if modern technology will change friendships.

Last summer a bunch of friends and I met for dinner at this Cheesecake Factory spin off (the name escapes me just now). While we were there, four young ladies came in and got a table. Three were in their late teens and one was much younger (probably a little sister). The three older girls each had a cell phone; the younger girl did not. Throughout their time at the restaurant, the three older girls were almost constantly on their cells and the younger girl was pretty much ignored. I wasn't as surprised by the younger girl being ignored as I was by their lack of communication with each other. They sat in their booths texting with their cell phones and laughing. One of my friends suggested that they were talking to each other on their cells instead of out loud. I though to myself, "well isn't that crazy".  Why would they prefer to text each other when they were sitting together? My friends and I got into a lively conversation about technology, friendship and dating today and the youth of today. We resolved no issues but had fun nonetheless.

In the end, what I know is ... technology causes me to wonder how we will talk to, spend time with and deal with each other in the future ... like tomorrow. What else do I know, it is good to see my friend on Facebook. Even if we don't call often. it is better than nothing. But, as I say, it takes the pressure off making the effort to call. I am on Facebook daily so I "see" her daily. It is not as good as a call or a visit but for busy people with busy lives it is enough.

WOW, I was not supposed to be discussing technology and friendship. That is a separate post. I really wanted to talk about the effect of distance on friendships. I just wanted to emphasize distance does not really affect true friendships. When I eventually call my friend or she calls me, we pick up our conversation right where we left off. It is as if time has stood still for us while we were living our separate lives. There are no awkward moments, no hesitations. We share our lives and our goals and dreams as if we were sitting across from each other at our favorite bakery having dessert and tea. I think it is because we share a mutual admiration and affection for one another. I think it is because we know each other cares and that the feeling is genuine. I think it is because we love and respect each other and each others lives. I think it is because we are true Anam Cara friends. Those type of friendships are special and while they should not be taken for granted or taken lightly, they do "take a lickin and keep on tickin".

So this post is dedicated to my long distance Anam Cara friend from The Race of Joseph. She is my fiend, my sISTA gIRL and she will always have my heart. I will call her today. I know you guys have long distance friendships ... call one today. but, while you are here, share. 

my soul remembers my friends

I just wanted to add a little bit from my previous blog on Rumi. As I said, I agree that the soul's memory is the best and the ultimate but my heart and my mind play a major part in who and why and how I love. they all work together.This poem is in honor of our souls and the friends we love, with our heart, mind, soul and spirit. HERE'S TO FRIENDSHIPS and sISTA gIRLS. LONG MAY WE LOV

My soul remembers what my heart has forgot

My soul remembers what the mind cannot

My soul is there when the body dies

My soul remains ‘cause my spirit’s wise

My friendship’s true … My mind reason’s so

My friend is you … my heart feels love’s flow

My friend, our friendship fills my heart and mind

And my soul says that we … my friend … are one of a kind

So my soul will remember you when my heart’s forgot

My soul will remember you when my mind cannot

My soul will remember you when my body dies

Because my spirit loves you and my spirit is wise

my sISTA gIRLS!!!

Sorry about yesterday. It was one of those crazy days in which I never got a chance to write. We here at Sista Girls Cafe know I enjoy sharing with you and we hope that you enjoy what I have to say. Friendship are a cornerstone of life and we are glad to have a chance to share thoughts on friendship with you and possibly make new friends. We encourage you, if you enjoy this blog, to spread the word so that others can read and comment and share with us. A dialogue between us would be great. So today is all about you ... my sISTA gIRLS.

My sista girls

Will always be around

My sista girls

Never put me down

My sista girls

I can trust you

My sista girls

I know you always be true

My sista girls

You are the best

My sista girls

You’re above all the rest

My sista girls

In you I confide

My sista girls

In my heart you abide

My sista girls

Together to the end

My sista girls

My best friends

sISTA gIRLS ... We love you and are glad to be sharing our journey through this life wth you

trust in friendships

We are not alone in this world. Everywhere you look there are people. But that does not mean we do not feel lonely sometimes … even in the midst of others.  What can stave off loneliness … friends. We all need friends. They help to make life worth living. They help to make life more fun. They trust, nurture, respect, support, share and listen to us. They love us and we love them.

There are many different kinds of friendships, but the best are mutual relationships… mutual friendships. A mutual relationship … or friendship is a true friendship. A true friendship requires some work to maintain but is truly worth having. In a true friendship you have a friend you can trust and rely on and who can trust and rely on you.

A true friendship is a relationship of sympathy, empathy, kindness, compassion, laughter, honesty, respect and caring. True friends allow each other to share their thoughts and feelings, honestly and openly, without judgment or shame. Once this happens and all of these qualities have been opened and released into your relationship, a bond is formed and with continued work that bond can deepen into trust and then love.

Trust is a key element to a healthy, true friendship. Without trust, a friendship is only superficial and while superficial may work for the beginnings of a friendship … when you both are testing the waters, it cannot work if you want the relationship to last. I have a relative who does not believe in friendship. She thinks that family is everything. While I agree that family is important, I also know that there is a place in our lives for friendship. That is even more important for those who do not have a family or who do not have a good relationship with their family. Friends make a difference in your life and should not be discounted. But it depends on trust. If you cannot allow yourself the opportunity to trust someone, you cannot have or be a lasting and true friend.

Friends are the people you can turn to; they help you to grow as a person, they help you to realize the best that you are and can be, they pick you up when you are down and make your joys bigger and brighter. Friends share your secrets and your hopes and dreams. But this can only happen with trust. Trust is the backbone of friendship ... of having a friend. And once you have a friend, you have the world in your hand.

what is friendship?

A friend is defined as a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. So friendship is when two people know each other well, and like and trust each other. A friendship is a relationship between two people that demands time and effort and requires empathy, honesty and putting aside your pride. It provides support and comfort in good times and bad and it keeps you happy.

            But friendship is more than just being happy together or sharing in good times. Sometimes one of you may say or do something hurtful to the other. In a good friendship; you face the problem together, work out a solution together and forgive and let go. In a good friendship, you protect, love, and accept each other, you don’t judge each other. You may argue with each other from time to time, but you come together again. In a good friendship all this works because a good friendship is also about surviving bad times together.

            What else is friendship? It is having a person in your life you can trust completely. It is realizing that someone else wants the best for you. It is being together without needing to pretend. It is having someone you can call at any time knowing they will be happy to hear from you. It is sharing your grief and your happiness with another. It is helping solve each other’s problems. It is sharing your dreams, hopes, and secrets together. It is helping out and expecting nothing in return. It is having fun through everyday life together. It is finding time for each other. It is being so in tune with each other, you know each other feelings and understand the why of them; and you can finish each other’s sentences and thoughts.

A true friendship, a good friendship; is an enjoyable relationship that makes all involved in it happy and without one in your life; it is a lot harder to maintain. A true friendship fills your heart, your spirit and your soul. It is a gift you choose to give yourself knowing it will keep on giving as you keep on giving. And that is good.

Me on Rumi on Love

I love my friends neither with my heart nor with my mind.
Just in case…
Heart might stop. Mind can forget.
I love them with my soul.
Soul never stops or forgets.

--Rumi--

Love this. So clear so specific but I have to admit I disagree with Rumi, as hard as it is to do so. It is not that I do not love my friends with my soul because I do. Rather it is that I love my friends also with my heart and mind despite their imperfections. I disagree with Rumi because his love is insufficient. The soul’s love, as expansive and amazing as it is, is just not enough.

I love my friends with my heart because my heart was made to love. That is simple and easy. I cannot help loving my friends with my heart … it is how I was made.

I also love my friends with my mind. As I think of my friends, as I perceive friendship; I feel the emotion of love. As a result of my thoughts and perceptions, I act towards my friends with love. The memories I have shared and created with my friends fill me with the emotion of love. The knowledge I have of friendship as applied to my friends fills my imagination with love.  My mind fills with thoughts of love and as a result, I reason that I love my friends.

But, as Rumi says, “Heart might stop. Mind can forget.” So, in addition to the love I feel for my friends with my mind and my heart, I love my friends with my soul. The soul is the essential part of me, the spirit of me, and the part of me that survives after death. In loving my friends with my soul, my love will continue long after my heart stops or my mind forgets. When I am old and dotty and can’t remember my name, when my heart is weak and needs help to function, I will still remember my friends in my spirit and I will love them. When my body gives out and my heart and mind stop, my love for my friends will still exist in them and in the energy that is love … and that love will transcend time. That is the essence of friendship … to love another with one’s heart and mind … and soul.

Sunday Dinners

I remember, some years ago. I had a circle of four friends. We spent a lot of time together. We were friends for a reason and a season. We were each trying to grow while going through things. Life at that time was very challenging for each of us.

One of the things I remember most about our friendship was our Sunday dinners. I had a ton of cookbooks and one of my friends enjoyed cooking even more than I did. The two of us would pick a recipe or two … or more, and shop for the ingredients on Saturday. Then, on Sunday afternoon, we would all get together at my house … with our children; sometimes our parents or others we thought needed our kind of love. Two of us would cook, one of us would keep the kitchen clean and organized, and the fourth did everything else. That meant watching the kids, setting the table, finding music, helping clean, helping cook ... whatever was needed.

We didn't ask each other to do what we did. We each sort of knew what we preferred to do and just did it. We worked well together. We didn't argue and our kids all got along. It was fun... we had fun together and it has left me with a wealth of memories. I think that is friendship … Sunday dinners together.

What are some of your friend traditions?

sunshine after rain ... forgiveness

Well, this morning when i woke up, I noticed the sun trying to smile through the clouds. It is some hours later and the sun is now smiling on us and the day is full of sunshine. It is like making up with a friend after a serious argument. 

My sISTA gIRLS and I have been friends a long time and over the years we have had our share of disagreements. But we have weathered the storms that we have encountered and count ourselves blessed that we have survived the turbulent times we have had to face. The best is that when trouble occurs, we apologize and move on or let go ... whichever works in the situation. Then the sun reappears and its healing rays help us to move on in a healthy manner.

I am thankful that my friendships have been with women who don't hold grudges or retaliate. We forgive each other when we feel wronged by each other whether the wrong was intentional or unintentional. I guess it is because we realize there can be no friendship without forgiveness. 

It is very hard to forgive ... not impossible, just very hard. It is sometimes easier to forgive strangers because they do not matter to us and cannot hurt us. But forgiveness is necessary if you want your friendship to last and even more important, forgiveness is necessary if you want to maintain your own mental health.

So how do we forgive? How do I forgive? First, I acknowledge my feelings. I accept my feelings and allow myself an opportunity to feel them. Then, I release any poison in me that stems from the incident that causes my anger. I work first on letting go of any grudges, I release any harboring resentments, I stop nursing old wounds. These are damaging, and following up on such negativity can be detrimental in far too many ways.

Then, I work on moving on. I forgive myself for any part I played in the incident and then I let that go. I also try to take my focus away from the incident. I have learned that most people who do things to cause you anger have no idea of your feelings and so your feelings are not hurting them; your feelings are only hurting you. That is so ridiculous, you're miserable but they're happy because they have no idea how you feel. So I work on moving away from focusing my time and energy on the person and the incident. It helps to know that they are not spending all their time worrying about me.

I move on by choosing serenity and happiness over righteous anger. I turn off the broken record in my head that replays replay past hurts in my mind over and over again and choose to think peaceful or happy thoughts. I realize that anger and resentment don’t serve me well and instead give myself a clean slate.

Finally, I decide how important the person who angered me is to me. If they are a sISTA gIRL and I want to maintain our friendship,  I speak to them honestly and openly about the situation and my feelings regarding it. Then, I give them a chance to talk. After we work it out, I leave it there and move on. I don't bring it up or replay it in my mind. I let it go. I forgive, true forgiveness.

This is not an easy process. As I said, forgiveness is not easy. But true friendships are worth it. So today ... let go of past hurts, forgive a friend, work through resentments and then crumble them up like dust and blow all the negativity away. When you are done, call the friend you are steamed at, work it out, forgive and let the healing rays of the sun bring a restorative balm to your soul and your friendship.

You are made from love, for love, to love. Friendship is love. Don't waste it. Enjoy!!!!!!

Rainy Day Memories

It's been raining since last night and is supposed to continue until tomorrow afternoon. we are supposedly in the midst of two separate tropical storms that are going to collide later this afternoon. i like storms ... so long as I am not out in them driving. I have lots of 

memories of wonderful things i have done in storms. i think of them on days like this.

I remember this one birthday my girlfriend had. She was turning twenty-something … an early twenty number I can’t remember. A bunch of us, all friends, decided to take her to the city (Manhattan) for a birthday lunch. I can’t remember where we ate; but I remember how much fun we had. This was back in the early eighties when going to the city was a big deal. It meant getting dressed in a nice outfit and being on your best behavior. It was such a special occasion; we ordered drinks with our meal. I think we each had two and came away from the restaurant a little tipsy.

 When we left it was still early; the sun was just beginning to set. It was a cool spring day and we were all in a great mood; trying to decide where we would go next. As we walked and talked, it started to rain. We all started talking at once about the movie Singing in the Rain and the scene in which Gene Kelly actually dances in the rain with an umbrella. One of my girlfriends spots a lamppost and dares me to dance as Gene did. Why me? Well, I had taken dance lessons and tap lessons for years so if any one of us was going to do it, it would have to be me. “Okay.” I agreed, but only if they joined me.

Then there, in the middle of a block in Manhattan, I, followed by my friends, opened my umbrella and began singing and dancing in the rain. What a blast that was! I can still picture us laughing and dancing and jumping around, and laughing some more! Now some of you may say … “only in New York” but I say … “only with friends”. The best part of this memory … the women I danced with that day are still my friends today. We have been through a lot but we still know how to dance and sing in the rain.

Do you have a favorite rain memory. Share it with us.

I knew you would come

Last night I had a chance to get together with a few of my “known you forever” sista girls. We ate and drank and reminisced. We have come to realize, now that we have gotten older, that several of our favorite past memories are really about the quality of our friendship. I would like to share one with all of you.

Many years ago, I threw a house get-together and invited old friends and a few acquaintances. Almost everyone that was invited brought a date. As the evening progressed, one of my girlfriends got into it with her boyfriend. He took the argument to a deeper level than she realized and said he was ready to leave the party. She said fine and they left.

Once in the car, they continued the argument and argued the whole way to her house. They argued as he pulled up to her house, argued as she searched for and found her keys, they argued in her home. Eventually, they ran out of words. When there was nothing left to say, he said “I am done” and stormed out her house for good. She broke down and cried. As she cried she had a coughing fit, choked and slipped and fell. As she fell, she hit head on the bed post. Overwhelmed with sadness and pain, she called us at the party.

We, the two of us who were her sISTA gIRLS, dropped everything and flew from the party to her side. Our men knew how we rolled and understood. My friends knew how I dealt with situations and understood. One new acquaintance wanted to be friends with us (she liked our swag) and asked if she could come “maybe I can help”. She came

We got to our friend’s home, found the front door unlocked and searched the house for her. When we found her, she was slightly intoxicated, her face was streaked with make-up and there was a huge knot on her head. When she saw us her face lit up.  What she said, I think, defines our friendship and all true friendships. “He left me and I fell and hurt myself but I knew you would come.”

She knew we would come. And through the years, we have all gone through things and we have always “come” to the rescue. Whether we came with a shoulder, an ear, a bit of advice, a little laughter, a bed or whatever we had or could do to help, we came. We have seen each other through major and minor situations by dealing with them together. That is what friendship is all about; knowing that if and when you call to me for help, I as your friend will come!!!

Today, reach out to a friend, extend a hand to an acquaintance. You may make a difference. 

What! You too!!!

Friendship is one big conversation. We talk on the phone, in each other's home, over dinner, over drinks, in school, at work. In the beginning of a friendship we try to find areas where we agree. But as we go along and begin to trust each other we learn that disagreeing is okay and will not dissolve a friendship that is true.

C.S. Lewis describes this the best ... “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." 

... It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision - it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I am never sure which is better, spending time with acquaintances and discovering a friendship or spending time in the beauty of a friendship that has lasted a lifetime.Just as there is something to be said for the new dress you put on in anticipation of the day and the reactions you will get, there is the comfort that slides over you as you put on your favorite robe and curl up with a good book. Each has its unique delight. 

Still, most times when we talk about friendships, we talk about the lasting ones. So, today,we will honour new friendships. Specifically the "you too" moment when you realize you can indeed be friends.

She, being friendless and feeling alone.

Choose this day to explore.

Casting care to the wind,

She set out walking.

She eventually found herself in a park

Birds were singing, couples were strolling

The sun was shining

 Though shadows were lengthening

A mime was performing

In black and white, even her face

A performer, dressed all in blue,

 Was singing a sad song … beautifully

She stopped to watch and listen.

Then, caught up in the beauty of the moment,

And much to her surprise,

She began to cry.

Embarrassed, she looked around

The woman standing next to her,

Was offering her a tissue.

“Would you like one?”

‘Thank you for your kindness”

She smiled as she reached for the tissue.

Surprised by the compassion,

She looked up at the gifter.

What she saw took her aback

For the woman was also crying

“You too …” she said, a smile breaking thru

And in that moment a friendship was born